Tuesday November 11

Good Evening.

Today was not a good day for both Gary and me. Gary was not feeling well all day and he has been having extreme bouts of sweating. I think he is having what doctors refer to as cancer sweats and I hate to even admit that or say it.
I am worried about him and I just want to see him comfortable.

We saw Dr. Gluzman (pain management) and Nicole (physician assistant to Barth) today and we are waiting for the results of Gary's kidney function. If his function is good then he can stay on Toradol (his wonder pain drug). If the levels are off then we have to take a break and we will figure something else out.

Gary slept from about 1:30 until 6:30 tonight. He is just exhausted. We were up ALL NIGHT last night and I gave him more pain meds today to help him to sleep and rest. It worked.

I sat in the parking lot at Target with Zach tonight as we both cried and cried and cried and had a conversation that no Mom should ever have to have with her 9 year-old son. Zach has been piecing things together and it was time that I talk to him and let him know what is going on right now. I told him that the doctors could not help Daddy anymore with medicine. I told him that we were not doing anymore chemo and that basically we are hoping and praying for a miracle. I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack and I have felt like that a lot lately. I could feel my heart beating so hard and I hate feeling like that. Zach understands oh too much and my heart hurts for the boys. I try not to think about it too much but sometimes trying doesn't always work. I know we will have many more conversations and I know it is healthy but it is so incredibly hard. With God we can do anything. Although we have begun talking to the kids I still ask that no one says a word to them about Gary's condition. We need time to do that and I do not want them hearing things from other people. I thank you all in advance for that.

Gary and Jax are in Gary's hospital bed snuggling right now. Jax is such a great snuggler and Gary so enjoys that. He is just the right size to fit right next to Gary. Gary has a very content look on his face. I think it is the combination of Jax being with him and the HUGE bowl of Captain Crunch he just devoured!

Zach is spending the night on the Pilgrim tomorrow night so I have been getting him ready for that! He is really excited and it should be a great learning experience.

The last baseball game of the season will be Sunday and I am looking forward to the break for a few months. With everything going on it will be 6 less things on the calendar each week!

I am still under the weather and have this irritating cough - like a tickle in my throat - that is lingering and lingering. Nate is coughing and Jax has a runny nose. Hopefully Zach, Gary and my Mom can stay totally healthy.

We have Pastor Vaswig coming over to the house at 9:45 AM tomorrow morning to pray with us. He is a well-known healing pastor and I had contacted the church a while back to see if he would be available to pray with our family. We are happy to have him come over and pray over us and for us.

Off to put the wild boys to bed!

We love you all and are still on a high from the AMAZING B-DAY PARTY!!!!
Thank you all.

XOXO
Lisa