Our Family on Christmas Eve

Gary Post Christmas Update

So, we made it through Christmas and we are heading towards New Years! Christmas was memorable and it was great having both my Mom and Dad here with us. Gary has been in bed for days now. His platelet count is very low but we have managed to keep him out of the hospital this weekend.

This morning as we were getting ready to get to church Gary spiked a high fever complete with chills! So, he stayed home and we will head off to the doctors tomorrow morning first thing. I am sure we will spend the entire day there as he will most likely need several different transfusions.

He is tired and in lots of pain. I have upped his meds a little but it does not seem to be helping him.

My aunt, uncle, and grandmother have been here this weekend and they left this afternoon after we enjoyed a wonderful Christmas lunch. This was the last of the Christmas celebrations and gift opening sessions.

I spent the latter part of the afternoon taking all of the Christmas stuff down and sorting it out on the dining room table to organize it before I get all the bins down to put it all away. I am keeping the tree up until New Years as per everyones request.
The lights on the outside are still festive and I will keep those up as long as possible.

Tonight I pack a day bag for tomorrow. I need everything Gary might possibly need for the day and then things to keep me occupied and busy for the day. If I get prepared tonight it will be easier in the morning for me.

We are headed up to USC on Tuesday to hang out and enjoy their bowl game practice. We are all looking really forward to doing that.

Gary's Dad is hanging in there as he struggles with his cancer battle. We are hoping he can get out here sometime soon to see Gary.

All is quiet - just like I like it. The boys are exhausted. Zach and Nate had sleep overs last night and went to bed super late! Early to bed tonight for everyone!

The Chargers are winning tonight and the game is kinda boring - the reason why I picked this time to blog!

Happy Sunday and Good Thoughts for a Happy Monday!!!

Love,
L

Merry Christmas

It's official. After tracking Santa with the internet GPS system all day to see where he was he has made it to our house and managed to eat all of the cookies and drink the egg nog too! No wonder his belly is so fat!

My Dad made it in tonight with no delays and no problems. Gary made it to church, we lit the Advent Candles tonight, and the boys sang at both services. I love going to church and seeing everyone and tonight was such a special night. We were missing tons of families at church and I think many families are away for the holiday!

If my throat would stop hurting and my nose would stop being so stuffy I would feel a heck of a lot better. Maybe after a few hours of sleep I will feel better. I know the boys are going to wake up early. They were so excited when they tried to get to sleep.

Our Secret Santa is OVER THE TOP! It has to be someone or people who know our family well. I will not force the issue of trying to find out who you are because you obviously wish to remain anonymous. On behalf of our entire family I thank you for helping to make this Christmas so special. What great joy day after day after day!

So many of you have brought us such great joy! We got another basket on the doorstep today filled with goodies and all sorts of stuff - of course no names on it! Whoever you are..............many thanks! BTW - FIGHT ON!!!!

We love all of you and hope you have the Merriest Christmas to date! I just know we are going to have a great day tomorrow (or I should say today).

Live, Laugh, Love and Thanks be to God!

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Love,
L

SECRET SANTA STRIKES AGAIN

OKay. Hobie is barking. He won't stop. So, I get him calmed down and I look outside to see if someone is at the door. Guess what? No one is there BUT THERE IS A SERIOUS PILE OF PRESENTS!! HOLY COW!!!!!!

I wake the kids up and tell them to open the front door. Their eyes were like quarters and they quickly brought the presents inside!

Our SS is very bold. Our kitchen blinds are open and we can see the porch from the kitchen. Our SS gambled and beat the odds! With 6 people in the house there was a good chance someone would be in the kitchen! SS got lucky!!!

How FUN FUN FUN!!! LOVE THIS EVERYDAY!!
Thank you SS!
Love,
The Sallee's

Secret Santa

I forgot to tell you something about our Secret Santa.
The SS is a very creative person. I am leaning towards a woman being the person who executes everything just because of the attention to detail. Is it is family? 1 person? A Group?
It is fun just to speculate.
I just want everyone to know how awesome it has been having our SS this season! Everyone should have one! We are so blessed!
It is the 12th Day of Christmas today. Will we find out who you are?
L :)

Christmas Eve

Well, I can't remember the last time I felt so awful. Nate, Jax and my Mom have all been under the weather and now it has made its way to me! I have been up all night with a sore throat, serious nasal congestion and drip and just pure misery! This really stinks to be sick on Christmas Eve. I don't feel like doing anything yet I have so much to do.

Gary always escapes sickness in our house. He is the most compromised by far but I think it is safe to say that he already has way too much on his plate and being sick would really complicate things. Thank God for the little things.

Gary had a kinda yucky day yesterday. We went to Barth's office and his platelets are falling fairly quickly. Normal range is 150-400 and for the past 3 weeks he has gone from 100 to 60 to 40. Evidently, the cancer is making it hard for his marrow to produce cells. The reds and whites are holding so now we deal with the platelets. If they fall too low over the weekend then we have to go at Hoag. Hopefully we can wait until Monday and then he can get a transfusion if he needs it on an out patient basis.

In light of my sickness we will not be going to the Montage the day after Christmas. It would be difficult for me to take care of Gary in a foreign place when I feel so crappy. We will reschedule for another time.

I hope Gary has a better day. We are going to church today and our family is lighting the Advent Candle at our 4 PM service. If any of you need a place to go to church you can always come our way to Mountain View. We meet at Tesoro High School and we have a 2:30 and 4 PM service. The boys are singing, too. I am really excited.

Well, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas Eve with family and friends.

We pray for everyone. Prayers for peace and happiness and protection and total dependence on God.

Blessings and Love on this special day,
L

When it Rains................

It's kinda cool that our weather is dreary and cold. Perfect for Christmas. I love having a fire and lighting candles and drinking hot cocoa while opening presents on Christmas Morning. I look forward to this day all year.

We wake up in the morning and we light the candle on Jesus' cake. We all sing Happy Birthday and we talk about the real meaning of Christmas. The kids really like doing that and they don't mind waiting to open presents.

Tonight the boys brought tears to my eyes. We were at the grocery store and whn we got there we passed a girl who was collecting money for hungry children. I gave 5$ to Nate and he gave it to the girl and off we went. We shopped and checked out and went out to the car to load things up. Zach got in the car and opened up his wallet. Nate did the same and together they pulled out 30$. Nate left and went across the parking lot and back to the girl to give it all to her to try and help the hungry kids. Our kids did this all on their own. Each Nate and Zach gave over 50% of the cash that each of them had in their wallets. What amazing hearts they have. Jax wanted in on the action too so I told him that when we went home I would take 5$ out of his wallet and we would go back and give it to her tomorrow. It warms my heart.

The spa was wonderful and I wish I could do that every single month. Girlfriend time is valuable and being pampered is special. It was such a treat and I am so blessed!

Gary is hanging in there. We will see Barth tomorrow and get his counts done to see how he is doing.

The tooth fairy must have been in our house last night to give Nate $$ when Nate got up to go to the bathroom. I told Nate that she has so many kids she goes to see every night that she had to move on and wait for another night to get back to him. Thank God she came early tonight. Poor Nate. So patient.

I have some prayer requests.

Please pray for some direction for us. Gary feels as if he is in limbo with his cancer. He is almost totally helpless and he doesn't want to be. He doesn't want to die but fighting cancer to try to eradicate it is very difficult. He is in pain all the time and things are just taking their toll mentally for all of us. Zach is having a hard time. I guess there is just a mess of things going on.

Please pray that I can keep things in perspective. I have been taking care of Gary for so long and I get stuck in the thick of things and sometimes I can't see out of the forest. I want to keep strong and focused on his care. I have felt the need for "my time" lately and I am not a selfish person but for whatever reason I have needed to get away and have that outlet.

I hope you all enjoy your Tuesday. BTW - Secret Santa brought 8 Christmas Crackers for us and we will pop those open on Christmas Morning. The boys loved them. They love their SS. Thank you for that little bit of joy each day.

Good Night.

Love and Smiles,

Lisa

Sunday Wrap Up

Another good day for Gary! He was out and about on the Trojan and he has been sitting up in bed very talkative ALL DAY! What a blessing.

Tonight we all got on the couch in his room and snuggled and Gary watched us from his bed smiling as we were playing and laughing. I think Gary really enjoyed that.

Once again Gary is eating like a little piggy. He polished off a half a loaf of pumpkin bread tonight and ate a HEAPING HUGE plate full of tacos. He also ate numerous pieces of See's Candy and he had a McChicken Sandwich for a snack. Wow! That is a lot.

Hobie was groomed and looks great. He is nice and soft and fluffy. He hates the groomers but he always feels so much better afterwards.

Chuck fixed Hobie's dog run and I am so happy! He will no longer get in the dirt and drag it into the kitchen.

The kids finished their Santa letter and I think our shopping is complete finally. I have a few little things but nothing big. It is a relief and things are almost all wrapped!

Steve is here trying to fix our computer. I swear - hate PC's! My Mac (as old and slow and dinosaur as it is) works a million times better than his PC and his computer is only about 18 months old. It has several viruses on it and hopefully Steve can get it fixed so that my Mom and Zach can get back on the internet.

Tonight was a home night and it feels good. My Mom is sick and the boys have been under the weather as well. I hope we are all healthy by Christmas.

So, Gary had a fairly good chance of not making it to Christmas and look at him go! Eating and scooting and talking and smiling. His voice is strong again and it is nice to see him doing something a little more than simply existing! An answer to prayer.

I have to get my beauty sleep for tomorrow is a super hard day. I have to leave at 8 AM.............................YEAH - Off to Burke Williams Day Spa for the day with lots of my great friends! I know how tough it is but someone has got to do it! I am getting a facial and mini massage and I am very much anticipating a relaxing day! Lunch after the spa will top it off and the Spa was a gift from a friend! I am so blessed and lucky!!! I really need this day!!

I hope you all have a great Monday!!!

Love and Hugs,
Lisa

Friends

Oh my heavens. What can I possibly say about our friends? Our friends are awesome and I learn so much from all of them every single day. Our friends teach me about life and the lessons that are all wrapped up inside it.

We have so many friends. Some we know in passing. Some are neighbors. Others are work friends. We have church friends. Baseball friends. Family friends. People we don't even know friends. Long-time friends. Close friends. Distant friends. All over the world friends. So many - too many to count.

Some of you we talk to every day. Some once a week. Some once a month. Others we never talk to but communicate via E-mail. Secret Santa friends and our friends at Beckstrand. Friends at Hoag and at Dr. Barth's office. My gosh. Our lives are overflowing with friends and goodness!!

Thank you all for being our friends. I can honestly tell you that we would never make it through this without you. In troubled times you really get to know who is going to bat for you. Some of you have run for the hills - don't worry - the forgiveness blog was targeted for you! ( I am totally kidding). It's good to have friends.

Last night we had our 4th & 5th grade Christmas Party at the Marvel's and I just love hanging out with those kids. I got home around 10 PM and passed out shortly after. Gary's sister left this morning and then I took Zach and his buddy Jake to get donuts and then to get Drano to try and unclog the boys shower upstairs. (The Drano was a no go but the acid worked beautifully).

I spent the rest of the day cleaning - the garage, the house, the yard and so on............. There are so many "man chores" to do and I stink at them. Gary has always done them. Drano, the yardwork, garage crap and searching for tools and other things. Chuck is always right there (our neighbor) to help me when I need it. John takes the trashcans out most of the time and Todd and Ken have all helped me out doing things around the house.

Gary and Chuck went to Home Depot today. It is so good for Gary to get out of the house. It takes about an hour to get him ready to just run a quick errand but it is worth it when he is feeling up to it. They replaced another fuse in the fuse box and changed out lightbulbs for me. Gary was outside in his wheelchair for quite some time. He even sat in the backyard and watched the kids jump.

The kids LOVE LOVE LOVE jumping on the trampoline! It is so great watching them have so much fun.

Our Secret Santa brought a game to us last night - Sorry Express (which the boys love) and today our SS brought cookie mix! So we mixed up some cookies and I baked this afternoon. They were so good! We had friends for dinner and I made my yummy chicken casserole and we sat by the fire and ate together. Nate slept in my bed next to Gary tonight and kept him company as they watched another run of Drake and Josh's Merry Christmas show. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz I always try to make sure at least one person eats dinner with Gary in his room. I would never want him to feel more left out than he already does.

Tomorrow Hobie gets groomed and I will work and go to church. After church Zach and I will run errands until Hobie is ready to be picked up and then we will come home and I will "wrap" some things up for Christmas.

Thanks for loving us - even if you don't know us. Thanks for supporting us - your notes, prayers, cards, meals, gift cards, gifts, and everything else is more than appreciated ALWAYS! So many of you have done the most amazing things for our family. Poker tourneys, money collections, other fundraisers, etc.......You have made our Christmas unexpectedly MERRY in more ways than you could count!

Make tomorrow a great day and remember to laugh and be Merry! Don't be grouchy as the stress of finishing up loose ends creeps upon you. Take it in stride and don't forget why we celebrate! Don't swear at stupid drivers or dingalingy people in line in front of you. Take a deep breath. Let someone merge in front of you or go ahead of you in line. Remember - one good turns deserves another.

When you are totally fraking out because company is coming and time is running out I urge you to take time to be a Mary and not a Martha! Just breath and enjoy. This time of year only happens once.

Love,
L

Catch Up

I forgot to blog yesterday so please accept my apology and allow me to get you all caught up!
Our Secret Santa struck again - twice!

Yesterday, we received an awesome CD complete with our "Grinchy" song! What a great CD! Tonight, we received a 6 pack of yummy rootbeer and yummy cookies! Gary is laying in bed right now with a cup of milk dipping his cookies. He has had a rootbeer and we even shared one with Jake. So exciting every day to find a new prize!

Yesterday we got the blood transfusions and so far so good. While we were getting the transfusions I found a random magazine to read (we were there for almost 6 hours) and I had quite the read all about forgiveness. It was such a great article about this subject so we will discuss it now.

They covered many stories of people - from wives wronged by meddling mother-in-laws to more serious things like cheating spouses and physically abusive husbands. Whatever the transgression was that was committed against these people they all were holding on to the pain and hurt and anger because they could not forgive. It festered and festered.

Some people had physical problems stemming from not letting go of their anger and pain. Others suffered mentally and the mental stress was overwhelming.

I know when I have been wronged I have had a hard time letting go of things. I am justice oriented and how dare anyone get away with yucky behavior or heinous things. After all, like in The Shack, I wanted to be my own judge and jury. Am I not entitled to do that?

Well, I have been through abuse and all sorts of other horrible things in my life (not going to bore you with details) and there was a time when I couldn't let go partially because I didn't want to and because of the above mentioned reasons. It had become part of me - my non-forgiving heart.

It is so unhealthy to allow these things to infiltrate our hearts and minds. I would feel sick as I let things eat away at me. Talking about them over and over. Trying to justify my feelings and thoughts. It is ridiculous that I was like that. Learning to forgive is hard BUT this is one of the greatest gifts I have given myself in my life. It has freed me and allowed me to move forward in a healthy way and to be able to make sound and strong decisions. I am who I am now because of the lessons I have learned stemming from these things. I am stronger and better than ever and I feel really great about that.

There is no point holding a grudge. You become handicapped by that act. God wants us to forgive. Does that mean we have to forget? No. Can it still arouse emotion sometimes even when we forgive? Absolutely. But, when you learn to give it up and give it to God it really is a great thing for your soul.

We all make mistakes. Some are bigger than others. We are not here to judge others. God is going to be doing plenty of that when we die and meet Him face to face. I just want to be the best person I can possibly be - it sucks that I fall short every day and I can never achieve perfection!

We are all ready to celebrate the holidays together and spend time with family and friends as we reflect on the past year and make plans for the year to come. If someone has wronged you - whether it be your mother-in-law's criticism of the way you raise your kids OR your husband who you have built resentment towards for whatever reason I urge you to find it in your heart to pray, forgive, ask God to take it from you and move forward and past it. Forgiveness is powerful. You don't have to do it for the person who wronged you BUT rather do it for yourself. Give yourself that gift and free your body and mind from the harsh effects that unforgiveness and the stress from it can cause.

Okay. I am off the soapbox now. I just want everyone to be happy and healthy and strong and loving and forgiving and the Good Lord wants that for all of you, too.

I have to go to bed now. It is late and I am tired and my brain hurts fom trying to articulate my deep thoughts. I hope it all made sense.

Love, peace, and forgiveness,
Lisa

IN&OUT

Hi. I am snuggled up on my couch in my SC sweatshirt and warm pants and Ugg Boots watching Mama's Boys. How hilarious. What doesn't Ryan Seacrest think of? He seems to be producing all of the reality based shows. The scary thing is that I fear that I WILL BE one of those awful Moms! No one is good enough, smart enough, etc......

Jax does not discriminate with his women. All ages - blonde, brunette, blue or brown eyes, freckles or not he likes them all. Jax continually gives us a run for our money. Jax has loved them and left them already! He has 9 ex-girlfriends. A few he has allowed to become girlfriends once again but not too many! What's up with our 6 year-old?

I am falling asleep and wanted to give you an update. No hospital but we have to be at Hoag by 9 AM because Gary has to have blood transfusions. His reds and his platelets are way down. (7.2 reds and 60 for the platelets). Normal for reds is 11-17 and platelets 150-400.

We are worried that Gary is bleeding through his Illeostomy but I am going to get a sample to send off to the lab tomorrow so we can know for certain. I hate not knowing things for certain.

We had a great dinner at In & Out! Our Secret Santa snuck up to our front porch AGAIN and left it for us! The kids were super excited. What fun we are having with that!

Pray for a Christmas Miracle for Gary. Pray that his pain subsides and he can be more comfortable.

Thank you!!!!!!

Love,
L

No Hospital Yet

Good Morning. Gary has been up most of the night writhing in pain. So, we will head off to Barth's office this morning and get his blood counts done and see if we can figure out what is going on. I hate to see him so miserable. It is so hard.

Hobie is such a bed hog and he takes up 1/2 my bed sometimes and for those of you who have seen my "couch bed" know there isn't much room to begin with! Thank God he doesn't snore.

I will give you all an update as soon as i have one.

Enjoy the cold weather and bundle up today!

Love, Joy, and Peace,
Lisa

Rainy Day

I kinda like the rainy day we just had. I am not a fan of the rain or the wind but Gary loves it so much and I actually enjoyed it with him. We went to Target today together and getting him in and out of the car in the rain was fun! Thank God the rain lightened up for us and we arrived home damp but not soaked.

I have to call the plumber tomorrow to fix a drain and fix our leaky toilet! What fun!!!

Our Secret Santa struck again and left us a book tonight! We read it before we went to bed and the kids LOVED IT! The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is not only the book we got tonight but it is also the play that Nate is in this week for Christmas. I am really looking forward to seeing it and if you are our Secret Santa and you are reading this blog I really want to thank you!

I also want to take time out to thank a few others. THANK YOU to Park Salon for being to gracious, kind, and thoughtful! I would also like to thank Liz and her gang at work! They brought us the coolest card (HUGE AND PERSONALIZED (you can tell it took a lot of time to make it) and a Christmas Tree in a boot with prizes all over it! There are so many kind and wonderful people. Thank you all for making our Christmas more special and brighter! Thank you Thank you Thank you to all of you!!!!

Gary is not well tonight. His face is very swollen and he is having severe joint pain in his legs. I have a feeling he might be having a reaction to the IV antibiotics. I have researched and researched and have not come up with anything. We were going to try and escape the doc office tomorrow but it looks like we might have to go IF WE DON'T head to the ER tonight. Pray that we stay home in our warm house!

The kids and I ran errands tonight and I actually switched their dinner and dessert so that their 1st course tonight was Cold Stone Creamery! They loved that and I loved being with them tonight. They were great helpers and good shoppers.

I am going to bed. Good Night and sweet dreams!

Love,
Lisa

Sunday Night

So, I went to church this morning and then had to pick up my grandma's Christmas present and then had to go to the grocery store. I did not get home until 1:15.

I pull up and Gary is outside with Chuck trying to fix our lights (they overload and shut off our power). They have been out and about since 10:30 AM at home Depot and then outside to add another breaker in our box. Gary had a GREAT morning! I think he is a little tired right now but then Rob came over and he was Mr. Chatty!

I have been getting ready for our Home Group. We usually do a Christmas Party complete with the fixins and gift exchange, etc... This year we are not doing that. We are going mellow. No gifts. No fuss. Just a simple get together with soup and sandwiches and fun. I think next Sunday we will just do dessert and maybe play some games together - maybe bunco! Okay guys. No sighs from you!

Our secret Santa left us a cool puzzle today. Who are you???????? You are lucky that Gary did not have his blinds open or he would have seen you! The kids LOVE IT and we love it , too!!!

Christmas is fast approaching. I am excited! I love Christmas and I even don't mind the wrapping. I love baking and all the smells and I love to give - even if it seems small.

I hope you all have a great Sunday night with friends and family.

Love and Hugs,
L

Santa

What a great day!
Santa came to our house and surprised the boys today at noon. He brought Mrs. Clause and three elves. It was so awesome and Santa was so great with the kids! Santa and the Elves even got on the trampoline and jumped and Santa did a FLIP! It was so cool.

We had lots of sweets for Santa and Jax kept saying OVER AND OVER again - Gee Santa. You sure are FAT! Santa's fat!! Fat Santa!!! It was a little embarrassing but cute and they got lots of cute little things.

I got some wrapping done and when I got home this afternoon there was a mystery bag on my doorstep and I think we must have a Secret Santa - unless someone is going to fess up! What a great surprise! I love that. Who are you????

Gary is finishing up Fettucini Alfredo and garlic bread with broccoli and carrots. A little midnight snack for him!

I have to sleep because I need to be at work early.

I will write more tomorrow night after home group.

Ciao and lots of love,
Lisa

Birthday Blessings

Good evening or shall I say Good Morning in about 15 minutes.
I think we had the last of my birthday celebrations tonight. Our Friday Night Friends came over for yummy chicken casserole and Mazi joined us for a viewing of Jacka$# on MTV. We were laughing so hard and we were trying to figure out why we all think it is so funny to see men hurting themselves. It was great.

Jake came over this afternoon to help me with the boys and they love hanging out with him. He has been a lifesaver many times for us. He is such a great babysitter - BTW - NOT giving his number out!!!

Gary had a better day today. He got into the Trojan and picked the boys up from school and he was so chatty tonight with all of our friends. I am glad he was feeling better.

We are watching Princess Bride - one of Gary's all-time favorites. I could take it or leave it so I think I will nod off while I can.

We are having some friends over tomorrow and the real Santa is coming over at Noon. Shhhhhhhh.........the kids have no idea. He is bringing his elves and I have lots of sweet treats and hot cocoa to be had by all! I am so excited!

Have a great weekend and I will try and update photos this weekend!

Love and Hugs,
Lisa

INFECTION TIME AGAIN

Hi everyone. You know when you have your day planned out and you have your "LIST" of things in sequencial order and you know you will have satisfaction once your day is done and you've accomplished most everything on that list? Well, today was not one of those days and I had my LIST ready to go which makes it all the more frustrating!

Best laid plans is what I had. Chaos and that horrible rushed feeling is what I ended up with instead.

Woke up. Took a shower. Got ready and slipped into Gary's jeans and a funky shirt to go off to the doc office. I usually get totally dressed BUT I knew I would have time once we got in and out of the office and home. NO makeup. Yucky hair pulled back. Lunch date scheduled for Noon. Looking forward to it. Coming home to get "cute".

Got to the doc office around 9. All hell broke loose (but in a very mellow way if you know what I mean. No drama. Just another bump in the road for Gary).
Gary spikes a very high fever at the office (has had a few low grade ones over the past few days - no biggie) and his left nephrostomy tube is not producing any urine. As it begin to show signs of urine I can tell you right now it is NOT the color urine is suppose to be.
So, blood cultures, hydration, urinalysis, CBC, and yes a scan. So, the scan is scheduled for 2:30 at the office and by this time it is now 11. Rachel (his awesome nurse) asks if Gary can stay put while I go to my lunch and then come back by the 2:30 appt (the scans are done in the imaging dept. at Barth's office so it is way convenient).

Off I go. Thinking at this point I have a little time to relax. Get to lunch. Sit down. Phone rings. It's Rachel. The CT machine broke at the office so we have to go to Irvine Regional (which is now Hoag #2) no later than 2 PM.

Rush through lunch. Steph drives me back to Barth's to get Gary. Get to Irvine Regional. HAD NO IDEA that because we had not ever been there that we had to go through the entire admitting process - paperwork, photocopies, etc....ALL the usual bologna.

We wait an hour and Gary goes back at 3 PM. We wait and while we do we ponder life's deepest mysteries and I yawn and feel like just crawling on the floor and curling up into the fetal position and passing out due to extreme exhaustion. The eyes got heavy but I stayed off the floor.

Dr. Arata tells us that Gary has a bad kidney infection - no other bad news. It's doable. IV anitbiotics, hydration daily, and the such. Done it many times and will do it as many more as I have to. We load and go.

Also, throughout the day we are dealing with uncontrollable and massive pain in Gary's leg. We had to up the pain pump and we drugged him up with dilaudid at the office. He is drugged out of his mind now and has been sleeping since 4 PM. Still asleep right now. He has not slept in days so this is good.

I am going to bed and hoping to get some things wrapped up tomorrow morning. I am scared to make plans so I will have the same attitude I tried to have today - easy come, easy go. It is what it is.

We have moved the rest of the birthday festivities to tomorrow night and I think the boys are okay with that. We were already going to be celebrating tomorrow night so we are just adding a few more things to the evening.

My birthday was filled with friends and fun and the speical gift of Gary still being with us. Doctor office or not we got to be together today - not in the conventional way - but nonetheless we were together. I am going to try and get him out of the house tomorrow ofr a little while. It's good for him to have a change of scenery (besides the doc office).

I hope you all have a wonderful Friday morning.

Thank you to everyone who texted me, E-mailed me, sent me Birthday cards and wished me well on my day. I have the greatest friends and family on the face of the planet - even though some of them are a little kooky! :) HeHe

Love to you all!
L

This Blog Is Being Hi-Jacked! :)

To wish a very special person....LISA SALLEE....a very Happy Birthday today!

Your friends and family want to make sure you know how much you are loved, appreciated and thought of today...Happy Birthday Lisa...may your day be happy and bright, and may you always know how much you are loved and thought of today and always!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

From your friends with all of our love and support! :)
Michele, Stacy, Monica, Jennifer, Suzy and spouses!

Fabio

I finally found a nickname for Jax that fits him to a T. Have you ever seen the cover of those cheesy romance novels with Fabio? After today, Jax has officially been named "Fabio". He has no idea who Fabio is but he thinks it's totally funny when I call him by that name!

I was wrestling him and he was in my lap and I was sitting on the couch snuggling over him and he looks up at me as serious as can be and proclaims - "Oh, this is sooooooo romantic!" Romantic? We are in TROUBLE with this one. He probably doesn't even know what it means but he certainly knows how to use it (with the exception of the fact that I am his Mom.)

If you believe in astrology there are some things that are said about the Scorpio sign and most of them ring true for Jax. He is something else - I just haven't quite figured out what that something is! Let's just hope that he doesn't use those cheesy lines on girls - only me for now.

Gary has been down in the dumps but his friend Steve came over today to take him on a walk (Gary scooted). That seemed to cheer him up a little. He is exhausted right now and I hope he is able to rest comfortably tonight.

I have a staff meeting and then a birthday pajama party tonight at Monica's. I am so excited to wear my jammies. How comfy. It should be lots of fun and very relaxing.

I hope you all have a great night.
All our love,
Lisa

Perspective

Whipped. That's what I am. I am laying in bed watching one of Gary's most favorite movies - Charlie Brown Christmas. I forgot how brutal these kids are to one another. Lucy can be ROTTEN!

We had a great time at Disneyland! No crowds. No fuss. No stress. Take our time. Chilly but nice weather. Good times with friends. Smiles all the way around - ALL DAY! Such a blessing. While we were there the boys went to their favorite store (the one over by the Tiki Room) and can you guess why it is their favorite? Yep - they have Webkinz there! So, the Webkinz are such a rip at $17.00 per animal! So, my cheapness got the best of me and after Disney we ended up running to the mall so that they could go to the American Greeting store to buy them for $9.99 each! I know it is their own money but getting a deal is huge! I want to help them to maximize their cash fund. Nate bought 4 (none of the ones I have for him for Christmas! ) and Jax bought 1. I am glad they are happy and enjoy them so much!

Gary had an okay day today. Steve came over and they went for a walk around the neighborhood. Well, Steve walked. Gary hopped on his "TROJAN" and off they went. I think I forgot to tell you that we named his scooter TROJAN because it is the crimson USC color! I think it sounds much better than THE GOLDEN COMPANION! So, Gary rode the Trojan and Steve hoofed it. He had a good dinner (his Mom cooked for him all weekend and left lots of his yummy favorites) and he just polished off a hunk of Pineapple Upsidedown Cake. I am sure he will want something else before I close my eyes.

We found out today that very close friends of my parents are now facing cancer. Bart and Dorothy are such nice people and I do not get to see them all that often but when I do I always enjoy seeing them and being with them. Bart was not feeling well and within a 3 day period he has been diagnosed with cancer in his brain and the doctors are confident that it is not brain cancer. It has spread from somewhere else (like the lungs). I will ask you all to pray for them tonight when you go to sleep. Gary and I both know how they are feeling now with this news and prayer is essential for them now. Pray for peace and patience.

Life is full of surprises. Some of them good and some of them bad. Who will be affected by cancer or any other awful disease or a tragic death? Who will win the lottery or get a promotion at work or find that one special person or bring a life into the world? You can't be defined by these surprises but you can be defined by how you handle these surprises. If you win the lottery do you blow it all or do you use the money wisely? Do you abuse your power at your new job or are you humble and learn to be a great leader? If you get cancer do you sink into a forever depression or do you forge on and try to be positive amidst your disease? If we have a strong foundation in our faith and we stop and look to God for answers and for help and guidance and love then I can guarantee you that whatever surprise comes your way you will be able to handle it with grace. This life we live here is short. It is not the end. It is only the beginning.

I know all of you think we are super heroes. I am happy you all think that and feel badly that you are so incredibly misguided! I can multi-task and it makes me look better than I am. Gary is a hero - a super hero in fact and he gets that title.

Thereare things I do on a daily basis to make things a little easier and lighter. I chose to be positive. I chose to be strong. I chose to be confident. I observed nurses and learned my way around drains and tubes and bags and IVs and wounds. Super Hero? I don't think so. Not even a little. I do not do anymore than any of you do. I know single Moms who are most definitely HUGE SUPER HEORES! I have friends who constantly give and give and give (I know because I am the recipient of the giving) and they are my HEROES! There are people who do not even know us who help us and support us and they are our HEROES. So many of you commit us to prayer and take time out of your day to talk to God about us and that is truly HEROIC.

The definition of hero is this:
A hero is a person of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his deeds and noble qualities.

Thank you all for rescuing us and being so heroic. I know cancer is scary and it is much easier to try to turn your face from it then to be in its face! It takes courage to be on this journey with our family. I used to shrink away from cancer in part because I thought if I was around it I might somehow get it. Not that it is contagious but that maybe God would expose me to it to get me ready for someone close to me who would get it. I know it sounds kinda funny but that's how I thought. I now know that my perspective is not a Godly one and I no longer feel like that. Our cards have been dealt and now we will continue to deal with the hand. I hope the river is better than the draw!

Off to bed.

Love to you all! 16 days until Christmas!

Lisa

Monday

It's 6 AM and Zach just left with Matt to go surf at Creek. They are meeting Nips there and Zach is just stoked to go at this hour and be there with the guys. I stress a little. I can only give the speach about respecting the ocean so many time.s Don't turn your back on a wave. Stay with Matt & Nips. Heads up! Keep your leash SECURELY fastened to your ankle. Who am I kidding? How many times does he have to hear it? I guess giving him reminders can't hurt and it sure mankes me feel better.

Prayer is so essential right now. Everytime i feel scattered and I am trying to do this and do that and doing dong doing everything myself I have to stop and I do realize that I need to get quiet and just pray for some perspective. God patiently waits for my rants to finish and MY "best" plans to be made and I know that He knows I will ultimately end up getting quiet and coming to Him in prayer and that is exactly what I do. Everything calms down. I get centered (sounds so Zen - nothing New Age about me). I pray. I gain perspective. Everything is better. I am happier.

Remember to slow down. I know we are all busy (especially now) and life can get the best of us most of the time. Just keep in the back of your mind that you have an alternate way to prioritize your days and your life. You can pray consistently and ask God to keep you focused and on task. If you are resting in Him then life WILL be easier. Trust me. I have tried to do this alone. I can do anything after all. I learned the hard way. Now, I get flustered and frustrated sometimes BUT if I stop to think why I feel that way it is because I have been out of prayer and not allowed myself the quiet time I need and God WANTS me to have.

I took the boys out of school today. Nate and Jax have been having a hard time with our situation and I am not around very much so I thought I would take them to The Happiest Place On Earth for the day and just have a great time! Matt and Jen are coming too and it will be nice and cool today! I know the boys will have a great time and normally I would never take them out of school right now BUT life is not normal SO THERE!!!

Gary had an okay weekend and we had our Annual Baseball Friends Christmas Party last night. The guys hung out in the bedroom with Gary all afternoon and evening and that was awesome for Gary. The kids ran wild and the Moms enjoyed some cocktails and laughs. After everything we go through we both realize how important it is to just be with friends and enjoy our time together.

Gary's Mom is leaving this morning and Gary is having a hard time with her departure. He realizes it might be the last time he sees her and those "eye opening" moments can be so overwhelming. I told him not to think about it (I know - not practical or logical) and that she will hopefully get back out here soon with his Dad in tow.

I am going to lay back down for another half hour before I have to get up and get ready for the day.
Have a great Monday and remember to pray!

Love,
L

Webkinz

What is the big whoop with Webkinz? I really like stuffed animals and had many of them growing up but our kids are obsessed with these things (mainly Nate and Jax)! You will not believe the great lengths Nate went to to get a "retired" webkinz. I am in shock that they actually "retire" them!

Nate wanted the Sherbet Bunny. Evidently this particular bunny is a "first run" Webkinz (whatever that is). So, Nate does what any 8 year-old would do - logs on to Ebay to check it out!?!

Nate has about $100.00 from his birthday and it is burning a hole in his pockets.
To make a long story short and after many arguments and tears Nate bid on the bunny. Gary and I were not keen on him spending money on this animal and at first we said no and he cried and Jax cried and it was this HUGE to do. So, after Gary and I spoke we decided that it was Nate's money and he should be able to spend it on anything he wants to spend it on.

Later in the evening my Mom overhears Nate talking to Zach and Jax and telling them that he KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT TO DO to get what he wants and that he WORKED GARY AND I OVER! OMG - what a turkey! He can think what he wants! Back to the bunny.

I told you that he bid on the bunny but I did not tell you how much he bid and if he won. He lost the first auction by a dollar and he won the second and he paid a disgusting $69.00 for the bunny. Are you all gasping? I wouldn't mind it so much if he was going to buy the thing as an investment because it appears to be a great money maker but we all know that he is going to yank the tags off and log that bunny right on to the Wenbkinz site and start playing!

I am happy that he is so happy. Now, I have a bigger problem with Jax. If Nate has a "retired" bunny then Jax wants one, too! He wants either the bunny or some Magical Dog something! So far, I have been able to persude him NOT to buy the thing. I told him he could by 7 Webkinz for the price of the one "retired" one. Things are looking like I will prevail!

Gary is hanging in. The pain is still bad and he does not have much of an appetite right now. He is down to 140 lbs. He has 6 tubes coming out of his body and he is very weak. Some days are really bad then he bounces back and has some good days. Please keep us in your prayers. As Christmas approaches sometimes we both get really teary and I really want this Christmas to be super special. I know there will be tears but I want more smiles than sadness.

Have a great Saturday!

Love, Lisa

Emotionally Bankrupt

Hi. Well it is safe to say that I am officially emotionally bankrupt right now. We have been through sooooooo much and more and more piles on and I have these periods where I feel as if I can't handle one more thing. It is so depressing sometimes and I am not a depressed person.

Gary had the surgery to place the nephrostomy tubes into his kidneys and we just got home from that. He is so weak the past few days and if you saw him you might think he has Parkinsons. I look at him and wonder how much more he can take. The body takes a beating and then another and yet another and the beatings keep going with no end in sight and yet Gary endures.

I have had to drug him up for the better part of each day as of late because of his pain level. We are scheduling an appointment with a doctor at Mission to place the morphine pain pump in Gary's spine. This should happen soon. Another hospital. More paperwork. New nurses and doctors. Yada Yada Yada.........boring and frustrating.

The kids are coming home to the carpet which has been beautifully cleaned. Beacon Carpet did a fantastic job and the carpet will be dry in about 24 hours. It is so nice. When your carpet is filthy it tends to make you feel like your entire house is that way as well.

Gary's Mom is flying in tomorrow night to spend a few days with us. It will be good for Gary to spend time with her as he has not seen her in a few months. We wish his Dad could come out as well but right now he would have great difficulty making it. Maybe once his treament has started he will feel well enough to come.

I am going to try and take the boys to Disneyland tomorrow after school. I love Disney at Christmas. i especially love the parade at the end of the evening and the snow on Main Street.

Well, I better get going and get ready for the boys to walk through the door at any moment.

Love To All,
Lisa

DECEMBER 1 UPDATE

Wow! What a way to start off our month. Tonight Tyler and Celeste from the Beckstrand Foundation came to our home and gave our family an early Christmas Celebration! They surprised the boys with gifts and they gave our family a very special gift.
They named a star after Gary (the Gary Sallee star is in the Perseus constellation) and told us that Gary will always be in the sky looking after our family. It was so incredibly touching and awesome. Our kids are so blessed! WOW.

Gary is still feeling badly but we met with Dr. Barth today and we are getting the ball rolling with some things that need to be done to try to help Gary with not only the pain but with damning the flood that has created "Lake Sallee". I must say that today we have not had a flood for some reason. Everything has been draining the way God intended it to drain. So, go figure. At least I will get some sleep and hopefully it will not flood again until we get the nephrostomy tubes in place.

Gary will finish the last radiation tomorrow and we will check into South Coast Hospital on Wednesday morning at 7 AM for the nephrostomy tube placement. It is out patient and we should be home around 4 PM Wednesday.
Dr. Barth would also like to place a morphine epidural in Gary's spine in an attempt to help control the immense pain radiating from that darn left leg. Cross your fingers and hope it works!

We are sitting here talking about tonight and taking it all in. A star is in the night sky that symbolizes Gary and that is such an amazing thing. This is going to be one special Christmas!

I am really glad we are in a good mood tonight. It feels good to smile and be peaceful!
Off to slumber.

Love To You All,
L

END OF THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND

On His Own Words..................
Thanks for all of your help and prayers. I really appreciate it. We have food on our table and a beautiful christmas tree in our home. Our lights are beautifully done and our bills are paid. We have gas in our cars and the love from all of our family and friends. Your prayers mean so much. We are so blessed. G

There you have it. That is more than he has said since we sat up all night Thursday night talking and crying and just coming to terms with what we are probably facing.

Gary has not felt well at all over the past few days. Thanksgiving marked the first "crappy" day and he is still not feeling well. I am not sure that he even knows what is wrong. He is in loads of pain and that is consuming him. Everything else seems to be okay. No more fevers and no more infection - so it appears.

I will stay up tonight and hang the garland on the stairs. Tomorrow night a family that volunteers from the Beckstrand Corporation is coming to bring the boys some little gifts for Christmas. I have not told them yet nor have we told Nate and Jax what is happening with Gary. No time seems to be the right time. It will be soon.

School starts tomorrow. I am glad because the boys have been fighting over Webkins constantly! I am not naming names but one of my boys almost ended up in the back of a Police Car today after church. It was utterly embarrassing and I was mortified! He was not a deviant or delinquent but he was completely and totally out of control and he baracaded himself inside of the Chevron on the corner of Antonio/Oso because I would only allow him to get a 20 oz. coke instead of a 2 litre bottle! What a wicked and completely unfair Mom I am!!!

Well, off to bed because we have an early day and a long day at the doctors tomorrow.

Love to you all! Get shopping. Only 24 more days left to shop before Christmas!! Times a tickin!!

XOXO
Lisa

HAPPY TURKEY DAY

Gary is home and we are watching The Cooking Channel. He is actually an EATING MACHINE right now. I had a hard time fitting in his antibiotic (has to be taken an hour before or 2 hours after a meal) into his food schedule!

Lots has happened over the past 24 hours since I last posted so I will catch you up to speed.

We talked to Zach in great detail. We both read When Children Grieve before speaking to Zach and we are so thankful for that book. I know I have mentioned the book before because it deals with ALL loss (pet death, divorce, death of a relative or friend, etc...). Love this book. Anyhow, we laughed together and we cried together and we prayed together and just talked very openly and it was more than Gary and I could have hoped for. So, thank you for your prayers.

Dr. Barth came in to talk with us and he spent almost an hour talking to Gary and to me and to Zach. Nothing has really changed from the previous correspondence with the exception of our home care. We are not on Hospice as per Dr. Barth's recommendation. Gary is eating plenty and his nutritional values are better than they have ever been. His liver functions are completely normal (which is kinda scary seeing as there is cancer in there) and his cancer has shrunk (ever so slightly but it has).

We are basically putting out fires at this point in time. As long as Gary feels okay and it not being killed by his pain and has a quality of life that is acceptable to him then we can keep chasing down infections.

However, Gary has developed a fistula. Fistulas are common problems post operatively. A fistula is a "tunnel or connection" between 2 places that should not be there. So, Gary's bladder did not completely heal from the last surgery and a fistula has formed between his bladder and his wound. So, instead of his urine naturally flowing out where it should it is now coming up out of his wound and you can only imagine what a wet mess this has become. Lake Sallee is what I refer to it as. So, next week we will go to Barth's office and Gary will have 2 nephrostomy tubes placed (tubes that go into the kidney and come out of the back to drain the urine). These tubes will bypass the bladder completely which will dry up the wound. The cancer in the bladder can grow without the flow of urine and thus in theory decreasing the chance of infection.

So, as if we weren't complicated enough for all of you we have once again added another twist to Gary's care. For now I will change the wound dressing (like 20 pads that make him look 6 months preggo) every 3 or so hours to keep Gary dry. Our schedule will be like it was when we had a newborn.

BTW - Happy Thanksgiving everyone. There are so many incredible people we need to give thanks to. The miracles and love that have come out of our tragic cancer battle are abundant and overflowing. Even though we probably face the unimaginable we give thanks and give thanks and give thanks for everything God has given us. Everytime we turn around we are showered with love and support and friendship and warmth. God has always provided for us through all of you and we just thank Him and you for everything. We could never thank all of you enough -ever!

So, after Thanksgiving we will talk to the 2 other boys and then we are going to live every single day to the fullest! We will have many early Christmas celebrations and just soak everything in!

But for now we look forward to tomorrow and tomorrow we will feast on turkey until we can't button our pants (maybe we should wear elastic waist pants like Gary does every day)! We will toast all of you because that is what we are so thankful for!

We can still pray for a miracle. We also need to pray for continual peace and comfort as well. BTW - my headache is gone and I feel 100% better!

Enjoy eachother and give thanks for everything you have been given by Our Father. We are all so fortunate!

With Love and Thanksgiving,
Lisa and Gary

TUESDAY UPDATE

So......I am having a very hard day. In a nutshell here is the latest........

Gary is coming home tomorrow. We have a meeting with Hospice tomorrow morning to get things set up.
Gary has something wrong with his bladder and the urine is leaking up through his wound. This is not fixable.
We had CT Scans and are waiting for the results. He is on antibiotics and he is being hydrated.

We have been told that Gary will probably not be alive at Christmas but we are hoping that he will be.
The thought of planning his Memorial before Christmas is heart breaking.

I have been crying for so long and I don't want to cry anymore.
My heart hurts so much. Just thinking about Gary actually dying is so incredibly painful.

I am taking Zach up to the hospital this afternoon and Gary and I are going to talk to him tonight and tell him what is going on. We will wait to talk to the other boys until we get Gary home and situated. Barth is coming in tonight to talk to Gary and I. He will be our Hospice doctor.

We ask that you pray for us. I know how many of your hearts are breaking right along with ours. I am so sorry that we all have to go through this.

If you were to see Gary or talk to him you would never ever in a million years at this point believe that he is actually going to die. He is so talkative and eating so well (despite the 20 pound weight loss). It's so hard to believe in a way.

My stress level is through the roof right now and I have had the mother of all migraines since 4 AM. None of the medicine I have is helping right now. Steph and Stacy had to drive me home this morning because of my headeache and I have been waiting to be able to drive. Stacy is picking the boys up in a few minutes and Zach and I should be on our way.

I know I am rambling but I also know I will get to a calm place and be able to focus. God is so good and he loves both Gary and me so much. I know His heart breaks right along with ours.

The boys went to Disneyland yesterday and now they get another fun evening (except Zach). I feel like we are ambushing him. I have been looking at him all day and thinking about how he has absolutely no idea what we are going to tell him. I feel so bad. I want to be strong but I know when we tell him that we are all going to fall apart.

I know that God will provide the wisdom we need to be able to talk to the kids.

Prayers, Peace, and Love,
Lisa

Monday

Hi again.
We are on our way to Hoag now. Gary is being admitted to the 8th floor I think.
I will update tomorrow as to what is going on.
Don't freak. Nothing urgent - I think.........
Love, L

MONDAY EARLY MORNING

Good Morning.

We just got home from Hoag. What a very long night.

I will not bother to bore you with details other than to say that we are not sure what is going on. We know that Gary has an infection because his white blood count is 28,000 (normal is 4,000-11,000). It might be the original C Diff or it might be a urinary infection that is irritating the intestines and causing fluid absorbtion in the intestine rather than the bladder (which would account for the lack of urine and the mass output in the illeostomy). They started him on 2 different antibiotics tonight.

So, we will wait for the cultures to come back and talk with the Infectious Disease Doctor in the morning. They wanted to admit Gary but after all this time of getting to know the routine and knowing that we can care for him at home we asked that he be able to come home so that we could bypass the dreaded hospital stay. Thank God for Dr. Carroll (Barth's partner) because he backed up our decision and here we are!!!

We are unwinding now and hopefully able to fall asleep. My migraine just went away and thank God I forgot to give Michele her Excedrin back because it squashed that dang headache tonight! I feel so bad because over the past few days I missed Jenn's awesome Creative Memories Party and I missed Wendy's surprise party. I will have to make it up to them as long as they don't hold their breath waiting for me to do so!!! :)

Off to hopefully a peaceful slumber! I am suppose to take the kids to Disneyland today with Steph. I guess we will see how that goes! I need to set up doctor appointments, get drugs sent to the house, and get Hospice in place within the next few days. We are going to pick our Hospice Company and doctor this week. Should be lots of fun!!!

Thank you for your love and prayers and I will let you all know what's happening as soon as we find out.

Good Night (or morning for those of you who are getting up and going to work).

Love, L

Sunday Night

HI everyone.
I just wanted you all to be praying for us as we head to the ER at Hoag. Gary's urine output has not improved and his C Diff seems to be out of control. He does not feel sick or bad besides the usual pain but we have to get him checked to find out what is going wrong besides the obvious.

Please keep us in our prayers as I think we might be faced with very tough news and decisions tonight regarding where to go from here with Gary's care.

Love Always,
Lisa

Sunday Morning

I woke up at 1 AM and Gary had a 103.4 fever. I have been hydrating him for days and he has been drinking but has little urine output. My thoughts and fears is that this tumor in his bladder is either doing 1 of 2 things. It is either growing partially in front of the super pubic tube or it has caused a tear in the bladder wall and he is leaking into his body. Now, I am not a doctor and I could be totally wrong.

We might have to go to the ER today instead of waiting to call doctors tomorrow. I do not want him to become septic. I am going to wait and see how he is doing to make a decision. I think at this point (although he is not ready to give up by any means) I need to get Hospice on board because they can help with all of these decisions.
I just wanted to give you a brief update to let you know what was happening with Gary.

I hope you all have a very blessed Sunday!
Love, Lisa

DIET NO GO

Hi everyone.
Well, Gary does not want to do the diet we were going to try. He feels so crappy most of the time and it is hard enough to get him to eat "normal" food. It is just too much of a struggle to keep up with this new lifestyle. We are still going to make some changes with our food. We will have no more soda and cut back on sugar and processed foods. We will limit our red meat and cut back on the carbs. Gary and I will still be taking the supplements and I will try to stick to the more stringent diet.

Gary and I have had many conversations about him dying lately. My head hurts and I am emotionally exhausted from talking about all of this and thinking about it constantly. We are both scared and worried and nervous and more than sad could ever be. So much to talk about (you can only imagine) and we are unsure as to how much time we have left together.

Today we had an amazing surprise! Liz and all of the wonderful people she works with (Along with Patrick - the professional light installer/electrician) came to our house and were there ALL afternoon hanging lights all over the outside of our house! What an awesome gift to our family! We were amazed that people that do not even know us came to bring special holiday cheer to us. WOW. The house looks great and if anyone needs to hire someone to do their lights Patrick and his company were excellent and nice and helpful and they did a great job!!

Gary is going to try and go to our Thanksgiving service tomorrow morning. It would be great to have him there with us!
Home Group is coming tomorrow night and the kids had a very busy weekend!

Off to bed cause I am a sleepy head! Pray that Gary can get some rest tonight!

Love and Warm Hugs,
L

4 DAY RECAP

Wow. So busy and so sorry for keeping all of you in the dark for the past 4 days. So much has happened so I will write this blog in segments with titles so that you can skip around if you like.

C DIFF - Round 2

Gary has C Diff once again. This time it is not so bad because I knew what to look for and I caught it right away. Gary is on Flagyl again to combat the C Diff and has had some fevers but not too many. I have had to medicate him pretty heavily the past few days because of pain and he is starting to shake a little and studder. I hope his system gets used to the increase of pain meds again and that the apparent symptoms from the drugs go away. I think he is having an allergic reaction to something because his eyes are red and his nose is watering. We'll get it all figured out.

NO MORE CHEMO - On to a Cancer Free Diet!!

So, I am getting hyponotized on Friday so that I can endure this diet. There are officially no other treatments options available to Gary. When Stacy found out I was getting hyponitized she wanted to come along to see if she could change a few more things about me! HA HA.

No more chemo and no clinical trials. Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Dr. Barth has taken us as far as we can go and we are so thankful to him for his medical expertise and knowledge. Gary is not sold on Hospice coming in yet and we will wait until we get the green light from him.

So, we are going to go an alternative route and we are going to follow this book called Cancer Free by Bill Henderson. In a nutshell, RAW RAW RAW! Nothing else. Sprouted breads and raw veges. Hello! I never eat raw veges and sprouted breads. This is going to be very difficult for me. Hypnosis is going to help because I REALLY want to do this to not only get very healthy but to see if we can help Gary. Loads of supplements as well. Pray for me and for Gary as we give up dairy, sugar, DIET COKE, pasta, LICORICE, meat, chicken, fish, sauces, butter, herbs, and the list goes on and on and on..........I CAN DO THIS!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAX

Yesterday marked Jax's 6th year of life! He is not going to have ap arty this year simply because I can't take on the planning of an event like that right now. So, he will have to suffer with Ruby's and a new Build A Bear! Poor guy! Nate will suffer the same fate as his birthday is here is 9 days. He will probably pick something different to do for our "family dinner" - which BTW I can't eat anyhow!


USC - Beyond our Wildest Dreams

So, the Beckstrand Corp. is a non-profit company that seek to help families who are suffering the effects from cancer. They are able to help so many families and yesterday they certainly helped our family.

Will Collins just graduated from USC and played on Sc's football team as their only long and short snapper. He is humble and I had to dig around on the internet last night to find out what a great player he was!

Beckstrand arranged for Will to meet us up at SC yesterday and Will gave Gary and the boys the time of their lives! Jenn and Cole were able to come with us as Jenn guided us around the campus before we met Will and into the bookstore where the boys found some awesome hats and stuffed animals!

Will introduced us to basically the entire football team and we stayed on the field until practice was over and the media swarmed in for interviews. Will, Pete Carroll and the USC Football team presented Gary with a signed ball and the boys got their t-shirts, hats, and posters signed by some of the members of the team as well. Nick Sanchez (Mark's Dad) was so incredibly kind as he wheeled Gary around the field and made sure he was bundled up with his blanket.

There are no words to tell you how awesome the experience was. Jenn was able to take about 200 photographs and I will have those soon. Pete joined us once again at the end with Will and Nick and told our family that we can come up to the field whenever we want to sit and watch practice and hang out. We even have a special number to call to make that happen! The boys were overjoyed - especially Zachary!

What an amazing time and our thanks to Lil and to Will for making it happen. Will was the best contact because he walked us through their entire practice and told us how they do everything and why. It was so incredibly interesting and such a privilege. Might i say how HUGELY GINORMOUS those players are. Some of the guys are smaller but the average player is around 6'2" or 6'3" and about 220-230 LBS!

I can't say enough and I can't wait for you all to see some of the photos!

I have to get going to get ready for my meeting and for the boys to get home. We have a busy night again with our neighbor's birthday party and playdates!


Have the best day ever!

Love,
Lisa

Friday Night

Hey everyone.

Today was a little bit of a better day for Gary! We'll take it!

We are debating going another round of chemo. We don't have all of the info we need to make the decision yet so we are taking the weekend to figure some things out. I have to research this new drug to see if there would be any benefit from doing this.

Gary finished Round 2 of 10 radiation treatments today. Such a long drive for 7 minutes in the Linear Accelerator. Hopefully it will help with the pain.

The Poole's are coming over for our usualy Friday night dinner together and we will once again have Big O To Go! Gary loves his pizza and his time with Todd & Suzi!!!

Zach and I are kickin it on the couch in Gary's room and the little guys are taking showers. They all smelled like little puppies when they came home from school today. It is so darn hot and they play so hard.

We are looking forward to a down weekend. Hopefully I can rest my back and it will begin to feel better. Taking that wheelchair in and out of the car and helping Gary everyday is wrenching my lower back but he's worth the pain!

I hope all of you have an exciting Friday night!

Thanks for your prayers!!!

xoxo,
Lisa

Thursday November 13

Another day. Joyce and GiGi and Judy came out to visit from La Quinta today and it was great to see them. Gary's Dad is unable to come and visit us. He is in so much pain from compression fractures caused by the myeloma. Both he and Gary sit in their beds all day on opposite sides of the country in so much pain and it is such a sad set of circumstances for both of them.

Zach had a great time on the Pilgrim last night and he was exhausted tonight. The boys are all ready to hit the sack tonight! Jax is putting a smile on my face and he is sitting on the couch next to me singing a song from his upcoming Tom & Tilly Thanksgiving Performance. He only knows one verse but I think I need to adpot it as my motto - I am happy and I have nothing to fear.

I just love that and I need to put that into action. I have done so well until now managing fear and stress. Now, I am feeling it and it is taking its toll on me. For those of you who know me well I do not like drama nor do I function well with drama. I hate things to be out of control and do not deal with stress and fear or confrontation- especially when it comes to what we are very possibly facing. I like to know what is happening so that I can best prepare for things (Gary is getting chemo so in 4 days we will start looking at his counts and he will most likely have transfusions. Gary is getting a scan so that we can see what is going on with his cancer and we get the results quickly. ) I can plan for those things. Now there seems to be no plan. No timeline. No goal. We are merely existing and just waiting and praying.

Given our present set of circumstances I find myself being filled with fear intermittently and I hate feeling like that. It is horrible. The thought of Gary dying makes me sick most days. Do I wish for him to suffer? Of course not. I wish for him to have an earthly healing and if that is not possible I am not so selfish that I would want him to suffer here on earth until he is old and gray. Some days I look at him and I am filled with hope that he will overcome this. Other days I look at him and watch him writhe in pain and I feel like he is slipping away from me.

Gary is my best friend. I can completely and totally be myself with him at all times and I can tell him anything. I confide in him, ask him to help me change when I need to change and trust him completely. I am truly myself with him all the time. He never judges me or criticizes me in a negative way. He laughs at my jokes and rubs my feet when they hurt. He makes me want to be a better person.

Every morning he used to sit and drink his coffee and write me a little love letter - every single day! I loved waking up to those and I have saved them all!!! He scratched my back and he drove me around when our family ran errands. He was my DD so that I could have a drink at dinner (our family has the 1 drink no drive policy). He did the laundry and the dishes and took care of all of the handyman stuff around the house. He took the trash out and locked the house up every night. He said prayers with the kids and I and he even has been known to scour tubs and toilets! He has made me feel safe and so loved and he opened the door for me when we went out and always let me watch "chick shows" at night. He worked on the cars and fixed the appliances. My heavens - he did so much for us. I wish every day that things were still the same................

But, they aren't and I miss those things terribly. I want that back and I know I will most likely not have those things again unless he is healed miraculously.

All of the little things mean so much. I know when you are married or in a relationship you end up bickering sometimes and nit picking at the littlest things about eachother. I will tell you right now that none of those little things matter. None of those things. It seems like a waste of time to get cranky and yucky.

We should always look for the positive in people and situations instead of focusing on negative things. It's kinda like when we go to a restaurant or a hotel and we get bad service or something doesn't go right and we are so quick to complain. We should be just as eager if not more eager to compliment people or places when we see or experience good things. Too much negativity in the world if you ask me.

My friend Kathy has a license plate that I have always loved. PRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS. I think that is such a great saying. You all have been so kind to our family and for that we are so grateful. I hope we can pass the kindness forward someday soon. Our 3 boys will grow up being taught to be kind, have giving hearts and to always be full of love.

I hope all of you can pray for me. I am stressed over several things. I obviously have fear for our future. The uncertainty and lack of direction we have now is overwhelming and scary. Please pray that Gary can sit down and talk with Dr. Barth about options and direction.

We have a big surprise for Gary and the boys on Tuesday and I will blog about it Tuesday night when it is all said and done. It should be the perfect afternoon - barring Gary is feeling halfway decent.

I hope you all have a great evening and please remember to say something really nice to someone at some point in time this week and remember to be happy!

Love and Hugs,
Lisa

Tuesday November 11

Good Evening.

Today was not a good day for both Gary and me. Gary was not feeling well all day and he has been having extreme bouts of sweating. I think he is having what doctors refer to as cancer sweats and I hate to even admit that or say it.
I am worried about him and I just want to see him comfortable.

We saw Dr. Gluzman (pain management) and Nicole (physician assistant to Barth) today and we are waiting for the results of Gary's kidney function. If his function is good then he can stay on Toradol (his wonder pain drug). If the levels are off then we have to take a break and we will figure something else out.

Gary slept from about 1:30 until 6:30 tonight. He is just exhausted. We were up ALL NIGHT last night and I gave him more pain meds today to help him to sleep and rest. It worked.

I sat in the parking lot at Target with Zach tonight as we both cried and cried and cried and had a conversation that no Mom should ever have to have with her 9 year-old son. Zach has been piecing things together and it was time that I talk to him and let him know what is going on right now. I told him that the doctors could not help Daddy anymore with medicine. I told him that we were not doing anymore chemo and that basically we are hoping and praying for a miracle. I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack and I have felt like that a lot lately. I could feel my heart beating so hard and I hate feeling like that. Zach understands oh too much and my heart hurts for the boys. I try not to think about it too much but sometimes trying doesn't always work. I know we will have many more conversations and I know it is healthy but it is so incredibly hard. With God we can do anything. Although we have begun talking to the kids I still ask that no one says a word to them about Gary's condition. We need time to do that and I do not want them hearing things from other people. I thank you all in advance for that.

Gary and Jax are in Gary's hospital bed snuggling right now. Jax is such a great snuggler and Gary so enjoys that. He is just the right size to fit right next to Gary. Gary has a very content look on his face. I think it is the combination of Jax being with him and the HUGE bowl of Captain Crunch he just devoured!

Zach is spending the night on the Pilgrim tomorrow night so I have been getting him ready for that! He is really excited and it should be a great learning experience.

The last baseball game of the season will be Sunday and I am looking forward to the break for a few months. With everything going on it will be 6 less things on the calendar each week!

I am still under the weather and have this irritating cough - like a tickle in my throat - that is lingering and lingering. Nate is coughing and Jax has a runny nose. Hopefully Zach, Gary and my Mom can stay totally healthy.

We have Pastor Vaswig coming over to the house at 9:45 AM tomorrow morning to pray with us. He is a well-known healing pastor and I had contacted the church a while back to see if he would be available to pray with our family. We are happy to have him come over and pray over us and for us.

Off to put the wild boys to bed!

We love you all and are still on a high from the AMAZING B-DAY PARTY!!!!
Thank you all.

XOXO
Lisa

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WITH A BANG!

I feel bad for those of you who missed Gary's Birthday! What a party to honor such an incredible man! I think we both expected a whole lotta people but we never expected as many as we had. People we see, people we haven't seen in a while, old friends, new friends, baseball friends, church friends, family friends, kids, and on and on and on! Gary's brother Mike and his sister Terry flew in to surprise Gary for his birthday and the boys loved meeting them and hanging out with them.

We had over 150 people at our house to celebrate Gary. The most amazing thing about his party - every single person that came WANTED to be there. None of these people came because they work with him or for him and no one came out of obligation. That many people love Gary and our family because Gary is such a great guy! Now that's a legacy! Gary had a smile for 5 hours and he told me that he felt like Santa Clause! He loved taking photos with all of you and between Jenn and Brent and Kayla and whoever else took pictures we should have some great ones!

We talked to the boys as we were reading all of your cards and opening up gifts and they were able to really hear how much their Dad is loved and that is such a special gift you gave to us on Sunday!

Gary received over 50 beanies and the boys have already had quite the fashion show with the beanies! He got gift cards and cash and books and shirts and candles and movies and so much more I can't even recall! What a GREAT BIRTHDAY!
Thank you all ofr coming and sharing this day with Gary and me and the boys. You have no idea how special it was to our whole family.

Thank you to all of my girlfriends who made this so much easier for me - shopping, cakes, trash, photographs, memory board, cooking, cleaning up (the boys helped, too! - lots and lots!!!), setting up and everything else. I could not have pulled this off without all of you! XOXO

Well, yesterday was not a good day. I ended up having to cancel all of his appointments because he was in so much pain. Today we will go see Dr. Gluzman and see what we can do about his pain management. Radiation will start Wednesday now. Who knows when we will go see Barth and we need to see Ashkenaze to get his staples removed from his back and hip. We are going to the Montage today to have out family photo taken for our Christmas cards. I hope Gary feels well enough to go!

We started talking about Christmas yesterday and I asked Gary what he wanted. With tears in his eyes he asked if I could give him a couple more months so he could be with me and the boys longer. That broke my heart in a million pieces because I want to give that to him.

Gary's Dad has been diagnosed with myeloma and we are waiting for the results from the bone marrow sample they took to see the extent of the cancer and to see exactly what kind it is. We will know within the next few weeks and in the meantime Gary's Dad and Mom will be coming here at the end of the week/beginning of next week to see us and spend some time with Gary. Gary is very happy.

I had better start getting ready for my day. Time gets away from me most days and before I know it half the day is over.
The boys, Hobie, Gary and my Mom are still sleeping. It is nice and quiet here.

Here are some things I ask all of you to pray about for our family.
1. Pray for pain management for Gary. I feel like we have been praying for that for a long time now.
2. Pray for a miracle for healing for Gary. Remember, God can come in at any time.

There is so much to pray for and I will add some more requests tonight.

Love to you all,
Lisa :)

Gary is home

I have a prayer request from Gary.
He is asking for your continued prayers and for everyone to keep praying for a spontaneous remission. We are both overwhelmed with your thoughts and love and support and prayers. We thank you all. This is an incredibly difficult time for our family and it has been such an emotional week.

My main concern is Gary and the boys right now. I am also worried about Gary's Mom and Dad as they battle his father's cancer. It is awful that both father and son are suffering at the same time.

We start radiation on Monday at 2:30 PM and we this course will last about 2 weeks. This will hopefully help with the pain in Gary's leg. At some point in time we will have to see Barth again and Gary's pain Management Doc, Arie Gluzman. As Gary becomes weaker we will make the decision to bring Hospice in. Right now Gary looks GREAT and we will take it while we can get it!

Dr. Mazi came over tonight to talk to Gary. He is so incredibly kind and caring and it is so special that he checks in on us and helps us with whatever we need.

I hope Gary feels well enough to eat breakfast with the boys tomorrow. They are looking forward to it and I am banking on Gary being able to actually go to the restaurant.

I am going to start videotaping everything starting tomorrow. We are both really looking forward to Gary's birthday party. I will enlist the help of someone to take photos at the party of Gary with all of you. I hope so many of you show up. Gary needs to know how special he is!

I am going to bed. I am under the weather. I am sure that lack of sleep and stress have contributed to my dry throat and extreme exhaustion. Now that we are home we can hopefully get some sleep.

Please pray for us and we love you.

Blessings in Abundance,
Lisa

Thursday NIGHT & FRIDAY MORNING

It’s Thursday night at 11:30 PM and I am laying on my “comfy cot” in Room 834 at Hoag with Gary. Gary looks pretty dang comfy now that he has had an arsenal of drugs and a belly full of Filet Mignon – thanks to Todd & Rob.

In the background I can hear IV pumps beeping and people milling around the hallways. We always have the TV on because it drowns out other noises that go on throughout the night hours.

I called Gary’s parents to find out how Gary’s Dad was feeling last night. My heart broke as I received the news that Gary’s Dad is in the hospital right now battling cancer as well. I have details but they are not totally confirmed by the docs so I will wait to give them to you. I will tell you that his cancer seems to have spread into his left hip (just like his son) and there is a great chance it could be the same type of cancer – bladder. We are steadfastly praying and waiting to hear from them and Gary is totally devastated. We have not told the kids this information either.

We have been quiet together tonight. We did discuss Gary dying a few times with our favorite nurses and some of the doctors. I thought I had pretty much cried all of the tears I had today but when I am talking about Gary I find myself fighting back even more tears.

It is strange. Sometimes I can talk about this subject without shedding a tear. Very logical. I can actually remove myself from it and talk about it like it was happening to someone else. I like those times because that is when I can make sound decisions.

Most of the time I can’t talk about it for too long because we start to talk about something so overwhelmingly emotional that I just end up breaking down and down and down. I can’t cry anymore tonight because of the state of my face. My eyelids look like hot dog buns and I forgot the Preparation H to shrink those bags! My head is killing me and Vicodin (my last resort) has not worked in a few days. Oh well.

I just got side tracked because Stacey and Heather came by our room and had to give Gary his goodnight kisses! I love his nurses – 98% of them. Some of them are much more special and have been so incredibly wonderful to both of us. Synara is caring for him tonight and she is super special, too. Larry comes by every day to visit and Rose is always around. She is an angel and we love her!

Back on track.

So, I am sitting here and I am going to best articulate to all of you what was told to us this morning. I am sure I will get some of the info wrong but will focus on telling you what really matters.

In a matter of only a few weeks Gary cancer has spread significantly. It has not grown in the liver or by the right pelvis. The only tumor growth is on the left side of the pelvis. The tumor has eaten away at more of the bone and it has also grown apparently into his neo bladder. There seems to be nothing that will stop this cancer. We thought the chemo was working and it is in all of the other areas with the exception of this crucial area.

The pain in his leg is getting worse and we now know why. The neurostimulator is not working and we now know why. So, faced with this new information we are trying to make some very serious decisions with regards to the path we will now take.

It is hard to switch gears. We have been on this playing field and our goal was to Gary’s cancer in a manageable state so that he could have quality of life for however long that was going to be.

Now, we have to change fields and we are playing an entirely new game. The playbook now dictates that the new goal is trying to figure out how to help Gary die. What does that look like? How far do we go with further treatment? What treatment do we do and what treatment do we not do? There are so many options – most of them are not viable options given the extreme complications of his cancer. This is new territory for me and it took me an entire evening to get myself up to speed and educated. All the decisions we make are so personal for both of us and they are decisions no one should have to make.

I am numb to be honest with you. I feel like I am living out another persons life. This is our life. We are facing horrific things. It sucks and it is more than awful. I wanted to throw up all day.

Many of you I know want to know how Gary is doing. Gary is doing. He has cried today and laughed today and he has had times when he can talk about things and when he can’t talk about things. I try to put myself in his shoes and I just can’t do it. We are two totally different people. I would be flipping out. Freaking out about the kids. About Gary. About everything! I don’t think Gary thinks like I do. Men and women are so different. Gary is fairly calm and he told me that he felt numb as well.

So, tomorrow Gary gets another unit of blood, we have a Hospice Consult at 8 AM and then we have a radiation consult and mapping session at 10:00 AM for the tumor in his left pelvis. The reason for doing radiation is to try to attain some sort of pain control. If this fails then we consider the possibility of severing the nerve going down the leg completely and he will lose the use of his leg. After these appointments Gary will be released and come home.

If we choose the Hospice Route then we will do the bare minimum things to make Gary comfy. We will radiate, operate on his ureters to re-route the urine away from the bladder to slow down the infection rate. These things will hopefully minimize the pain so that Gary can have some quality time at home with the boys and me.

We are not going to tell the boys right now. Gary has gained back almost all of his weight and he looks great! Amazingly great! We will tell the boys in a week or so when the timing is right.

It is a perfect time to have a party for Gary! He is really looking forward to it as am I. Please stop by if you can and just say hello.

How to pray. What do we ask the Lord for? I would like everyone to pray for peace and understanding for our family. I want to pray for light and love to be present always. I will continue to pray for a healing for Gary and believe that whatever God has planned will come to fruition. Pray for protection and sanity and no anxiety. Pray for guidance in the decision making process and pray for our hearts to be quiet.

Please pray for Gary’s Mom and Dad as they wait to find out what they are up against with the cancer. I know how terrible his parents feel that they can’t see their son right now.

I know this blog entry was long but I wanted to catch all of you up to speed.
We will be coming home around 4 PM today and we are very much looking forward to that.

All our Love,
Lisa

BTW – If you have digital photos of our family and of Gary I have a favor to ask of you. Would you please somehow get those photos to me ASAP? I will take a CD or you can put them on a site like Shutterfly and I will download them. ☺

Loss For Words

Please give me some time to give you a thorough update as we have been inundated with calls and doctors and information. We love all of you and we can't wait to celebrate Gary's birthday with you as well.

Gary has been in the hospital since Tuesday. I can't believe I have to tell you this. Our eyes are swollen and heavy from crying all day as we found out that Gary's cancer is out of control and we basically have no viable options other than Hospice.
I want to explain everything to you but my mind is not clear and I want to wait until it is so that I can give you accurate information.

THE BOYS DO NOT KNOW so please do not tell your children. The boys are our 1st concern and we will tell them in our own time and I will let you know when we do so it will be safe to tell your children. We do not want them hearing this information from anyone but Gary and me.

Please pray for our family as we transition into this most difficult time. If we need anything believe me we will ask. I know everyone wants to get involved and help but we need some time to digest this and figure some things out. Like I said, we love you all and we appreciate your support an prayers and love.

All our love,
Lisa & Gary

November 3

Good Afternoon.

Remember to get out and vote tomorrow if you have not already done so. Gry and I voted via Absentee Ballot and it was a piece of cake! I think I will do that every election. The only bummer part is that you don't get the sticker. The boys love for me to wear my sticker after I vote but I did show them my ballot as I mailed it so they had proof that I voted!

Today was an okay day. We had some good news and some not-so-good news.

The good news seems to be that the liver tumor is looking better and Gary's liver values are normal. Everything is draining nicely and that's a good thing. Because things are going so well Gary will have another procedure under general anesthesia this Friday at South Coast Hospital. Dr. Arata will go into the liver and give Gary an internal stint of sorts so that we can remove the exterior billiary drain coming out of his bile ducts. We have been waiting to have this done and now is the time.
If Gary's counts hold strong then we can proceed. Gary had another round of chemo today (Velban/Methotrexate) and he is not feeling all that hot. I hope this will not affect his counts this week.

Well, we turned the pain stimulator on today and for the first 1/2 hour it worked. Then, just like before, Gary felt like the inside of his body was burning up. The burning pain was down the left leg and across the lower back. It was awful and ended up hurting him for over and hour after I turned the stimulator off. We had to give him 2 IV pushes of Dilaudid to calm the pain down.

So we made some phone calls today and are waiting to hear back from the Rep to schedule a reprogramming. If the reprogramming is unsuccessful then the next step might be to go back in once again and reposition the stimulator. Remember that Gary still has 23 staples in his hip/back and those will be removed on Thursday from the procedure 10 days ago. That was news Gary did not want to hear at all.

I am hydrating Gary right now and he is resting. He looks relaxed but when I ask him what his pain level is he tells me a 6.5. I hate that he is in constant pain. I would love for him to have a good day if just for one day. He deserves it and it saddens me that he has not had that yet.

Back to the homework grind and the lunchmaking yuck and laying clothes out and doing tons of laundry. I am excited that we all have a 4-day weekend again. The kids only have 13 days of school in the month of November! L:ove that!

I am going to get more meds for Gary and then home to fix some yummy chicken casserole. I hope Gary will eat tonight. He managed to eat a glazed old fashion donut this morning and a Big Mac this afternoon. I even found a Snickers wrapper next to his bed so I guess I can't complain! He's eating and that is a HUGE accomplishment on his part.

Have a great night.

Love,
Lisa

Mourning for our friends

Good Evening.
When Gary was in the hospital this past summer for the majority of the summer I ended up meeting 2 women while on the 8th floor. Both Dixie and Sue had sick husbands who were battling cancer. Both Dixie and Sue's husbands had been in the hospital more than they had been out over the past year. Wonderful women. Warm and friendly and strong and courageous. We bonded immediately as we all shared one thing in common - our sick husbands. We talked for hours and hours and at that time I really realized I was not alone and all the things Gary and I had been going through they had been going through as well.

Well, a few weeks ago I learned that Dixie's husband had lost his battle with his cancer. She knew this was coming as she had taken him home and began Hospice. I just saw Sue and few weeks ago and found out the Larry's Cancer (ALM - Leukemia) was suddenly in remission and she was so happy. Well, this did not last long at all and as suddenly as the cancer disappeared it reappeared and this morning Larry died at home.

I also found out this week that Jeff Spears died. He was the young teacher from San Clemente High School whose wife, Ruthe is in remission from Breast cancer and they have two 5 year-old twin girls and a 9 year -old boy.

Cancer sucks. Plain and Simple. It is a roller Coaster of emotions. It is hard for me to write sometimes because on any given day we can have a good day and then BAM an awful day. Then, people say but I thought he was feeling so good? What happened? It's cancer. It is awful. It is a psychotic uncontrollable day to day emotional horror show. It is so hard to articulate to all of you everything that we go through mostly because it can be so incredibly overwhelming.

Thanks for hanging in there with us and for going on the coaster with us. I wish we had more good days than bad days and maybe that is what our future will hold. We hope and pray.

Please pray for Dixie and Sue and Ruthe and their kids and families. It is hard enough watching your loved one suffer so greatly but then watching them die is so unfathomable to me at this point. They are all such incredibly strong women and my heart is close to theirs and aches with them.

Gary has been in incredible pain today in his left leg. I came home this afternoon to give him some Toradol and some Xanax. The Xanax ended up knocking him out from about 2 PM until 7 PM tonight. At least he was relaxed and calm and out of pain as he slept. I hate having to do that but at this point until we figure out how to work this stimulator it is much better for him to be out of pain and sleeping then to be in pain and writhing.

We have chemo tomorrow and then several other appointments that are scattered throughout the week. Thank God mo Mom is here. She is so great with the boys and with Gary and the kids LOVE hanging out with her.

I am off to bed. I will work on the web later. I am glad you all liked the new photos. I am really looking forward to next Sunday and celebrating Gary's Birthday!

Another one of our kids is grounded for the week and it isn't "Mason". Story to follow tomorrow........stay tuned...........it's fairly entertaining!

Love To All,
Lisa

GARY'S BIRTHDAY INFORMATION

Hi everyone! WOW - 3 posts today. I have truly outdone myself this time.

I am not good at creating online invites but I think I managed to do it this time.

We will be having Gary's Birthday Celebration SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 9th from 2:30 to 4:30 PM at our home.
Please cut & paste the link below for details.

http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?event=NRCGKWRIDKPPRTOHEGYW&inviteId=LPYYAGIVVKXIZCERNHMG&showPreview=false&x=97994078

I do not have all of your E-mail information and therefore could not get everyone included on the Evite nor was I talented enough to create a URL (I think that is what it is) so back off my cut & paste link! :)

All of our friends and family who have been so extremely supportive - please stop by if only for 5 minutes to say HEY to Gary and to help us bring some Birthday Cheer his way!

I will have some munchies and water on hand and of course a football game will be playing!

I have never had a party for Gary and I think he will be pretty stoked to celebrate with our friends and family!

Happy Sunday and REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR CLOCKS BACK 1 HOUR!

Love,
Lisa