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So, I got back from camp last weekend and the theme was "Be The Light". The kids had a great time and we had tons of snow! I just love all of the kids. We had such a great time together. They are all different and they are all special. I feel very blessed that I have these opportunities to spend time with them.
I have been thinking about the theme and I love it. We all need to be a light to the people around us and God is that light in each one of us. The purpose of being here on this earth is to be in community with all of the lives we touch each day either directly or indirectly. We all need help getting through this life. We all need to be light to others. My desire is to really be that light to others but right now I do not think there is much light coming from me. I feel it occasionally but not so much right now.
I am having a very difficult time.
Disclaimer - not a pity party. Just sharing thoughts.
I am 37 and a widow (such an ugly word). Being alone with 3 boys and knowing that I hopefully have a long road ahead me but going down that road and being by myself is an awful thought. Gary knew everything about me and loved me just the same. I have lost that now.
The boys and I had a hard weekend at camp. This is a huge part of my problem. The boys are emotionally draining me. I am drained. Tapped out. Trying my hardest. Somewhat losing the battle. This is all to be expected.
I am equipped to handle this but I need some guidance and some help to make sure this is normal and to make sure I am doing and saying the right things.
I am seeing a family therapist next Thursday. I need help processing through some of this. I did not think I would get to this point but here I am. I want all of us to come out of this with healthy minds and souls.
Hobie is having a hard time. When he is away from the house he seems to be fine. When he is home it is pitiful. He is so depressed and it tugs on my heart. He mopes around with his head down. Poor Hobie.
I don't do "depressed" well. I am cheery and upbeat and happy and positive and full of light. I want to be full of light but so many things are dimming my light. I need to help those things so they stop draining me.
I have a terrible headache for a week and I am sick of it. I just got home with Nate for the 2nd time this week at the doc office and he has pneumonia. His chest xray shows most of it in his left lobe but a little in the right as well. Antibiotics and rest for Nate.
Opening Day at Little League is in the morning! We are doing a pancake breakfast and the day should be fun!
Have a great day. By the way, while my "light" is dim can you all ramp it up a bit and be a brighter light? This way I won't feel bad about being dim for a while!
Love to you all,
Lisa
Love Conquers All
John 3:16
A Look inside our family......
If any of you have not had the chance to walk the grounds of the Montage in Laguna Beach you are really missing something amazing!!!
I am at the Montage with Zach and my Dad and I am standing on the beautiful rock that jets out from the middle of the cove and it is the most amazing morning! The air is so warm and the breeze is gently blowing.
I look down to see the reef and the beautiful colors of the seaweed garden that sway with the tide. In such a small place there are so many amazing things about creation that just make me stop to remember to thank God for all he has entrusted to us!
This very moment makes me feel so blessed to have so many blessings! So many family members and friends who surround us and love us and are ready to go on this new journey with us.
As I am thinking my pride gets a hold of me for a moment and I tell myself that I can do this on my own. My thought is that I don't want to have to have help and put people in this position!
Then, as quickly as that thought fills my pride-filled head another one enters. This time, I begin to realize that there is no way we can do this on our own. First and foremost, our same Father who has created this amazing place that I get to spend so much time at is the same one who has blessed us with amazing family and friends who want to care for us.
There are simply no words to express my gratitude and love to everyone who surrounds us and is a part of our life - big or small!
Please take some time and get down to the Montage. Go with your spouse, a friend, your kids! When you are there take in the beauty that surrounds you and take a deep breath and thank God for everything you have and the fact that HIS spirit lives in all of us! What a privilege it is that we are all on this journey together!
I am not ready to leave my rock because the morning is the best part of my day and this day is looking amazing and I want to stay right here feeling exactly how I do right now! Zach is coming out of the water and he really wants to head down to Strands to walk on beach! Who am I to argue? What a day the Lord has made! I am certainly going to be glad and rejoice in it!!
I am at the Montage with Zach and my Dad and I am standing on the beautiful rock that jets out from the middle of the cove and it is the most amazing morning! The air is so warm and the breeze is gently blowing.
I look down to see the reef and the beautiful colors of the seaweed garden that sway with the tide. In such a small place there are so many amazing things about creation that just make me stop to remember to thank God for all he has entrusted to us!
This very moment makes me feel so blessed to have so many blessings! So many family members and friends who surround us and love us and are ready to go on this new journey with us.
As I am thinking my pride gets a hold of me for a moment and I tell myself that I can do this on my own. My thought is that I don't want to have to have help and put people in this position!
Then, as quickly as that thought fills my pride-filled head another one enters. This time, I begin to realize that there is no way we can do this on our own. First and foremost, our same Father who has created this amazing place that I get to spend so much time at is the same one who has blessed us with amazing family and friends who want to care for us.
There are simply no words to express my gratitude and love to everyone who surrounds us and is a part of our life - big or small!
Please take some time and get down to the Montage. Go with your spouse, a friend, your kids! When you are there take in the beauty that surrounds you and take a deep breath and thank God for everything you have and the fact that HIS spirit lives in all of us! What a privilege it is that we are all on this journey together!
I am not ready to leave my rock because the morning is the best part of my day and this day is looking amazing and I want to stay right here feeling exactly how I do right now! Zach is coming out of the water and he really wants to head down to Strands to walk on beach! Who am I to argue? What a day the Lord has made! I am certainly going to be glad and rejoice in it!!
6 comments:
Prayers go out to Nate!!! We know you are going through the hardest time of your life, and as time goes on things will get harder, and then easier. Remember that you are not alone, not ever. Sometimes slowing down and remembering what really matters is all that it takes. Your boys and you (and Hobie and Hurley)...the rest is just "stuff" and all else will fall into place in its own time. Focus on your family, and be the light for them...and the rest of us will be a light for you.
We love you and are praying for you each and every day!
XOXO,
Michele
Me, bright?
It's gonna be tough!
Chin up, mate!
xo
Here are some pics from Tressa's dance tonight:
http://careygly.smugmug.com/gallery/7472229_UbcTH#482103673_fKbtx
I am so glad you are getting some help. Like you said, nobody can do this alone. I think the therapist will be very helpful and a great resource. I agree with Michele, sometimes you just have to slow down and focus on what is important. Even though slowing down can be hard, you will have time to face what is hurting you the most, it is the healthiest thing you can do. Hobie will be ok. Routine, routine, routine is what pets like the best. He may do well with some type of training class (like you have time for this huh!). He may need a "job" to lift his spirits. Couldn't hurt Hurley either. I think of you everyday. OH! and a week is way too long to not update the blog! Some of us are addicted yanno!
Love ya! TW
Well you made a hell of a pancake this morning so just take it day by day!
Kelly Migoya
I love you and the boys. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
Todd B
Hi Lisa,
It's Krista O'Connor. I'm so sorry for all you are going through... I just want you to know that we are praying and thinking of you... Also, when my sister's husband died leaving her w/ her 4 kids she had a quite a few moments when she physically felt God's presence 'like a warm blanket' over her...giving her enough to make it through each day.
I am praying that God will cover you with that same overwhelming feeling that He is there w/ you...Covering you w/ his love.
sincerely,
Krista
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