THE PAST * THE PRESENT * THE FUTURE

I grew up in Mission Viejo by the Lake. Gary grew up in Missouri and then moved to El Toro when he was 9.

I grew up next to the Marsh Family. They had 2 boys and one of them was a good friend of Gary's. When I was Zach's age I used to ride my banana seat bike in our cul-de-sac. I had the coolest bike. It had a basket and a horn on the front.

During that same time I had the greatest collection of barbies complete with the Dream House! I used to make my barbies get married and have babies (they just had them and I did not even know how to make THAT happen at that age)!

I can remember spending hours sitting in my Yellow Holly Hobby room and dreaming about my wedding and my babies and my future.

I was going to meet my knight in shining armor and have a grand wedding with the perfect dress (which I did) and live in a house with a picket fence (I like my house but it has no fence). I wanted 2 kids (thank God I got my 3) and to live in complete and utter marital bliss forever and ever (have the marital bliss but am uncertain as far as the timing goes).

I pictured myself growing old with my spouse and spoiling our grandchildren. I often had images in my head of us holding hands and walking down the beach. We would have a house near our kids and our kids would be super duper rich and support us as we traveled around the world! (BTW - they don't know our intentions yet. We'll ease them into that!).

Well, back to when I was Zach's age. In that same cul-de-sac that I mentioned above my future knight in shining armor used to drive up in his AMC Ambassador to my neighbors house as I rode around on my bike. Gary was 16 at the time and I was 9. He was a rowdy teenager at El Toro HIgh School and I was just learning my multiplication facts and looking forward to my recess at Del Lago Elementary.

My Knight was right there so many years before we even met. I saw him all the time and had no idea who he even was. How lucky I am that our paths crossed once again and my dreams came true when we were married February 16, 1996.

As I fast forward to the present I think about the latter part of my day dreams. The part where we grow old together and live off of our kids! The part where we have an empty nest and we take long walks on the beach and travel to the most amazing parts of the world.

I truly hope that my dreams that I have for Gary and for me come true. This is the way I WANT my life to go. However, does God have different plans for the two of us? Are his dreams for my life the same as my dreams and desires for my life? I do not know the answer to that question but I do know this much............

I am going to be okay no matter what. I have surrendered my life to God and I put everything in His hands. I have a peace that transcends understanding. Do I wish things were different for the two of us? Of course I do. Do I ask God to heal Gary? Every single day.

We all have things we wish were different.

Some of us wish we would have had a better childhood. We wished our parents would have payed more attention to us. Some of us wish we would not have been abused or the person that we so desperately loved wouldn't have let us down or left us. Some of us were/are victims of abuse or exposed to violence. Some were exposed to parents with drug or alcohol addiction. Some had verbally abusive parents or family members.

Maybe you feel like your life is crumbling all around you. Some of you have lost your jobs or have been trying for a long time to get a job. Some people have come dangerously close to losing their homes and are fighting with their spouses. There are so many negative scenarios and I could go on and on but I won't.

I do want to say that we all have choices to make. We can hide behind our circumstances and the pain of what we have all been through. We can make excuses for behavior related to our pain and suffering and we can allow ourselves to become depressed and saddened about how things have turned out for us.

OR

We can choose to embrace our past, present and future and find the goodness and sunshine in every set of circumstances we face. I am a true believer that you can pull a positive out of every single negative no matter how great the negative might be. The glass is either half empty or half full. We can be sad that things have not gone OUR way and we can pout and stomp our feet and let this prevent us from growing and moving forward and learning and changing OR we can rejoice in ALL of the blessings that have been bestowed upon us by God and focus on the good!

Our lives are not perfect and noone ever promised they would be. You have to gain perspective.

I am scared. I do not want to be alone and raise 3 boys by myself. I do not want to be a widow and lose my best friend. I could pull so many negatives out of what Gary and I are going through right now. Even though I think about these things I do not allow them to paralyze me or control my heart and mind. Instead I really try to focus on the great things that are right in front of my face each day. The small moments. The things that are seemingly insignificant to most of us. A smile. A laugh. A stupid joke.

No matter what has happened to you in your past, in the present, or what you think might happen in your future always remember to look for the positives in every situation and take time to smile and laugh. For some it can happen during the toughest of times and for others it might take a long time for that to manifest. Whatever the timing is it is always God's perfect timing and not our own.

Don't focus on the what coulda, shoulda or woulda been for you. Focus on what is and how you can make your life the very best it can be in everything you face!

I hope noone is confused. I have all these thoughts and I want to share them. Life is so precious and wonderful. I want everyone to have life to the fullest here on this earth until it is time for us to go home and be with our Heavenly Father.

We want you to learn from our experience. Learn through our mistakes and gleen what you can from our victories!

Love to all of our family and friends who are doing life with us! Thank you for accompanying us on this journey.

We will pray for you and ask for you to pray for us.

Love,
Lisa

BTW - Gary is hanging in there and I will give you a detailed update tomorrow. Too much information for me to write tonight.

BTW2 - This was not meant to be some Tony Robbins Rah Rah!