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Most of you are sleeping. I am up with Gary who has 102.4 fever. Tuesday Morning at 1 AM began the fever cycle once again. We just got him off of all of the antibiotics (which were causing the C Diff) and now the fevers come back. This finally confirms for me that the fevers this time are not chemo related and are not tumor fevers. It is too coincidental.
I am sure when we get to Barth's office today he will want Gary back in the hospital. I spoke with Dr. Fee yesterday and I am thinking that will be the consensus betweeen the two of them. Dr. Fee is Gary's Infectious Disease Doctor.
My Mom arrived safely to 3 very happy little boys. Zach is doing a little better although the pain gets much worse at night and he had a very hard time falling asleep.
Well, there it is. I am so sick and tired of Gary going in and out of the hospital. It is so hard to see him in such agony. He has not slept now for 2 nights and he barely sleeps during the day - maybe 2 hours.
Through all of this middle of the night hours I continue to pray to our Father and He always comforts me and gives me peace.
I need it now more than ever. I love having Gary home. It is way easier for me. When we are at the hospital we face the dreaded protocol and night nurses and this doc and that doc and uncertainty and the irritation of "you can't give him a bath now" or "take the covers off with 100.00 fever". Just simple stupid stuff that is probably not that big of a deal BUT becomes a HUGE deal when you have been doing it as long as we have. It also makes it harder because we are so self sufficient.
I have had so much frustration this past week and I really do not want it anymore. So I ask you all to pray that I can give this frustration to God and not have it anymore. I REALLY AM READY TO GIVE IT UP! It is hard to function day in and out with such heavy feelings of anger and frustration.
I will let you all know what unfolds at Barth's office today.
Love and Hugs,
Lisa
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4 comments:
I am up because I get my girls up at 5:30am in Green Bay. Its getting colder and the forcast actually says snow possible Sunday! Can't believe it. But I write you because sometimes it feels good to hear about something small outside your stress-packed world. I hope it brings comfort to know we think of you everyday. I get your updates when they post on my home page, so I am always looking for a Lisa update.
My prayer today is for God to swallow up the anger from you and you are able to have the peace you long for.
Tricia
I'm praying for you Lisa....lots of peace, and patience and love for you and lots of healing, and sleep and pain free moments for Gary so he can enjoy his family (and Hobie too!) at home!! We love you guys and will continue our prayers for your family. Hugs to Lee - xoxo
You need that comfort, peace, hope, security and encouragement only God can provide, Lisa. I hear you. I am praying that He will take all of the anger and frustration that you are feeling - that may be stuffed back and out of the way - and help you channel it into something glorifying to Him and physically and spiritually uplifting for Gary!
Scott
Dear Lisa, I have been following your blog. I have two boys of my own, close to, if not the same age as two of your boys. I cannot imagine what you are going through and I am sure you've heard that a hundred times. You are facing a tremendous struggle( for the lack of better words). You are fighting for Gary's life as well as your own. It is OK to be angry and frustrated. Go with it. Feel those feelings, acknowledge them and then pull that energy into your family. You have a storm raging in your heart with emotions that seem like they can weigh you down. A am praying that you can channel that "spirit" to lift you towards The Father and find comfort and peace.
A Friend
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