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My server has been down for the past 30 hours and I have been unable to communicate via the blog. I just posted a late night posting from Wednesday and this is the follow up.
I am going to pour my heart our right now because at this particular moment I am so overcome with saddness and I have no one to talk to because Gary is not here. Gary is truly my best friend and we share everything. I will share my sadness and frustration and anger and hope and love and faith and prayers with you as I am not able to share these thoughts and feeling with Gary quite yet.
I am laying in our bed for the 2nd night in a row and I am crying because the thought of Gary in an uncomfortable hospital bed in agonizing pain while I sit here under my electric blanket in our warm home is almost unbearable tonight. I feel insanely guilty right now. I thought about not writing because I try to always be in the right frame of mind before I post but I feel like sharing my thoughts and the news I got tonight at 10 PM.
Dr. Barth tells me that it is my job to be positive and to help Gary be positive.
I will ask any of you who visit him or call him or go to pray with him not to dwell on the following information as he has been extremely groggy and probably does not know most of what I am telling you yet. Our job is to keep Gary as positive as possible and some of this information might not be super helpful for him to know right now.
Dr. Barth called tonight. I am sick to my stomach. He told me that after looking extensively at Gary's records and test results that he could not believe that our doctors had overlooked this cancer Gary now has. He told me that just by looking at Gary's tests he has been having done since October he can tell that his cancer has been present since at least October. How in the hell can all of these doctors miss this????? You would think that Gary and I were a bunch of yahoos that dwelled in a cave and came out into the light to repeatedly abuse ourselves by choosing doctors who will not give us the best care. OMG. This cancer has been growing and growing and spreading and spreading right under their noses ALL THIS TIME! I keep telling myself that this can't be happening to our family.
Gary's metastasis is much worse than Dr. Barth thought last week. Just the tone in his voice made me uneasy as he spoke. He can't even count the number of tumors Gary has because there are so many. He has extensive bone damage to his pelvis and they fear fractures because he is so inactive and his pain is so great that the longer he sits around the worse it will get. Tomorrow they will start radiation to try to control his pain. They have given him drugs to help strengthen his bones. They have started him on Heparin to stop clots from forming in his legs (he does not have any yet). They have not been successful in controlling his pain and will continue to work on that as well. They also have him scheduled to PT to get him stronger.
Dr. Barth is calling the shots. I can't second guess him at this time because Gary and I both truly believe that he is the best and will do everything in his medical power to help Gary. Besides, we do not have the luxury of time to be going around collecting different opinions. I have researched Dr. Barth and we had 16 people recommend him to us.
Gary could be in the hospital for about 2 weeks as of now. He is going to absolutely FLIP when I break this news to him tomorrow. I think we will tell him that we are unsure (cause we are) as to how long he will be at Hoag but I anticipate at least a week. The kids are going to be scared and I am beyond sad right now and am trying to get to the place where I can be at the hospital day after day and be super positive and supportive. I will get to that place as soon as I am done writing. I will stop crying and I will reconnect with my logical self. You don't need to worry about me. I want everyone to focus on Gary. SEND POSITIVE THOUGHTS................keep them coming.
Writing is great therapy. You can think outloud and write everything down and work through your thoughts and feelings as you reread what you have written. I save money wherever I go. Look, I don't need a therapist now at $150.00 per hour. I can make you all listen to me via these long boring blogs for FREE!
So I NEED YOUR HELP AND SO DOES GARY.
I would love for Gary to be inundated with cards over the next 2 weeks. When he was at UCI for 9 days his hospital room was covered in photos and posters and happiness that our friends and kids had made for him. This time I would love to have baskets of cards for him with loads of encouragement. If you could possibly help by sending a card to him I would greatly appreciate it. I just looked up the Hoag website to see if you could send the cards there but it looks as if you will need to send them to another address.
You can send the cards to my church office address.
Mountain View Church
C/OLisa Sallee
PO BOX 2058
Mission Viejo, Ca. 92690
So, I have stopped crying. I am going to get a good night's sleep and pray that God will hold my saddness at bay so that I can do what Gary needs me to do for him.
Friends and Family I want you to know that this blog was not intended to be discouraging in any way. I am raw right now and I know you are all waiting and reading and trying to get as much information as you possibly can. Gary and I want to be able to get you accurate information as soon as we receive it.
We did get one piece of somewhat positive news today. The cancer has not spread to any organs as of now. This means that hopefully the chemo can put a complete hault to the spread and we can try to reverse the effects of the cancer.
Once again, ultimately we are in HIS hands and HE already knows the plan. We need to keep praying that if it is in HIS plan that HE please heal Gary and deliver him from this cancer. Either way, no matter how grim things might get, GOD can do anything at any time. He does not really need the doctors or medicine or anything for that matter to give us a miracle.
We can only do what we can do - be there for eachother, support Gary, love Gary, pray for Gary, and place our lives in His hands. He knows the desires of all of our hearts. I know He is just as sad as I am right now and maybe even more because He created Gary and Gary is HIS child.
Thank you God that we have a strong faith through all of this. I have no idea how people could weather the storms life without it! What is the quote - sometimes God quiets the storm and other times he quiets the child and allows the storm to rage on. Is that comforting? I am still trying to dissect that and figure it out. I like the storm getting quieter option myself.
I will go to sleep now. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts without passing judgement on me. I really feel so blessed that you all have been so uplifting and supportive all of the time. You are all a perfect picture of God's creation at its finest. You have all banded together and surrounded our family and in our weakest moments we find that humanity has its kindest and most gentle moments.
We love you and hope you will continue to pray for us during this fight!!! Do not lose faith that God can do anything whenever he wants to!
Love and Happiness,
Lisa
Thursday, January 31, 2008
WEDNESDAY AFTER MIDNIGHT/THURSDAY EARLY AM
Thursday early morning.
It is 2:20 AM and it is official that I have insomnia tonight. I absolutely can not sleep. I have never been one to be alone and always hated it when Gary traveled. I kept my promise to Gary and was in bed by 11 PM but I am struggling to not toss and turn and actually get a decent amount of rest.
I missed the boys today and it was good to get home to them even though I did not want to leave Gary. It is such a balancing act – Gary’s care, the kids, my job, the house, the after school activities, feeding everyone, doing laundry and on and on and on. Thankfully everything I do when not watching over Gary keeps me on target and emotionally stable. I thank God for my job and all of the daily things that I do.
We got Gary situated at Hoag. He has been in so much pain and the doctors are trying to get control over it. I hope he can sleep most of the night. He needs a break from the pain. He has endured so much. Day after day. Night after night. Ridiculous amounts of pain in which he has had an incredible tolerance to. It is gut wrenching watching someone you love so much go through so much.
Gary’s parents should be here this afternoon. They are flying into SNA and will rent a car and go straight to the hospital. It will be good for them to spend some time with Gary.
The doctors have ordered some tests today. Gary needs to have an abdominal xray panel and a CT w/ contrast on his lungs, abdomen and pelvis. They will compare the scans from a few weeks ago to see if there are any changes in his tumors. It will probably be a really long day today.
Well, I guess I should try and sleep a little. I can feel my eyes burning and I am just getting over having a terrible sore throat and sinus congestion. I can’t afford to have a relapse.
I promise to keep you all updated tomorrow as we find things out. If I have not posted then I don’t know anything yet. I know a few of you read these long-winded posts and wait to hear from us.
Please pray for everyone who is helping us and caring for us. I am sure all of these people need some strength and peace and patience as much as we do.
Pray for the kids. They are struggling with Gary being in the hospital. They will get to see him right after school today. Pray that somehow they understand just a little that Gary is sick and we are trying to help him. It is seemingly simple to us to think this way but for kids it is so hard to understand why their Dad has cancer and has to go through all of this.
My prayer for all of you is that through this nasty, destructive and sickening battle we fight against this cancer that you come to know how much God loves you and is always with you. I tell you this because despite everything that is happening we have always given our lives to God and know there is a plan for everything. Gary is so precious and my prayer is that we win this battle and Gary is restored!
Have a wonderful day!
Lisa
It is 2:20 AM and it is official that I have insomnia tonight. I absolutely can not sleep. I have never been one to be alone and always hated it when Gary traveled. I kept my promise to Gary and was in bed by 11 PM but I am struggling to not toss and turn and actually get a decent amount of rest.
I missed the boys today and it was good to get home to them even though I did not want to leave Gary. It is such a balancing act – Gary’s care, the kids, my job, the house, the after school activities, feeding everyone, doing laundry and on and on and on. Thankfully everything I do when not watching over Gary keeps me on target and emotionally stable. I thank God for my job and all of the daily things that I do.
We got Gary situated at Hoag. He has been in so much pain and the doctors are trying to get control over it. I hope he can sleep most of the night. He needs a break from the pain. He has endured so much. Day after day. Night after night. Ridiculous amounts of pain in which he has had an incredible tolerance to. It is gut wrenching watching someone you love so much go through so much.
Gary’s parents should be here this afternoon. They are flying into SNA and will rent a car and go straight to the hospital. It will be good for them to spend some time with Gary.
The doctors have ordered some tests today. Gary needs to have an abdominal xray panel and a CT w/ contrast on his lungs, abdomen and pelvis. They will compare the scans from a few weeks ago to see if there are any changes in his tumors. It will probably be a really long day today.
Well, I guess I should try and sleep a little. I can feel my eyes burning and I am just getting over having a terrible sore throat and sinus congestion. I can’t afford to have a relapse.
I promise to keep you all updated tomorrow as we find things out. If I have not posted then I don’t know anything yet. I know a few of you read these long-winded posts and wait to hear from us.
Please pray for everyone who is helping us and caring for us. I am sure all of these people need some strength and peace and patience as much as we do.
Pray for the kids. They are struggling with Gary being in the hospital. They will get to see him right after school today. Pray that somehow they understand just a little that Gary is sick and we are trying to help him. It is seemingly simple to us to think this way but for kids it is so hard to understand why their Dad has cancer and has to go through all of this.
My prayer for all of you is that through this nasty, destructive and sickening battle we fight against this cancer that you come to know how much God loves you and is always with you. I tell you this because despite everything that is happening we have always given our lives to God and know there is a plan for everything. Gary is so precious and my prayer is that we win this battle and Gary is restored!
Have a wonderful day!
Lisa
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Hoag Hospital
Just a quickie. We had an appointment today at 10 and the doctors determined that Gary needed to be hospitalized so that they can figure out what is causing his pain and how they can better manage it. His pain has been getting worse over the last couple of days and he is on the max amount of pain meds they can give him.
So, we are checking into Hoag as soon as we leave and he will most likely be there until Saturday morning if all goes as planned.
The boys are with the Muck's today and I will come home tonight to be with them and to get them off to school in the morning.
Please pray that they can find out what is causing the pain and how to get a handle on it so that he does not hurt as bad.
Love and Hugs,
L
So, we are checking into Hoag as soon as we leave and he will most likely be there until Saturday morning if all goes as planned.
The boys are with the Muck's today and I will come home tonight to be with them and to get them off to school in the morning.
Please pray that they can find out what is causing the pain and how to get a handle on it so that he does not hurt as bad.
Love and Hugs,
L
Monday, January 28, 2008
A quick note to my girlfriends & an update
Hi. This first part of the blog is specifically for all of my girlfriends. I will make it short and sweet.
I am so sorry. 99% of you have not even had a phone call from me in the past few weeks to a month.
I am not ignoring you and I do need you. I will need you. Please hang in there with me.
Most of you know me well enough to know that I am not a quiet person and I love to be social.
Given everything that is happening right now it has taken all of my energy and most of my time just getting through each day.
Please don't leave me or give up on me. I am sorry that I have not been reciprocal in our friendships.
I promise I will get better!
I will give you all a Gary update now.
He just ate dinner and has been in bed most of the day. He thinks he feels a little better (praises) and he has backed off just a little bit on his pain meds. He and I are a pathetic pair right now.
I went to the doctor tonight after being in bed most of the afternoon. Yesterday I felt cruddy and then felt a little worse this morning. I made it into the office for about 3 hours today and then came home and laid down until my doctor appointment.
I have been a little fearful that I would get Gary sick. I have a viral infection and just really have to make sure to wash my hands constantly and wear a mask when visiting with Gary for any length of time if I am coughing.
It amazes me that Gary still has not complained about anything! He is so strong and awesome! We love our Gary!!
Off to put the kids to bed. 7:30 sharp is such a good bedtime for the boys and for Gary and me!
Love to all!
Lisa
I am so sorry. 99% of you have not even had a phone call from me in the past few weeks to a month.
I am not ignoring you and I do need you. I will need you. Please hang in there with me.
Most of you know me well enough to know that I am not a quiet person and I love to be social.
Given everything that is happening right now it has taken all of my energy and most of my time just getting through each day.
Please don't leave me or give up on me. I am sorry that I have not been reciprocal in our friendships.
I promise I will get better!
I will give you all a Gary update now.
He just ate dinner and has been in bed most of the day. He thinks he feels a little better (praises) and he has backed off just a little bit on his pain meds. He and I are a pathetic pair right now.
I went to the doctor tonight after being in bed most of the afternoon. Yesterday I felt cruddy and then felt a little worse this morning. I made it into the office for about 3 hours today and then came home and laid down until my doctor appointment.
I have been a little fearful that I would get Gary sick. I have a viral infection and just really have to make sure to wash my hands constantly and wear a mask when visiting with Gary for any length of time if I am coughing.
It amazes me that Gary still has not complained about anything! He is so strong and awesome! We love our Gary!!
Off to put the kids to bed. 7:30 sharp is such a good bedtime for the boys and for Gary and me!
Love to all!
Lisa
Sunday
It is now Monday morning and I am just winding down after a long day.
I made it to church this morning to help set up before I took off. Thank you to everyone who came early to set up and help out. The boys and I had so much fun at the Cirque! The show was fantastic and Claudia and John even hung out with Gary while we were gone! Dave and Matt and Rob came over for a visit and I think Gary was coherent for at least part of their visit. Jen came over to clean my blinds. She is really good at it. Hey Jen - I have more upstairs and they have your name and duster written all over them!!!!!
Gary had another not so good day today. He has had a terrible headache and his neck has been a bit stiff. He is really not eating but the good news is he is drinking more. His parents are coming for a visit this week. They have not been here since his surgery in August and we are looking forward to spending time with them. The kids always love it when their grandparents visit!
I am fairly sick and will get to the doctor tomorrow for fear that I might have strep or something. Jax has a deep chest cough but he seems to only have a cold. I pray Gary does not get sick.
We are asking that everyone who comes into the house use hand sanitizer and if you have even a little cold to please not visit until you are better. He is incredibly susceptible right now because his white cell count is down from the chemo treatment.
GARY INPUT GARY INPUT - he speaks!
Gary's blog thoughts - straight from his mouth: Thank you so much for everybody and for all the support and especially for your prayers. BTW - Chemo needs to come in a grape flavor! (?????? he says it is a joke)
He is obviously awake and I hope he gets some solid sleep tonight.
Here is what we need:
We need prayer that this chemo helps Gary. The chemo needs to stop the progression of the disease and hold it at bay.
The chemo treatments need to begin to shrink Gary's tumors so that Dr. Barth can gain some control over the cancer.
Please pray that Gary would begin to feel better this week and get stronger - not Arnold stronger - but at least be able to get out of the house to run errands or sit downstairs on the couch with the boys to watch tv.
WE LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN FOR ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU ALL CONTINUALLY DO FOR OUR FAMILY! WE ARE SO BLESSED - TRULY AND AMAZINGLY!!!!
Love, L&G
I made it to church this morning to help set up before I took off. Thank you to everyone who came early to set up and help out. The boys and I had so much fun at the Cirque! The show was fantastic and Claudia and John even hung out with Gary while we were gone! Dave and Matt and Rob came over for a visit and I think Gary was coherent for at least part of their visit. Jen came over to clean my blinds. She is really good at it. Hey Jen - I have more upstairs and they have your name and duster written all over them!!!!!
Gary had another not so good day today. He has had a terrible headache and his neck has been a bit stiff. He is really not eating but the good news is he is drinking more. His parents are coming for a visit this week. They have not been here since his surgery in August and we are looking forward to spending time with them. The kids always love it when their grandparents visit!
I am fairly sick and will get to the doctor tomorrow for fear that I might have strep or something. Jax has a deep chest cough but he seems to only have a cold. I pray Gary does not get sick.
We are asking that everyone who comes into the house use hand sanitizer and if you have even a little cold to please not visit until you are better. He is incredibly susceptible right now because his white cell count is down from the chemo treatment.
GARY INPUT GARY INPUT - he speaks!
Gary's blog thoughts - straight from his mouth: Thank you so much for everybody and for all the support and especially for your prayers. BTW - Chemo needs to come in a grape flavor! (?????? he says it is a joke)
He is obviously awake and I hope he gets some solid sleep tonight.
Here is what we need:
We need prayer that this chemo helps Gary. The chemo needs to stop the progression of the disease and hold it at bay.
The chemo treatments need to begin to shrink Gary's tumors so that Dr. Barth can gain some control over the cancer.
Please pray that Gary would begin to feel better this week and get stronger - not Arnold stronger - but at least be able to get out of the house to run errands or sit downstairs on the couch with the boys to watch tv.
WE LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN FOR ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU ALL CONTINUALLY DO FOR OUR FAMILY! WE ARE SO BLESSED - TRULY AND AMAZINGLY!!!!
Love, L&G
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Weekend Update
Good Afternoon.
Well, our patient is hanging in there. He handled the chemo very well and then we got home and within an hour he began to feel nauseated. He has medicine for this and took it right away and it subsided for the most part. His biggest thorn besides the pain now is his intolerance to cold. He can't drink anything cold and it hurts to put his hand into the fridge.
The problem is he must drink 80 oz. of fluid each day. That is a lot of fluid. Even room temp. drinks hurt. I am praying I will not have to take him into the hospital tomorrow to hydrate him.
He is absolutely exhausted and is dizzy and cold with the occasional chill. He is laying in bed now but was just downstairs eating a ham sandwich at the table with Matt.
Matt just took the boys to the batting cages and all 3 of them spent the night at Stacy's last night. They always have so much fun at her house.
Claudia called me today and wanted to know if I wanted to take the boys to Cirque de Soleil tomorrow in Del Mar! What a great opportunity and special thing for us to be able to go to! The boys are going to LOVE it! Thank you Claudia and John! XO
The Wakelings are coming over tonight to bring us a trundle bed for our spare bedroom upstairs. We have turned the bedroom into sort of a guest room for the time being to accomodate both sets of our parents. It is still housing all of the "playroom" toys but now it is more comfortable for adults! Thank you Wakelings!!!
Gary has not complained once and he is such a trooper. I wish I could help him but the only thing I can do is keep him as comfortable as possible and try to make sure he is taking the right meds as the right time and give him loads of love.
His next appointment is Wednesday AM and then his next treatment is Feb.7th - the day before Zach's 9th birthday. He will have a semi-permanent cath placed in his chest at that time. The benefit of having that in his chest is that the nurses won't have to poke him all the time and try to find veins. The chemo is apparently very destructive on your veins and this will eliminate extra pain from that. Besides, he will be having his blood drawn all of the time for a while.
Sounds fun, huh? Wow. Sometimes I just can't believe we are going through this. His body is full of chemicals that are making him sick and hopefully the good that comes out of this is that these drugs are KICKING OUT THE CANCER!
Please, please, please continue to pray for all of us. The boys are handling this as well as to be expected and I am doing better. Gary is also more positive and we just need to be continually lifted up and prayed for. Believe me when I tell you it makes a HUGE difference!
I will update tomorrow.
Love, L
Well, our patient is hanging in there. He handled the chemo very well and then we got home and within an hour he began to feel nauseated. He has medicine for this and took it right away and it subsided for the most part. His biggest thorn besides the pain now is his intolerance to cold. He can't drink anything cold and it hurts to put his hand into the fridge.
The problem is he must drink 80 oz. of fluid each day. That is a lot of fluid. Even room temp. drinks hurt. I am praying I will not have to take him into the hospital tomorrow to hydrate him.
He is absolutely exhausted and is dizzy and cold with the occasional chill. He is laying in bed now but was just downstairs eating a ham sandwich at the table with Matt.
Matt just took the boys to the batting cages and all 3 of them spent the night at Stacy's last night. They always have so much fun at her house.
Claudia called me today and wanted to know if I wanted to take the boys to Cirque de Soleil tomorrow in Del Mar! What a great opportunity and special thing for us to be able to go to! The boys are going to LOVE it! Thank you Claudia and John! XO
The Wakelings are coming over tonight to bring us a trundle bed for our spare bedroom upstairs. We have turned the bedroom into sort of a guest room for the time being to accomodate both sets of our parents. It is still housing all of the "playroom" toys but now it is more comfortable for adults! Thank you Wakelings!!!
Gary has not complained once and he is such a trooper. I wish I could help him but the only thing I can do is keep him as comfortable as possible and try to make sure he is taking the right meds as the right time and give him loads of love.
His next appointment is Wednesday AM and then his next treatment is Feb.7th - the day before Zach's 9th birthday. He will have a semi-permanent cath placed in his chest at that time. The benefit of having that in his chest is that the nurses won't have to poke him all the time and try to find veins. The chemo is apparently very destructive on your veins and this will eliminate extra pain from that. Besides, he will be having his blood drawn all of the time for a while.
Sounds fun, huh? Wow. Sometimes I just can't believe we are going through this. His body is full of chemicals that are making him sick and hopefully the good that comes out of this is that these drugs are KICKING OUT THE CANCER!
Please, please, please continue to pray for all of us. The boys are handling this as well as to be expected and I am doing better. Gary is also more positive and we just need to be continually lifted up and prayed for. Believe me when I tell you it makes a HUGE difference!
I will update tomorrow.
Love, L
Thursday, January 24, 2008
We once were lost but now are found!
Just another day at the Sallee House!
Once again, I am tired but both Gary and I feel much more at peace.
So, let me try to explain what is happening here with Gary.
We saw Dr. Barth tonight. We love him and Gary will start chemo tomorrow morning at 9:30 AM. He will not lose his hair or be a slave to the porcelain god! What he will be is extremely fatigued.
He will get 1X treatment of chemo every 2 weeks. The drip lasts 4 hours and then he is free to go home. The effects of the chemo happen about 48 hours after the treatment is administered.
Dr. Barth is doing the coolest thing with the tumor they took our in August.
He will take the tumor and begin to do genetic and molecular testing on it to see exactly what cells we are dealing with. He will be able to find out before round 2 of the chemo (around Feb.8) what his particular cells will respond to best and then begin to give Gary those chemo drugs.
In the meantime he is starting Gary on the 1st round for a few reasons.
He wants to prevent the cancer from getting into his bloodstream.
He wants to slow the cancer down immediately.
Gary's cancer is obviously very aggressive and has grown and spread very quickly in a short period of time. He has tumors in several places. He has tumors on his left and right side of his pelvis that are in the lymph nodes and muscles. He has an abdominal tumor and he possibly has a very tiny spot in his right lung that could be part of the metastasis as well.
I know this sounds awful but Dr. Barth actually gave us a ray of hope that we might be able to get this cancer into partial remission and we all know with God we could actually have a full remission if that is in his plan for Gary.
Dr. Barth has taken all of Gary's paperwork and slides and Cd's home for the weekend to get a better scope of what we are fighting. He is so nice and personable and so incredibly intelligent and he really cares about Gary and that is what really matters. He is a brilliant doctor who is calm and confident and we know we are in great hands! No need for City of Hope right now. No need for any other opinions. We are very confident and we know that John and Claudia and Ren felt the same way.
So, pray for us as we experience and learn all there is to know about Gary's chemo treatment. I will try and take Sunday off of work so that I can be home with Gary. The affects of the chemo should appear right around Sunday morning. Pray that he does not become too fatigued.
Regardless of what happens please know that we know God is there and he knows our hearts and our desires and he listens to our prayers and he lifts us up out of our saddness and replaces it with peace and light. He does that for both of us and regardless of what happens we are not angry or wonder why but instead pray for all of the good that can come from the ugly.
We pray that through this fight you have all joined us in fighting that you see the good and find peace in your owns lives and discover truly how close God is to everyone of us at all times!
Enjoy the gentle rain and we will let you know how chemo goes tomorrow!
Love,
L and sleepy G
Once again, I am tired but both Gary and I feel much more at peace.
So, let me try to explain what is happening here with Gary.
We saw Dr. Barth tonight. We love him and Gary will start chemo tomorrow morning at 9:30 AM. He will not lose his hair or be a slave to the porcelain god! What he will be is extremely fatigued.
He will get 1X treatment of chemo every 2 weeks. The drip lasts 4 hours and then he is free to go home. The effects of the chemo happen about 48 hours after the treatment is administered.
Dr. Barth is doing the coolest thing with the tumor they took our in August.
He will take the tumor and begin to do genetic and molecular testing on it to see exactly what cells we are dealing with. He will be able to find out before round 2 of the chemo (around Feb.8) what his particular cells will respond to best and then begin to give Gary those chemo drugs.
In the meantime he is starting Gary on the 1st round for a few reasons.
He wants to prevent the cancer from getting into his bloodstream.
He wants to slow the cancer down immediately.
Gary's cancer is obviously very aggressive and has grown and spread very quickly in a short period of time. He has tumors in several places. He has tumors on his left and right side of his pelvis that are in the lymph nodes and muscles. He has an abdominal tumor and he possibly has a very tiny spot in his right lung that could be part of the metastasis as well.
I know this sounds awful but Dr. Barth actually gave us a ray of hope that we might be able to get this cancer into partial remission and we all know with God we could actually have a full remission if that is in his plan for Gary.
Dr. Barth has taken all of Gary's paperwork and slides and Cd's home for the weekend to get a better scope of what we are fighting. He is so nice and personable and so incredibly intelligent and he really cares about Gary and that is what really matters. He is a brilliant doctor who is calm and confident and we know we are in great hands! No need for City of Hope right now. No need for any other opinions. We are very confident and we know that John and Claudia and Ren felt the same way.
So, pray for us as we experience and learn all there is to know about Gary's chemo treatment. I will try and take Sunday off of work so that I can be home with Gary. The affects of the chemo should appear right around Sunday morning. Pray that he does not become too fatigued.
Regardless of what happens please know that we know God is there and he knows our hearts and our desires and he listens to our prayers and he lifts us up out of our saddness and replaces it with peace and light. He does that for both of us and regardless of what happens we are not angry or wonder why but instead pray for all of the good that can come from the ugly.
We pray that through this fight you have all joined us in fighting that you see the good and find peace in your owns lives and discover truly how close God is to everyone of us at all times!
Enjoy the gentle rain and we will let you know how chemo goes tomorrow!
Love,
L and sleepy G
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Quiet Time
It is with a sad heart that I write to you tonight. Gary and I are numb and we have made a pact to not sit around thinking about the unfortunate news we got today. We have an appointment tomorrow night at Hoag and will wait to figure everything out until we have made it through that appointment.
Gary has cancer. He has metatastic bone disease as far as we know. We have not had his CT's read yet and we will find out if the cancer is anywhere else besides his pelvic region. The cancer has made its way into his bloodstream and it is bladder cancer. This automatically gives him a Stage 4 diagnosis.
The last few days have been draining and I think I have been at UCI 3X and I have to go up there again tomorrow to get his CT reports (written) as well as the cytology slides for the oncologist.
He had an appointment with Dr. Mazi tonight and he thought Gary should be hospitalized because his blood pressure is so low 75/50 and he is concerned about his adrenal gland. He will have some tests run tomorrow at Saddleback to see if his adrenal gland is compromised.
God is all around us. His goodness is evident everywhere - even in this incredibly trying time as we all fight this nasty, awful, disgusting, wretched and hateful cancer.
Please pray that this is a battle we can fight.
Please pray that this is a battle we might be able to win even if it is against the odds.
Pray for Gary's pain and discomfort to diminish.
Please pray that we can get treatment started for him right away.
We need prayer and peace and love and support and positive
thoughts and everything good!
We are both very tired and ready to hit the hay. I have to set my alarm to periodically wake Gary to make sure he is coherent. I am pretty concerned about his low blood pressure.
Gary looks really good. When he fought the first battle he really looked sick from all the cancer. This time he does not look sick at all. His coloring is great and he just looks normal and healthy. Amazing how that works!
We love you all and we need everyone to be strong for our family!
We will let you know tomorrow night what we are looking at! Be prepared for a long blog!
In HIS grip,
L&G
Gary has cancer. He has metatastic bone disease as far as we know. We have not had his CT's read yet and we will find out if the cancer is anywhere else besides his pelvic region. The cancer has made its way into his bloodstream and it is bladder cancer. This automatically gives him a Stage 4 diagnosis.
The last few days have been draining and I think I have been at UCI 3X and I have to go up there again tomorrow to get his CT reports (written) as well as the cytology slides for the oncologist.
He had an appointment with Dr. Mazi tonight and he thought Gary should be hospitalized because his blood pressure is so low 75/50 and he is concerned about his adrenal gland. He will have some tests run tomorrow at Saddleback to see if his adrenal gland is compromised.
God is all around us. His goodness is evident everywhere - even in this incredibly trying time as we all fight this nasty, awful, disgusting, wretched and hateful cancer.
Please pray that this is a battle we can fight.
Please pray that this is a battle we might be able to win even if it is against the odds.
Pray for Gary's pain and discomfort to diminish.
Please pray that we can get treatment started for him right away.
We need prayer and peace and love and support and positive
thoughts and everything good!
We are both very tired and ready to hit the hay. I have to set my alarm to periodically wake Gary to make sure he is coherent. I am pretty concerned about his low blood pressure.
Gary looks really good. When he fought the first battle he really looked sick from all the cancer. This time he does not look sick at all. His coloring is great and he just looks normal and healthy. Amazing how that works!
We love you all and we need everyone to be strong for our family!
We will let you know tomorrow night what we are looking at! Be prepared for a long blog!
In HIS grip,
L&G
WEDNESDAY 23rd
Good morning.
Jen and I went to see 27 Dresses last night and it was a pretty cute movie. Predictable as all romantic comedies are but cute nonetheless.
Yesterday was long. We were at UCI from 12:00 to almost 5:00 I think. Gary had to get a CT w/ contrast of his body.
This will more than likely be my last post until we find out the results of the bone biopsy. That should happen today.
I am very nervous, scared, tired, anxious and praying it is not cancer. But, if it is, then we deal with it. We have no other choice in the matter.
I have been fasting since Sunday night and praying for our situation. I have really good moments throughout my day and then horrible moments as well. It is different this time. Before, the cancer we thought was contained in the diverticulum and they got it out and we thought we were good to go. This time we are waiting to see if it is in his blood and bone. That is a whole other beast.
Gary seems to be hanging in there. We all know how much he talks. He has been reading a lot and I am sure he is internalizing many feelings and thoughts because he does not want to make me feel the way he probably does some of the time.
Please pray for him. He is the one who is dealing with the thoughts of having cancer and can he be cured or will he die or how much more does he have to endure and so many other things.
Please pray for peace and love and light and strength for him. We love him so incredibly much and to watch him go through this is awful.
I am over and out. Look for the next post at some point in time later tonight.
Hanging on to His hand,
L&G
Jen and I went to see 27 Dresses last night and it was a pretty cute movie. Predictable as all romantic comedies are but cute nonetheless.
Yesterday was long. We were at UCI from 12:00 to almost 5:00 I think. Gary had to get a CT w/ contrast of his body.
This will more than likely be my last post until we find out the results of the bone biopsy. That should happen today.
I am very nervous, scared, tired, anxious and praying it is not cancer. But, if it is, then we deal with it. We have no other choice in the matter.
I have been fasting since Sunday night and praying for our situation. I have really good moments throughout my day and then horrible moments as well. It is different this time. Before, the cancer we thought was contained in the diverticulum and they got it out and we thought we were good to go. This time we are waiting to see if it is in his blood and bone. That is a whole other beast.
Gary seems to be hanging in there. We all know how much he talks. He has been reading a lot and I am sure he is internalizing many feelings and thoughts because he does not want to make me feel the way he probably does some of the time.
Please pray for him. He is the one who is dealing with the thoughts of having cancer and can he be cured or will he die or how much more does he have to endure and so many other things.
Please pray for peace and love and light and strength for him. We love him so incredibly much and to watch him go through this is awful.
I am over and out. Look for the next post at some point in time later tonight.
Hanging on to His hand,
L&G
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Sunday
Good evening friends and family!
It has been a long day filled with church, Laser Tag, Home Group and lots of kids every step of the way.
The boys have a some friends at school - Nick and Jake (brothers) and it was Nick's birthday today. He invited all three boys to spend the day with his family at Dave & Busters! Our boys has never been there and they are still talking about it right now! They had so much fun and they always have a great time when they are with the Wheeler's! Thank you Wheeler Family for treating our boys to so much fun!
Matt and I took 18 kids to the Kalidescope after church to play Laser Tag and have pizza. We had a great time with the kids and Jake G. ended up being the big winner of the day. I missed having Jen there to hang with but I managed.
Ken, Steve and Rob came over to watch the Charger game with Gary. Gary had a great time and always enjoys watching football! Thanks guys for hanging!
Our home group came over tonight and the girls each had a martini and the guys did their thing in the family room - eat nachos, drink beer and scream at the TV! True male bonding!!
The kids played football outside until it got dark and then went straight to the Wii! Imagine that!
Gary ended up not being able to hang with our home group tonight. He is experiencing a lot of pain tonight and is currently still camped out on our bedroom floor. At least he made it through the 1st game of the day downstairs - which is longer than I thought he would make it!
Tomorrow since the boys are off school we are going to have some family time. I promised Gary I would get everything I needed to get done in the morning so that we could lay around as a family and just watch movies and enjoy one another. Knowing that there is a possibility that our lives might change once we get these test results I think some quality family time will be awesome!
Please be praying for us this week. Whatever happens please pray for peace and strength. Please pray that our minds stay clear and are not clouded with fear or uncertainty. We both know God is with us but we need prayer and protection so that we can stay focused.
As soon as Dr. Mazi comes over with blood test results you will all be the first to know what we find out from him.
Thank you for checking in with us and for all of your prayers!
Love, L
It has been a long day filled with church, Laser Tag, Home Group and lots of kids every step of the way.
The boys have a some friends at school - Nick and Jake (brothers) and it was Nick's birthday today. He invited all three boys to spend the day with his family at Dave & Busters! Our boys has never been there and they are still talking about it right now! They had so much fun and they always have a great time when they are with the Wheeler's! Thank you Wheeler Family for treating our boys to so much fun!
Matt and I took 18 kids to the Kalidescope after church to play Laser Tag and have pizza. We had a great time with the kids and Jake G. ended up being the big winner of the day. I missed having Jen there to hang with but I managed.
Ken, Steve and Rob came over to watch the Charger game with Gary. Gary had a great time and always enjoys watching football! Thanks guys for hanging!
Our home group came over tonight and the girls each had a martini and the guys did their thing in the family room - eat nachos, drink beer and scream at the TV! True male bonding!!
The kids played football outside until it got dark and then went straight to the Wii! Imagine that!
Gary ended up not being able to hang with our home group tonight. He is experiencing a lot of pain tonight and is currently still camped out on our bedroom floor. At least he made it through the 1st game of the day downstairs - which is longer than I thought he would make it!
Tomorrow since the boys are off school we are going to have some family time. I promised Gary I would get everything I needed to get done in the morning so that we could lay around as a family and just watch movies and enjoy one another. Knowing that there is a possibility that our lives might change once we get these test results I think some quality family time will be awesome!
Please be praying for us this week. Whatever happens please pray for peace and strength. Please pray that our minds stay clear and are not clouded with fear or uncertainty. We both know God is with us but we need prayer and protection so that we can stay focused.
As soon as Dr. Mazi comes over with blood test results you will all be the first to know what we find out from him.
Thank you for checking in with us and for all of your prayers!
Love, L
Friday, January 18, 2008
Friday
I have no energy because I am exhausted tonight. Today was a bit draining emotionally for me. Gary held up pretty well with the exception of some serious pain that he had to deal with. When we got home he had to crawl up the stairs.
The biopsy went as expected. He was in a lot longer than they thought but he ended up falling asleep before they wheeled him into the OR and he slept for and hour and a half afterwards.
He has been in bed since we got home at 2 PM. He had an In&Out burger for lunch and we had pizza for dinner.
Matt and Jen had the kids for the vast majority of the day. They need a break from us! I am sure we are totally irritating!
So, Dr. Mazi is checking on Gary's blood work and will most likely have results tomorrow.
The biopsy rtesults should be back by Thursday.
The PET scan is Tuesday at 1:15 PM at UCI.
We got word late this evening that Gary got in to see Dr. Bart! This is HUGE!!! He is not taking new patients and he refers everyone to his colleague Dr. Carrol. We received at least 20 referals to go to Dr. Barth and we thought there was no hope of getting in to see him. He is Chief of Satff at Hoag as well as 1 of America's Best Doctors!
I need to go finish my movie.
Good Night and I will give you more infomation tomorrow.
L
The biopsy went as expected. He was in a lot longer than they thought but he ended up falling asleep before they wheeled him into the OR and he slept for and hour and a half afterwards.
He has been in bed since we got home at 2 PM. He had an In&Out burger for lunch and we had pizza for dinner.
Matt and Jen had the kids for the vast majority of the day. They need a break from us! I am sure we are totally irritating!
So, Dr. Mazi is checking on Gary's blood work and will most likely have results tomorrow.
The biopsy rtesults should be back by Thursday.
The PET scan is Tuesday at 1:15 PM at UCI.
We got word late this evening that Gary got in to see Dr. Bart! This is HUGE!!! He is not taking new patients and he refers everyone to his colleague Dr. Carrol. We received at least 20 referals to go to Dr. Barth and we thought there was no hope of getting in to see him. He is Chief of Satff at Hoag as well as 1 of America's Best Doctors!
I need to go finish my movie.
Good Night and I will give you more infomation tomorrow.
L
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Dr. Mazi was sent from God
One of our many angels arrived at our home tonight! He did not have wings or a glowing aura but he had a white lab coat and an MD in Internal Medicine!
So, we are in bed and having a pizza picnic with the boys when our doorbell rings. To my surprise it is Dr. Maziar Zamani. He is the son of our next door neighbor. His Mom has asked him to come over and see us because she is so caring.
Dr. Mazi is the doctor we all wish we had. For heavens sakes - he makes house calls! The entire time he was here - almost 2 hours - he answered his pager and personally spoke with every patient who beckoned his call. Loving Mazi!
So, there are so many things he went over with us it would be difficult for me to communicate everything with you.
I will give you the key parts of our conversation:
1. Without even knowing Gary he looked across the room (which was not very bright) to tell Gary that he was very anemic. We have known that all along and the doctors have told us not to worry about it. What the Heck???? He has got to be losing blood from somewhere!
2. Without knowing Gary he can also tell that he is very depressed. Hallelujah!
3. He thinks we have not had the best of people caring for us. Gee, you think?
4. He thinks Gary's pain might possibly be things other than cancer like fibromyalgia, severe inflammation and many other things. oh, the possible possibilities.
He looked over every lab and every piece of information we have from UCI and spent so much time caring for Gary.
Bottom Line:
Gary will go to Saddleback Hospital at 8 AM tomorrow morning to have the following blood tests run:
ESR
CBC w/ differential
CMP
PreAbl
Iron, TiBC, Ferritin
Biz
Folate
He will have the results by Friday afternoon to go over things with us. WOW imagine a doc who orders tests and gets them back 24 hours later!
He is concerned that our doctors - if they truly suspect that Gary has metastic disease - have moved very slowly and have not given him the pain meds he has really needed to control his pain. He is on what the medical community considers "light weight" meds - meds you would not use to sedate a person suffering from metastic disease. No wonder the poor guy has been suffering!
So, we will figure all of this out and get to the bottom of what it is and what we can do to help Gary.
Cancer or not we are finally moving in the right direction in finding out what is going on inside Gary's body. It is much better knowing we will get answers.
BTW - Our boys ate an entire large pizza tonight! They all must be growing and will soon eat us out of house and home!
KEEP PRAYING FOR US! Every second of your prayers are so appreciated and needed!
I am taking Zach and Nate out of school tomorrow to take them to Disneyland for the day! They are so excited!
Next week I will take just Jax so that he and I can enjoy all of his favorite rides without forcing him to go on "the rides he hates"!
Sweet Dreams,
Lisa
So, we are in bed and having a pizza picnic with the boys when our doorbell rings. To my surprise it is Dr. Maziar Zamani. He is the son of our next door neighbor. His Mom has asked him to come over and see us because she is so caring.
Dr. Mazi is the doctor we all wish we had. For heavens sakes - he makes house calls! The entire time he was here - almost 2 hours - he answered his pager and personally spoke with every patient who beckoned his call. Loving Mazi!
So, there are so many things he went over with us it would be difficult for me to communicate everything with you.
I will give you the key parts of our conversation:
1. Without even knowing Gary he looked across the room (which was not very bright) to tell Gary that he was very anemic. We have known that all along and the doctors have told us not to worry about it. What the Heck???? He has got to be losing blood from somewhere!
2. Without knowing Gary he can also tell that he is very depressed. Hallelujah!
3. He thinks we have not had the best of people caring for us. Gee, you think?
4. He thinks Gary's pain might possibly be things other than cancer like fibromyalgia, severe inflammation and many other things. oh, the possible possibilities.
He looked over every lab and every piece of information we have from UCI and spent so much time caring for Gary.
Bottom Line:
Gary will go to Saddleback Hospital at 8 AM tomorrow morning to have the following blood tests run:
ESR
CBC w/ differential
CMP
PreAbl
Iron, TiBC, Ferritin
Biz
Folate
He will have the results by Friday afternoon to go over things with us. WOW imagine a doc who orders tests and gets them back 24 hours later!
He is concerned that our doctors - if they truly suspect that Gary has metastic disease - have moved very slowly and have not given him the pain meds he has really needed to control his pain. He is on what the medical community considers "light weight" meds - meds you would not use to sedate a person suffering from metastic disease. No wonder the poor guy has been suffering!
So, we will figure all of this out and get to the bottom of what it is and what we can do to help Gary.
Cancer or not we are finally moving in the right direction in finding out what is going on inside Gary's body. It is much better knowing we will get answers.
BTW - Our boys ate an entire large pizza tonight! They all must be growing and will soon eat us out of house and home!
KEEP PRAYING FOR US! Every second of your prayers are so appreciated and needed!
I am taking Zach and Nate out of school tomorrow to take them to Disneyland for the day! They are so excited!
Next week I will take just Jax so that he and I can enjoy all of his favorite rides without forcing him to go on "the rides he hates"!
Sweet Dreams,
Lisa
TESTS
Just a quick update on the tests that we were waiting to get scheduled!
Friday AM 7:00 UCI
Both the bone biopsy and CTs will be done.
Friday AM 7:00 UCI
Both the bone biopsy and CTs will be done.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Tuesday
BTW - many of you might not have our E-Mail address so I will give it to you now!
salleefamily5@cox.net
No word yet from anyone in the medical world! It is so amazingly frustrating! These tests should have been scheduled yesterday and here it is Tuesday at 4:40 PM and we have not received even a call back. So, we wait.
Gary and I are taking the boys to baseball try outs tonight. In fact, I need to get them ready in a few minutes!
Gary's brother sent him this new cool supplement called XanGo and it comes like Mona Vie in a wine bottle. It promises to provide the body with healing and antioxidents and all sorts of cool stuff! We are glad to have it and get started on it! Thanks Mike and Susan!
Gary has pretty much been in bed for the last couple of days. He has been very tired and low on energy. He is really not hungry either but I have been forcing him to eat - In&Out, Fettucini Alfredo, Mangia Bene and all sorts of yummy things.
He needs to keep up his strength.
He is actually up folding laundry right now while I sit on me behind writing to all of you. He did laundry and washed dishes and got the kids jammies out for tonight! He even cleaned the boys bathroom sink! Even with the struggle of pain he tells us that he gets joy in helping us. He is such a special guy!
Well, hopefully the next blog will be filled with information about when the next tests will be done! Pray for good communication with the doctors.
In His Hands,
L & G
salleefamily5@cox.net
No word yet from anyone in the medical world! It is so amazingly frustrating! These tests should have been scheduled yesterday and here it is Tuesday at 4:40 PM and we have not received even a call back. So, we wait.
Gary and I are taking the boys to baseball try outs tonight. In fact, I need to get them ready in a few minutes!
Gary's brother sent him this new cool supplement called XanGo and it comes like Mona Vie in a wine bottle. It promises to provide the body with healing and antioxidents and all sorts of cool stuff! We are glad to have it and get started on it! Thanks Mike and Susan!
Gary has pretty much been in bed for the last couple of days. He has been very tired and low on energy. He is really not hungry either but I have been forcing him to eat - In&Out, Fettucini Alfredo, Mangia Bene and all sorts of yummy things.
He needs to keep up his strength.
He is actually up folding laundry right now while I sit on me behind writing to all of you. He did laundry and washed dishes and got the kids jammies out for tonight! He even cleaned the boys bathroom sink! Even with the struggle of pain he tells us that he gets joy in helping us. He is such a special guy!
Well, hopefully the next blog will be filled with information about when the next tests will be done! Pray for good communication with the doctors.
In His Hands,
L & G
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Sunday Night
I am so sick and tired of reruns people! I miss all of my shows that I torture Gary with each week. The poor guy is forced to watch everything from Dancing With the Stars, The Bachelor, Grey's, Brothers & Sisters and Real Housewives of OC to Biggest Loser, Desperate Housewives and Big Shots! I keep telling him that he can only watch so many hours on The History Channel and only so many football games! At least we have moved on from Ice Truckers! Thank the good Lord for Tivo!
I really do not want to sleep on the couch tonight but at the rate that Gary is snoring I will be heading that direction very soon. Darnit - I love our bed but Gary's sleep is much more important right now.
Gary has been playing lots of online poker with play money. It seems to be a great distraction for him for a little while each day. It also helps having his friends over to hang with him! Yes, he has some friends.
I think he was in better spirits today overall. I can't even imagine being in his shoes right now. As close as we are I am not the one facing possible metastic disease. He is so strong and he doesn't even realize it! When I grow up I want to be just like Gary! He is my hero!
A word on circumstances we face. Once again, we can only do what we can do. There are things like Gary's pending tests, that we have NO control over. We are trying to focus on the things we do have control over. Prayer and reading God's Word in various texts is one thing we can control. I have been reading a book by Philip Yancy called Disappointment with God. It is such a great book for anyone to read. I am sure many of us have been disappointed with God at one time or another.
Spending time with friends and family is another thing we can control. We have loved all of the time we spend each day with everyone who has wanted to go on this journey with our family.
I am watching Extreme Home Makeover and I always cry. There are so many people who face struggles and it is so great to see these people smiling! I wish I could hear the TV! The volume is up to 12 and Gary is still winning! :)
I am signing off and will let everyone know when the tests will be as soon as I hear from UCI.
Pray specifically for peace, love, positive spirits, guidance, protection and HEALING! If it is the Lord's will to heal Gary there is no doubt in my mind that He will do just that! Remember, He can do absolutely anything and He doesn't even have to twitch his nose like Samantha!
Love and Hugs!
Good Night Everyone
L
Pay no attention to my typos! I don't feel like checking the spelling right now.
I really do not want to sleep on the couch tonight but at the rate that Gary is snoring I will be heading that direction very soon. Darnit - I love our bed but Gary's sleep is much more important right now.
Gary has been playing lots of online poker with play money. It seems to be a great distraction for him for a little while each day. It also helps having his friends over to hang with him! Yes, he has some friends.
I think he was in better spirits today overall. I can't even imagine being in his shoes right now. As close as we are I am not the one facing possible metastic disease. He is so strong and he doesn't even realize it! When I grow up I want to be just like Gary! He is my hero!
A word on circumstances we face. Once again, we can only do what we can do. There are things like Gary's pending tests, that we have NO control over. We are trying to focus on the things we do have control over. Prayer and reading God's Word in various texts is one thing we can control. I have been reading a book by Philip Yancy called Disappointment with God. It is such a great book for anyone to read. I am sure many of us have been disappointed with God at one time or another.
Spending time with friends and family is another thing we can control. We have loved all of the time we spend each day with everyone who has wanted to go on this journey with our family.
I am watching Extreme Home Makeover and I always cry. There are so many people who face struggles and it is so great to see these people smiling! I wish I could hear the TV! The volume is up to 12 and Gary is still winning! :)
I am signing off and will let everyone know when the tests will be as soon as I hear from UCI.
Pray specifically for peace, love, positive spirits, guidance, protection and HEALING! If it is the Lord's will to heal Gary there is no doubt in my mind that He will do just that! Remember, He can do absolutely anything and He doesn't even have to twitch his nose like Samantha!
Love and Hugs!
Good Night Everyone
L
Pay no attention to my typos! I don't feel like checking the spelling right now.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
SATURDAY
Good evening. I thought I would update everyone before I headed to the jacuzzi with S & J.
On a sidenote - Hobie must have eaten something EXTREMELY wicked today! I might have to kick him outside or something.
Okay. Back on track we go.............
Today was a busy day for all of us.
I helped out as much as possible at our baseball tryouts while Gary went with all 3 boys to the Pinewood Derby Car Races at Las Flores Middle School. He loved being able to go and watch that with the boys. Thank you Angela for picking him up today and bringing him home.
Gary looks high as a kite right now! I actually took a photo of him because he looks like Howdy Doody! He is so comfortable on his pain medication right this moment and it is such a nice change to see a smile on his face.
He was in better spirits today and hopefully will continue to have some peace.
The boys are doing great and Zach went to the Monster Truck races with Cameron and his family tonight.
The boys are playing the Wii - surprise surprise! They love that game system!
Gary is SNORING - OMG - I have issues with snoring!!!
Off to the jacuzzi!
Love, Me
On a sidenote - Hobie must have eaten something EXTREMELY wicked today! I might have to kick him outside or something.
Okay. Back on track we go.............
Today was a busy day for all of us.
I helped out as much as possible at our baseball tryouts while Gary went with all 3 boys to the Pinewood Derby Car Races at Las Flores Middle School. He loved being able to go and watch that with the boys. Thank you Angela for picking him up today and bringing him home.
Gary looks high as a kite right now! I actually took a photo of him because he looks like Howdy Doody! He is so comfortable on his pain medication right this moment and it is such a nice change to see a smile on his face.
He was in better spirits today and hopefully will continue to have some peace.
The boys are doing great and Zach went to the Monster Truck races with Cameron and his family tonight.
The boys are playing the Wii - surprise surprise! They love that game system!
Gary is SNORING - OMG - I have issues with snoring!!!
Off to the jacuzzi!
Love, Me
Friday, January 11, 2008
FRIDAY NIGHT UPDATE
We are home. I just walked in the door after Gary's appointment, getting Jax, picking up A's Burgers for Gary and getting his new meds.
Here is what I know so far:
Nothing but possibilities and probabilities. Nothing concrete.
Without boring you with all of the medical jargin I will give you the gist...................
We saw Dr. Fruehauf today at UCI. Upon meeting him he reminded us of a cross between the detective on Psych and of Mr. Bean. He was kind and obviously feels that God is in charge and was very concerned with how Gary was feeling.
Gary's tests are showing possible metastatic disease in both of his hips. If this is the case then it might be elsewhere as well. If it is it would be bladder cancer in the bone NOT bone cancer. The reason it might be elsewhere is because it would obviously be in the bloodstream and not confined to an organ.
There is a small chance it could be inflammation and an infection. It is a small but possible chance.
So, next week he will have a bone biopsy done as well as a CT from his neck to his pelvis.
We will wait for these tests to be scheduled and in the meantime the following will happen:
We will pray continually that we have peace and patience while we wait.
We will get 2 other opinions at Hoag and City of Hope in Long Beach.
We will keep going and stay positive and continue to be surrounded by friends and family!
Thank you for all your love and prayers! Keep it all coming!
Love, L
Here is what I know so far:
Nothing but possibilities and probabilities. Nothing concrete.
Without boring you with all of the medical jargin I will give you the gist...................
We saw Dr. Fruehauf today at UCI. Upon meeting him he reminded us of a cross between the detective on Psych and of Mr. Bean. He was kind and obviously feels that God is in charge and was very concerned with how Gary was feeling.
Gary's tests are showing possible metastatic disease in both of his hips. If this is the case then it might be elsewhere as well. If it is it would be bladder cancer in the bone NOT bone cancer. The reason it might be elsewhere is because it would obviously be in the bloodstream and not confined to an organ.
There is a small chance it could be inflammation and an infection. It is a small but possible chance.
So, next week he will have a bone biopsy done as well as a CT from his neck to his pelvis.
We will wait for these tests to be scheduled and in the meantime the following will happen:
We will pray continually that we have peace and patience while we wait.
We will get 2 other opinions at Hoag and City of Hope in Long Beach.
We will keep going and stay positive and continue to be surrounded by friends and family!
Thank you for all your love and prayers! Keep it all coming!
Love, L
Friday
Good Morning!
Well, we had probably our worst day since Gary's cancer nightmare yesterday. I am utterly and completely emotionally drained right now. You should all see the bags under my eyes. It is awful. I need to go upstairs to put Prep H on those bags!
Gary is the most amazing person. I love him so much and I HATE seeing him in pain and struggling physically and emotionally. He is so kind and loving and caring and thoughtful and helpful and every good thing you can possibly think about someone! I always want to be more like him in all of those things.
Gary and I both needed some help yesterday so Pastor Todd came over to help - that ended up being tragic. I backed my car into his in the middle of my sobbing and rushing because I was late to get Jax and did thousands of dollars of damage to his new beautiful Audi that he just got back after being in a pretty bad accident months ago! Insult to injury was the theme for the day! I am sooooooooooo sorry Todd. Right now, it is not funny so don't use this as a story in church to prove a point anytime in the near future!
We need everyone's prayers right now - more than ever. We are going to UCI this morning to see the Medical Oncologist who will hopefully give us some answers as to whether or not Gary's cancer is back and what our next step is either way.
Gary is drained and emotionally spent - beyond spent. Pray for clarity and strength and send positive vibes his way! Pray for love to surround him and people to lift him up!
I will let you know how everything goes this afternoon! Thank you TR, SB, M&J, JL, AB and RK for everything you helped us through yesterday. I would not have wanted to go through the battle without you!
PRAY PRAY PRAY!
Lvoe, Lisa
Well, we had probably our worst day since Gary's cancer nightmare yesterday. I am utterly and completely emotionally drained right now. You should all see the bags under my eyes. It is awful. I need to go upstairs to put Prep H on those bags!
Gary is the most amazing person. I love him so much and I HATE seeing him in pain and struggling physically and emotionally. He is so kind and loving and caring and thoughtful and helpful and every good thing you can possibly think about someone! I always want to be more like him in all of those things.
Gary and I both needed some help yesterday so Pastor Todd came over to help - that ended up being tragic. I backed my car into his in the middle of my sobbing and rushing because I was late to get Jax and did thousands of dollars of damage to his new beautiful Audi that he just got back after being in a pretty bad accident months ago! Insult to injury was the theme for the day! I am sooooooooooo sorry Todd. Right now, it is not funny so don't use this as a story in church to prove a point anytime in the near future!
We need everyone's prayers right now - more than ever. We are going to UCI this morning to see the Medical Oncologist who will hopefully give us some answers as to whether or not Gary's cancer is back and what our next step is either way.
Gary is drained and emotionally spent - beyond spent. Pray for clarity and strength and send positive vibes his way! Pray for love to surround him and people to lift him up!
I will let you know how everything goes this afternoon! Thank you TR, SB, M&J, JL, AB and RK for everything you helped us through yesterday. I would not have wanted to go through the battle without you!
PRAY PRAY PRAY!
Lvoe, Lisa
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
This one goes out to THE ONE & ONLY BIG D!!!
After learning that our friend - The BIG D - was upset because I listed his wife's initials before his in my last blog - do you see the tears streaming down my face as I play my violin? - I felt like I needed to acknowledge him because I am trying really really hard to get into "The BIG D Circle of Trust"! BIG D - this is it because your 15 seconds of fame have ended RIGHT NOW!
So, let's get down to what is really important - besides me of course! Gary is feeling okay today and did laundry and dishes and made dinner for everyone! He is hanging tough and we are fairly relaxed and feeling peaceful right now.
Gary is sitting in his big leather chair downstairs while we watch the YouTube video "Funniest First Dance". It is so funny - thanks Brick for showing that to me today at the office. BTW - How is it that Todd and I are the only ones who do not have iPhones at the office?
We are winding down the evening and we will go to Hoag tomorrow to drop off Gary's records to 2 new doctors. We will see the Medical Oncologist at UCI Friday and then see Dr. Barth and Dr. Vandermolen next week for their opinions. We have had several referrals to both of these docs! Thank you so much for all of your referrals! We had so many great docs to choose from!
KEEP PRAYING FOR US - WE NEED THEM ALL!
We will keep everyone posted!
Love, L
So, let's get down to what is really important - besides me of course! Gary is feeling okay today and did laundry and dishes and made dinner for everyone! He is hanging tough and we are fairly relaxed and feeling peaceful right now.
Gary is sitting in his big leather chair downstairs while we watch the YouTube video "Funniest First Dance". It is so funny - thanks Brick for showing that to me today at the office. BTW - How is it that Todd and I are the only ones who do not have iPhones at the office?
We are winding down the evening and we will go to Hoag tomorrow to drop off Gary's records to 2 new doctors. We will see the Medical Oncologist at UCI Friday and then see Dr. Barth and Dr. Vandermolen next week for their opinions. We have had several referrals to both of these docs! Thank you so much for all of your referrals! We had so many great docs to choose from!
KEEP PRAYING FOR US - WE NEED THEM ALL!
We will keep everyone posted!
Love, L
Monday, January 7, 2008
World's Scariest Roller Coaster
So I found out where the World's Scariest Roller Coaster is! IT IS OUR LIFE!
This update is part of a continuing saga that seems unending.
Before I start I have a need. I need referrals from anyone who knows a Medical Oncologist who is awesome. I have recently found out that there are so many types of oncologists - who knew!
So, we need a MEDICAL ONCOLOGIST. I would like to gather 2nd and 3rd opinions before we proceed.
Here it is in a nutshell........
First it was the left hip, right hip and spine.
Then it was only the left hip with necrosis in the right and nothing on the spine.
NOW...........drumroll please ................
He has sacral illiitous (inflamation) in his left hip with no apparent metatastic bone disease (this is where all of his pain is)
Nothing in the spine
The right hip that had nothing before now has findings consistent with Metastic Disease. (no pain in this hip)
So, I ask as any halfway intelligent person would, does he have cancer in his bone?
Well, they answer, the findings are consistent with that and we also factor in that he has had bladder cancer.
I did not get a YES answer.
So, where are we you might ask? ON OUR WAY TO THE LOONEY BIN!
I am so tired of this as I am sure Gary is too!
Here is how we proceed from here...........
I spoke with our GP - Dr. Tim Houston at Oso Niguel Medical. What a great doctor! He has been so supportive and calls Gary frequently to check in and see if he can help!
Dr. Houston has said as of right now we have no set diagnosis. He is disappointed that we have not had a QB helping to run these plays for us! This is where he says the Medical Oncologist comes to play.
We will see Dr. John Fruehauf at UCI on Friday who is a Medical Oncologist.
He should be able to give us accurate information. Hopefully we can get him to biopsy the area to make certain it is what it is - whatever it is.
So, I need more opinions after this one on Friday. This is how you can help. With the connections everyone has I hope to get several names to research so that I can get these appointments set.
In the meantime, we keep Gary comfortable and we keep going!
KEEP YOURS PRAYERS COMING for peace and strength as well as for patience and faith.
Regardless we are in the hands of God and as I told you before he will not leave us!
I have to take Zach to Gamestop as promised to research War Games that don't have too much blood and realistic violence - is there such a game I wonder!
I will keep updating to make sure to keep checking in!
We love all of you and thank you for your prayers! WE NEED THEM AND WANT THEM! Even the popcorn ones!
Love, L
PS - THE KIDS HAVE NOT BEEN TOLD ANYTHING RIGHT NOW! :)
This update is part of a continuing saga that seems unending.
Before I start I have a need. I need referrals from anyone who knows a Medical Oncologist who is awesome. I have recently found out that there are so many types of oncologists - who knew!
So, we need a MEDICAL ONCOLOGIST. I would like to gather 2nd and 3rd opinions before we proceed.
Here it is in a nutshell........
First it was the left hip, right hip and spine.
Then it was only the left hip with necrosis in the right and nothing on the spine.
NOW...........drumroll please ................
He has sacral illiitous (inflamation) in his left hip with no apparent metatastic bone disease (this is where all of his pain is)
Nothing in the spine
The right hip that had nothing before now has findings consistent with Metastic Disease. (no pain in this hip)
So, I ask as any halfway intelligent person would, does he have cancer in his bone?
Well, they answer, the findings are consistent with that and we also factor in that he has had bladder cancer.
I did not get a YES answer.
So, where are we you might ask? ON OUR WAY TO THE LOONEY BIN!
I am so tired of this as I am sure Gary is too!
Here is how we proceed from here...........
I spoke with our GP - Dr. Tim Houston at Oso Niguel Medical. What a great doctor! He has been so supportive and calls Gary frequently to check in and see if he can help!
Dr. Houston has said as of right now we have no set diagnosis. He is disappointed that we have not had a QB helping to run these plays for us! This is where he says the Medical Oncologist comes to play.
We will see Dr. John Fruehauf at UCI on Friday who is a Medical Oncologist.
He should be able to give us accurate information. Hopefully we can get him to biopsy the area to make certain it is what it is - whatever it is.
So, I need more opinions after this one on Friday. This is how you can help. With the connections everyone has I hope to get several names to research so that I can get these appointments set.
In the meantime, we keep Gary comfortable and we keep going!
KEEP YOURS PRAYERS COMING for peace and strength as well as for patience and faith.
Regardless we are in the hands of God and as I told you before he will not leave us!
I have to take Zach to Gamestop as promised to research War Games that don't have too much blood and realistic violence - is there such a game I wonder!
I will keep updating to make sure to keep checking in!
We love all of you and thank you for your prayers! WE NEED THEM AND WANT THEM! Even the popcorn ones!
Love, L
PS - THE KIDS HAVE NOT BEEN TOLD ANYTHING RIGHT NOW! :)
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The end of a long week and the beginning of a new one!
Hi everyone. Just a goodnight note................
Thank you for your calls and prayers and kind words and support!
R & G, M & J, J & D, D & D, Chuck and Annie, S and so many countless others who touch our lives on a daily basis - we love you and thank you for sticking by us through the thick of things! Many of you are waiting to talk to us and see us and we are thinking about you and know how much you care. Please know that once we get a handle on things we will return phone calls and E-mails.
Happy B-day J! The spa was so incedibly needed.
Lunch with homegroup is ALWAYS a treat! Next week we will host at our house! I will make Chicken casserole for everyone!
Our tacos were yummy tonight - Gary had 2! I bet the wine is going to be really good as will be the icecream!
The Costco run was needed M & J and Stacy and I found out that Sprint Sucks today after 2 hours of being jerked around!
I am trying to keep our lives very full right now as we go through this next phase of our lives.
Here are the final thoughts for the night because I DVRed DH and I want to watch it!
God is always with us and will never leave any of us...............I know this to be solid and true to the core of my being.
Good is everywhere - you just have to look for it sometimes.
Life is full of curveballs - how you handle them is the key.
Staying strong and being positive and knowing that you are not in control is crucial.
We will probably be on and off of many emotional roller coasters this week so bear with us as hopefully accurate information is unveiled to us. We will be researching some doctors at St. Josephs Burbank as well as at UCLA to get 2nd opinions. We will leave no stone unturned - this I promise Gary and the kids!
Have a wonderful Monday and we will talk soon.
Goodnight
L
Thank you for your calls and prayers and kind words and support!
R & G, M & J, J & D, D & D, Chuck and Annie, S and so many countless others who touch our lives on a daily basis - we love you and thank you for sticking by us through the thick of things! Many of you are waiting to talk to us and see us and we are thinking about you and know how much you care. Please know that once we get a handle on things we will return phone calls and E-mails.
Happy B-day J! The spa was so incedibly needed.
Lunch with homegroup is ALWAYS a treat! Next week we will host at our house! I will make Chicken casserole for everyone!
Our tacos were yummy tonight - Gary had 2! I bet the wine is going to be really good as will be the icecream!
The Costco run was needed M & J and Stacy and I found out that Sprint Sucks today after 2 hours of being jerked around!
I am trying to keep our lives very full right now as we go through this next phase of our lives.
Here are the final thoughts for the night because I DVRed DH and I want to watch it!
God is always with us and will never leave any of us...............I know this to be solid and true to the core of my being.
Good is everywhere - you just have to look for it sometimes.
Life is full of curveballs - how you handle them is the key.
Staying strong and being positive and knowing that you are not in control is crucial.
We will probably be on and off of many emotional roller coasters this week so bear with us as hopefully accurate information is unveiled to us. We will be researching some doctors at St. Josephs Burbank as well as at UCLA to get 2nd opinions. We will leave no stone unturned - this I promise Gary and the kids!
Have a wonderful Monday and we will talk soon.
Goodnight
L
Friday, January 4, 2008
Thanks
Thank you to Claudia and Todd and Ren and Gloria and Matt and Jen and to all of our friends who have been calling and praying and wanting to bring food and take the kids and be with us and everything else! WOW! We are feelin' the love as always!
Good night.
BTW - Gary is snoring right now! Finally, some sleep for him. :)
Good night.
BTW - Gary is snoring right now! Finally, some sleep for him. :)
Gary's Latest
Hi everyone. I had to update everyone since so many people have called and emotionally I am not able to speak with many people right now. You should see my eyes and I am so stuffy!
Gary has been in pain since Thanksgiving. It has been getting worse by the week.
On December 20th we saw our doctor and we got the "3 month cancer clear". At this time I asked the doc why Gary was still in so much pain and I also told him that the pain is getting worse by the day.
A very long story made shorter...........................
I took him to Mission on December 27th. They ran tests and determined that Gary has recurrent bladder cancer in the pelvic region and that his kidney was shutting down and that we needed to get him to UCI right away.
We sobbed for hours and hours and stayed up all night doing computer research........................Gary of course said not to worry because he doesn't think he has cancer.
We got home.
Next day.................we were at baseball camp in HB and got the call to get him admitted ASAP to UCI so that they could unblock Gary's kidney.
So..........
We check in. Gary gets wheeeled off to the procedure room.
We wait.........
Gary comes back with no procedure. The docs at UCI looked at his CT scan and determined that the docs at Mission had completely misdiagnosed him - COMPLETELY! So, Gary says I told you so and we are positive at this point.
However, we still do not know what the pain is or where is it coming from but it has completely brought Gary to his knees.
Gary is released the next day from UCI and I get to work.
I have been on the phone since that day getting everyone on board.
Fast forward to today, Jan. 4th.
Gary went for a bone scan this morning.
Right after the scan we went to the doc office and I demanded that he be seen and that his scan be read.
His docs are awesome and always bend over backward for our family. Lydia pushes everything through. :)
We go in. They read the scan. They come in and blindside us 100%.........
They tell us that they are almost certain that Gary has bladder cancer that has gone into his bones. WHAT???? Did they just say that?
So, I immediately ask if I will most certainly be a single Mom. My answer is yes.
I ask how much time I have with Gary.
3 months to 12-18 months depending on how the chemo works.
So, devastation fills the room and I am seriously struggling to hold back any of the things I am thinking.......
I do not want to be alone. I love Gary more than anything (except God) and he completes me. I want the kids to grow up with their Dad. I thought Gary and I would grow old together. All my dreams are being shattered in a matter of a few words.
Dr. A pulls me into the other room to show my the bone scan. He is fairly certain and will not BS me that this is cancer in his bones. He sees spots on the left and the right and on the spine. Can he tell me this 100%? No. But, he is gravely worried and tells me several times how sorry he is. This cancer affects less than 5% of the population.
So......................we get the pain management clinic to give him loads of drugs and we order an MRI to CONFIRM the BONE SCAN FINDINGS. This happens at 6 PM tonight.
9:30 PM..........Dr. Rodriguez calls. He has talked with an INTERN radiologist because the head radiologist is gone until Monday and there are no residents available to consult with.
So.............................he can't commit to anything at this point. Is it cancer? Maybe......maybe not. More along the lines of maybe but he won't commit. He has some Avascular necrosis in his right hip which they thought was probably cancer. Not cancer. The spot on his spine turns out not to be cancer either. The left hip is not looking as good as the spine and right hip but he still won't say it is or isn't cancer.
So..........where do we stand on this INSANE EMOTIONAL roller coaster? We are still in God's hands and he is still in charge of our lives. We will PRAY our hearts out that Gary is healed and we will pray that this is ultimately in HIS will and we will be positive!
Monday we will have more answers and Gary and I will meet with oncologists.
4 things can happen.
1. He might not have cancer - not likely but possible. That would be optimal
2. With chemo and radiation we could prolong his life if his cancer responds well to it - he could live 12-18 months possibly
3. Chemo and radiation might not do anything and we will know by the 2nd round - he could pass away within a 3 month period
4. Chemo and radiation could cure him - 5% chance.
We are all over the board!
So, we beg of everyone to pray your hearts out for a positive outcome on Monday! Please pray for our boys to be completely protected (we are not telling them until we know for sure where we stand).
Pray for me that I don't fall apart and pray for fear not to control our lives. Pray for Gary for his comfort and that his mind does not run away with him negatively.
I WOULD LOVE ANOTHER ROUND OF HEALING!
We thank all of you for your love, support and prayers!
I will keep you posted as soon as I have more information!
Love,
L
Gary has been in pain since Thanksgiving. It has been getting worse by the week.
On December 20th we saw our doctor and we got the "3 month cancer clear". At this time I asked the doc why Gary was still in so much pain and I also told him that the pain is getting worse by the day.
A very long story made shorter...........................
I took him to Mission on December 27th. They ran tests and determined that Gary has recurrent bladder cancer in the pelvic region and that his kidney was shutting down and that we needed to get him to UCI right away.
We sobbed for hours and hours and stayed up all night doing computer research........................Gary of course said not to worry because he doesn't think he has cancer.
We got home.
Next day.................we were at baseball camp in HB and got the call to get him admitted ASAP to UCI so that they could unblock Gary's kidney.
So..........
We check in. Gary gets wheeeled off to the procedure room.
We wait.........
Gary comes back with no procedure. The docs at UCI looked at his CT scan and determined that the docs at Mission had completely misdiagnosed him - COMPLETELY! So, Gary says I told you so and we are positive at this point.
However, we still do not know what the pain is or where is it coming from but it has completely brought Gary to his knees.
Gary is released the next day from UCI and I get to work.
I have been on the phone since that day getting everyone on board.
Fast forward to today, Jan. 4th.
Gary went for a bone scan this morning.
Right after the scan we went to the doc office and I demanded that he be seen and that his scan be read.
His docs are awesome and always bend over backward for our family. Lydia pushes everything through. :)
We go in. They read the scan. They come in and blindside us 100%.........
They tell us that they are almost certain that Gary has bladder cancer that has gone into his bones. WHAT???? Did they just say that?
So, I immediately ask if I will most certainly be a single Mom. My answer is yes.
I ask how much time I have with Gary.
3 months to 12-18 months depending on how the chemo works.
So, devastation fills the room and I am seriously struggling to hold back any of the things I am thinking.......
I do not want to be alone. I love Gary more than anything (except God) and he completes me. I want the kids to grow up with their Dad. I thought Gary and I would grow old together. All my dreams are being shattered in a matter of a few words.
Dr. A pulls me into the other room to show my the bone scan. He is fairly certain and will not BS me that this is cancer in his bones. He sees spots on the left and the right and on the spine. Can he tell me this 100%? No. But, he is gravely worried and tells me several times how sorry he is. This cancer affects less than 5% of the population.
So......................we get the pain management clinic to give him loads of drugs and we order an MRI to CONFIRM the BONE SCAN FINDINGS. This happens at 6 PM tonight.
9:30 PM..........Dr. Rodriguez calls. He has talked with an INTERN radiologist because the head radiologist is gone until Monday and there are no residents available to consult with.
So.............................he can't commit to anything at this point. Is it cancer? Maybe......maybe not. More along the lines of maybe but he won't commit. He has some Avascular necrosis in his right hip which they thought was probably cancer. Not cancer. The spot on his spine turns out not to be cancer either. The left hip is not looking as good as the spine and right hip but he still won't say it is or isn't cancer.
So..........where do we stand on this INSANE EMOTIONAL roller coaster? We are still in God's hands and he is still in charge of our lives. We will PRAY our hearts out that Gary is healed and we will pray that this is ultimately in HIS will and we will be positive!
Monday we will have more answers and Gary and I will meet with oncologists.
4 things can happen.
1. He might not have cancer - not likely but possible. That would be optimal
2. With chemo and radiation we could prolong his life if his cancer responds well to it - he could live 12-18 months possibly
3. Chemo and radiation might not do anything and we will know by the 2nd round - he could pass away within a 3 month period
4. Chemo and radiation could cure him - 5% chance.
We are all over the board!
So, we beg of everyone to pray your hearts out for a positive outcome on Monday! Please pray for our boys to be completely protected (we are not telling them until we know for sure where we stand).
Pray for me that I don't fall apart and pray for fear not to control our lives. Pray for Gary for his comfort and that his mind does not run away with him negatively.
I WOULD LOVE ANOTHER ROUND OF HEALING!
We thank all of you for your love, support and prayers!
I will keep you posted as soon as I have more information!
Love,
L
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