S#it Happens

So, Jake wanted to watch this rated R movie while Steve and Steph were out of town. I could not ok that so I told him to call his parents (he was going to do that anyway). So, we are sitting in the kitchen talking about it and he is trying to figure out what time would be the best time to call them. Then, my kid pipes in. Zach tells Jake the following.....
Zach - age 9 and Jake - age 14
Zach: Jake, you should call them now.
Jake: Why now?
Zach: Because by now (it was around 8 PM I think) they have had a few drinks and they will be more likely to say yes.
WHAT THE HECK????? Zach is talking like I am a boozer and he has the 411 on the amount of time it takes to become agreeable after drinking.
After the boys high fived one another I chastized my kid and went forward with our conversation.

That is as funny as I get right now. Let's discuss some serious information.

I asked Gar what he wanted the title of the blog to be and there you have it. I would have chosed something more melancholy.

I am at a loss for words right now. It is the morning after and I am still struggling with what to tell you. I am numb and in shock on top of being emotionally exhausted and I feel out of sorts.

I do not have the energy to give you a blow by blow of our day yesterday but I will try to convey to you what has been conveyed to us.

We went in for a routine test yesterday (colangiogram). Because Gary had indicated that he was in increasing pain they decided to do a CT scan to check things out.

It just gets more and more complicated and as you all know cancer can take many paths depending on the day.
Gary has several obstacles right now. Over the weekend he developed this new pain in his abdomen. He has been in unbearable pain throughout the weekend and remains that way this morning.


Gary has four HUGE problems right now.
1. Gary has a hole in his bladder and the urine is filling his abdominal cavity. This is probably due to radiation damage. The bladder wall weakened and this hole has opened up.
2. Gary has a major bowel obstruction again. His CT shows HUGE loops of bowel (so bad). He is not throwing up yet and we are trying to avoid an NG tube by giving him limited clear liquid. This is not good because he will lose even more weight. This is also something that has been caused by radiation damage.
3. Gary's left bile ducts are clogged in his liver. Really blocked. They can put a stint in to open them up but this will not affect the cancer in any positive/negative way. The lesion is growing and blocking the ducts.
4. He has uncontrollable pain.
5. We can't treat the cancer and it is growing. He has not had chemo since 6/25 which puts us 6 weeks out of treatment.

If you add all of these things up and understodd exactly what all of this means you will know that we are facing the unimaginable. Radiation has caused so much damage that we are unsure if they can even fix #1 and #2. Once the damage is done by radiation the tissue becomes like wet toilet paper it can be nearly impossible to repair.

Dr. Barth offered 2 things to us. Either Gary can go on hospice and die at home or he can try to fight and possibly never even make it home from the hospital and still die. I want Gary to fight, beat the odds and fully recover from the surgeries and fight the cancer and ultimately WIN!! Is that going to happen? Odds are severly against us but God has come in during the 11th hour many times before and provided healing. This is my desire and I know it is Gary's as well.

Since the cancer can not be treated right now while we are fighting and trying to get over so many other obstacles it will put us back at least another 5 weeks and that equals 3 months. If we fight #1-4 and get through that we will still be faced with 3 months of time that has elapsed where the cancer has grown. It is already growing and we are losing ground as we speak.

When I tell you cancer changes things daily I meant it. Never in a million years did I think that we would be faced with that news yesterday.

We are both numb and beyond sad. I can't even imagine being Gary right now. What is he thinking? How does one come to terms with what he is facing? I know what I am facing and I am totally devastated just thinking about things.

Here is what we are going to do.
We are not going to focus on Gary dying. Trust me, I am not in denial so please spare the comments about how I need to prepare and how I need to get real. 99.9% of you have never left comments to me to that affect but a few people have and trust me when I tell you that they are NOT helpful at all. I get it loud and clear.
We will chose to focus on living and getting through each day as it comes. God tells us not to worry about tomorrow when today brings enough problems of its own. I agree. One day at a time.
Gary and I are focusing on the boys making sure things stay as normal as possible during this time. We have not told them what is going on right now. They know Gary is going in the hospital for a minimum of a month but that is all they know.

Remember, I could get a phone call this morning and everything could change from what I have told you. All of the surgeons are presently talking with Barth and they are looking at scans and figuring things out. So far, we think we will be at Hoag for all of the surgeries.

There is nothing any of you can do besides pray. Pray until you can't pray anymore. I am not going to give you anything specific to pray for because we need so much pray for so many different things. Pick something from above and pray for it. I am still praying for the 11th hour divine intervention.

After much deliberation, Gary is chosing to fight this cancer. He told me that he is not going to lay down and die. If he is going to die then he is going to die fighting and he wants his boys to know that he is not a quitter!

We love you and we know your thoughts and prayers are with us always. Stay tuned and I will keep you updated. I might have some guests updating you if I am overwhelmed but I promise you that they will have to include at least 1 joke within the text!

Love,
L