August 31st Update

This is long. Sorry.

I missed church this morning and I hate missing church. I love being there every Sunday regardless of what is going on with Gary. It renews me and I love seeing all of the kids and their families! Besides, we had family church and we were playing some pretty cool games today.

Jax spent the night at the hospital with Gary and I and he is still here. He did not want to go to the beach with Robin and the boys. I think he needs some Mommy & Daddy time.

On Friday night Gary had fevers throughout the night but he seemed to be a bit more comfortable last night. I think adding that Robaxin and Marinol has helped to do the trick. We will see how long it lasts.

The team of doctors delivered some news yesterday that was disturbing yet not completely shocking.

Gary is hanging in there and basically fighting for his life right now and he is mentally preparing himself for a war – Gary vs. cancer and ALL of its complications and nastiness.

Gary has many issues and cancer is just one of them. All of the other complications/issues are stemming from the treatment we have done thus far to try to combat the cancer.

His cancer in his pelvis is holding and has not grown. The cancer in his liver has grown but has not caused any major complications yet. The hope is to be able to get the chemo on board and start the SBRT radiation next week to shrink those lesions and get rid of the cancer in his liver. He has infections and he is weak and his liver has 2 lesions and he is suffering fevers and sweats and massive bouts of pain.

Yesterday we sedated him pretty heavily. He was basically unaware for a good part of the day and night with the exception of a few conversations. I would much rather see him out of it for a good part of the day than to watch him struggle with severe uncontrollable pain.

Dr. Barth came in yesterday to make sure that Gary wanted to fight. Gary said he was going to fight so Dr. Barth has ordered 4 different chemotherapy agents for Gary. He had 1 Saturday (Methotrexate) and will be inundated with the other 3 today (Taxotere, Doxorubicin & Vinblastin). He has never had any of these chemo agents so everything is new – symptoms, side effects, etc… Anytime you do chemo there are risks.

I think these thoughts…….If the cancer is holding why are we facing possible death? If he has infections just keep zapping him with antibiotics, right? We will get him eating and make him get out of bed to build up his strength. It seems so textbook.

I listen and try to gain a better understanding as to what we are up against.
If you had an infection in your body (we’ll say a staff infection) you would treat it with antibiotics and fluids and get better. If you have cancer and the cancer you move forward with chemo and radiation to retard the growth and gain control.

If you take those issues separately we would have a great chance for Gary to heal and his body to be able to fight. But, because all of these things are happening at the same time it makes everything extremely risky and complicated.

There is such a thing as over treating the body with antibiotics that can cause a whole host of nasty problems. The pain meds complicate treatment as well. The infection(s) are going on while we are trying to control the cancer with heavy chemo. Chemo is a risk in itself without having multiple infections in the body. Chemo kills the body’s ability to fight infection and each chemo agent has a list a page long on all of the side effects and drug interactions. It is messy.

This morning Gary had some tests done on his heart to make sure everything was working properly. All the tests came back great. Dr. Barth is brilliant and he obviously did not feel that these tests were necessary but I wanted to know that we checked everything out before we blast Gary so I don’t ever look back and say I wish I would have…….. It was more for my peace of mind than anything.

We had a conversation late last night about what we are now facing and I hope and pray to God that none of you ever have to have these talks that Gary and I are now having. We are preparing ourselves for the absolute worst and we are still hoping and praying for the best.

We sat down yesterday and started to write a letter to the boys. (If Gary dies) We talked about what I should do immediately following his death with the boys as far as school and time off. We both agreed that I needed to call Ann Corwin this week and talk with her about how to handle this possibility with the boys.

13 years ago when we both said “I Do” we never in a million years imagined this for our lives. We both envisioned being together always. We would grow old together and play with our grandkids and travel all over the world. We have talked about doing missions work together and to begin exposing our kids to that at an earlier age so that they didn’t think that living in OC was the way that everyone lived. We have so many plans for our future together. It is very difficult to stomach not being able to do those very things together.

The great news is that Gary is still fighting and we are all still praying. Cancer does not kill everyone it gets a hold of. Cancer can be a funny thing. One minute it is there and the next moment it can disappear. Gary is a fighter and he will fight on and hopefully kick cancer in the butt just like USC did to Virginia! Go SC!!!

Besides his pain, he always manages to muster up a smile and make some sort of wisecrack! He really should be the poster man for strength and perseverance and courage and bravery. He has had to endure far more than most people as far as daily suffering goes.

I dedicate this blog entry to my husband who I love more than words. He is my best friend and God has blessed me with our marriage and our 3 beautiful boys. We have had 12 amazing years together and I hope and pray we get at least another 12 (I am really hoping for a heck of a lot more than that!).

Keep praying and have faith that no matter what God is always there and He never leaves any of His children!

Have a wonderful Sunday and a safe Labor Day!

All our Love,
L