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I need to thank my friends. You know who you are. You are the ones who lift me out of my trench. You call me even when you know I don't want to talk. You show up at my house to check on me. You make sure I am not alone and you invite me places so I don't feel left out. You hang with my boys and help me move furniture. You seek me out to see how I am and you don't care if I tell you that my day sucked!
The past 10 weeks I have lived in somewhat of a fog. Time has passed by so quickly but at the same time it has been a painfully slow process of readjustment. Some of you have witnessed my whining, crying boys. Many of you listen to me vent and bitch and moan about how crappy my days have been. No judgement and that is HUGE. So many people are so judgemental and that really stinks. It feels good to have people I can be brutally honest with.
Life is hard right now. Everything is complicated. Nothing is ordinary. Nothing feels right yet. I know it will. In the meantime we will just keep plugging along and trying to figure out how to put the pieces of our "puzzle" back together.
My friends are so important - you have no idea. I know I have not been the best friend to some of you. I hardly have time to think let alone really pour into my friendships and yet you carry me through this time and expect nothing in return. Thank you for not judging me (I know I already said that but I really mean it) and for accepting me just as I am. Thanks for the countless hours of listening and for helping me in every single area of my life. I hope not one of you ever has to go through what we are going through right now. This is so big and scary and hard and unimaginable.
It's times like these when you find out who's on the team. Thanks to those who have stepped up to bat for us and who have supported and loved us. I love my friends and I am thankful to be so loved by so many of them. We look forward to sharing our wonderful future with all of you.
Love and Thanks,
L
BTW - I met with my school counselor and I am going back to school to get my Nursing Degree. I am super excited. Anatomy here I come! Keep your fingers crossed!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Happy Sunday
We had a great day today. Went to church then to Costco then to do snack bar inventory then home.............for the rest of the day! I love being home. Home Group came over tonight and we grilled out and had great conversation and it was awesome!
This week is going to go by so fast and then we will have 9 glorious days with NO HOMEWORK and NO LUNCHES and NO EARLY BEDTIMES! Yeah!!! We are going to have loads of fun and I am really looking forward to that.
We are going to spend most of our time at the beach. Zach and Matt are going to try and bike and I will really continue to help Jax learn to ride his bike. I am tired of running beside him down the street hunched over trying to anticipate his falling.
All 3 boys had more than excellent progress reports this trimester. I am so incredibly proud of them. Despite everything we are going through they have all kept their grades up with no behavioral changes. I guess they save that for me at home.
I have done some serious soul searching over the past week. Many of you know that this past week has been the most difficult week since Gary died. I will have to share my soul with you this week at some point in time in this blog. But, too time consuming right now and at 10 PM on Sunday night my brain is not working so well.
I am off to the gym in the morning and then to L.A. at some point in time to pick some stuff up that I ordered.
Have the best Monday ever!
xoxo
L
This week is going to go by so fast and then we will have 9 glorious days with NO HOMEWORK and NO LUNCHES and NO EARLY BEDTIMES! Yeah!!! We are going to have loads of fun and I am really looking forward to that.
We are going to spend most of our time at the beach. Zach and Matt are going to try and bike and I will really continue to help Jax learn to ride his bike. I am tired of running beside him down the street hunched over trying to anticipate his falling.
All 3 boys had more than excellent progress reports this trimester. I am so incredibly proud of them. Despite everything we are going through they have all kept their grades up with no behavioral changes. I guess they save that for me at home.
I have done some serious soul searching over the past week. Many of you know that this past week has been the most difficult week since Gary died. I will have to share my soul with you this week at some point in time in this blog. But, too time consuming right now and at 10 PM on Sunday night my brain is not working so well.
I am off to the gym in the morning and then to L.A. at some point in time to pick some stuff up that I ordered.
Have the best Monday ever!
xoxo
L
Saturday, March 28, 2009
My Little Bargain Hunters
As promised..........The garage sale find of the year....................
A Trek 26" mountain bike with shocks and 24 gears for.....................$40.00!
Zach and Nate are stoked. Good job boys.
We are actually home tonight. No social events. No phone calls. Just us. Hanging out. Enjoying the KCA (Kids Choice Awards) while the laundry is going and the sinks are bleaching.
Baseball was long today. Both Nate and Zach's games were 2 1/2 hours. It was a beautiful day though and if I could get Jax to stop chewing his glove while in the field I would be an even happier baseball mom!
My friend Ron who owns Audiofonix did a great job installing my DVD player and back up camera in our car. I have no idea how to work anything but he will give me a tutorial tomorrow. The boys love the car BUT are bummed they cannot eat in it. They think I am going to cave. Zach told someone to just give me a week and they will all be eating and drinking in this car! Fat chance in hell! Mark my words.
I just love my boys. I love the people who surround me each day. I love laughing with my girlfriends.
I miss my life before Gary died. I miss Gary. I can't even look at a photo of him yet I have a hard time even remembering our life before cancer. It is a true battle of the mind each day. Everything around me is happy. Smiles and love and good times and fond memories. Yet, I have a small piece of me that feels empty. I am very used to being married. I loved being married. Being single is not something I would have ever wished for. Being alone is not for me but I bet I am going to learn a lot about myself and having to be 3 little boys "everything" is a sobering reality check.
Today it seems like Gary died a long time ago. Zach and I were just having a conversation about this. Why does it seem like so much time has passed? He died January 10th and it is now March 28th. 10 weeks. That really is not a whole lot of time. It seems like years. Maybe because he was so sick for so long. I dunno. I could sit here all night trying to figure out the whole concept of time but I am not going to.
I guess I will feel sad for a little while longer. I think seeing his photo tonight triggered this sadness. I occasionally come across pictures and I just have to look the other way even though I really want to look at them.
Over Spring Break the kids and I are going to go to the Getty Museum and to the Griffith Observatory to see Gary's star. They have been asking me to do this so we are going for sure! I hope we can find it through that awesome telescope they have.
Hurley and Hobie had playdates today and they are whipped. Yes, I finally cleaned up the dog poop in my dining room Kelley! No more poop in the house! I have been vacuuming but both dogs hate the vacuum cleaner so I am taking a break from that for a while.
Zach is reading next to me and the boys are tired and ready for bed. Home Group is coming for dinner and fun tomorrow night and we are grilling out.
I have no words of wisdom for any of you. Too tired.
Boys are in the showers. I need to get some clean towels to them.
I think everyone should get up tomorrow morning and go to church. Thank God for everything in your life. What doesn't kill you will truly make you stronger. Hopefully I get stronger each day. Thankful I am. Thankful to God for the gift of my children and of my life and my friends and family. Thankful that HE is in control and I am not.
Ciao,
xo Lisa
A Trek 26" mountain bike with shocks and 24 gears for.....................$40.00!
Zach and Nate are stoked. Good job boys.
We are actually home tonight. No social events. No phone calls. Just us. Hanging out. Enjoying the KCA (Kids Choice Awards) while the laundry is going and the sinks are bleaching.
Baseball was long today. Both Nate and Zach's games were 2 1/2 hours. It was a beautiful day though and if I could get Jax to stop chewing his glove while in the field I would be an even happier baseball mom!
My friend Ron who owns Audiofonix did a great job installing my DVD player and back up camera in our car. I have no idea how to work anything but he will give me a tutorial tomorrow. The boys love the car BUT are bummed they cannot eat in it. They think I am going to cave. Zach told someone to just give me a week and they will all be eating and drinking in this car! Fat chance in hell! Mark my words.
I just love my boys. I love the people who surround me each day. I love laughing with my girlfriends.
I miss my life before Gary died. I miss Gary. I can't even look at a photo of him yet I have a hard time even remembering our life before cancer. It is a true battle of the mind each day. Everything around me is happy. Smiles and love and good times and fond memories. Yet, I have a small piece of me that feels empty. I am very used to being married. I loved being married. Being single is not something I would have ever wished for. Being alone is not for me but I bet I am going to learn a lot about myself and having to be 3 little boys "everything" is a sobering reality check.
Today it seems like Gary died a long time ago. Zach and I were just having a conversation about this. Why does it seem like so much time has passed? He died January 10th and it is now March 28th. 10 weeks. That really is not a whole lot of time. It seems like years. Maybe because he was so sick for so long. I dunno. I could sit here all night trying to figure out the whole concept of time but I am not going to.
I guess I will feel sad for a little while longer. I think seeing his photo tonight triggered this sadness. I occasionally come across pictures and I just have to look the other way even though I really want to look at them.
Over Spring Break the kids and I are going to go to the Getty Museum and to the Griffith Observatory to see Gary's star. They have been asking me to do this so we are going for sure! I hope we can find it through that awesome telescope they have.
Hurley and Hobie had playdates today and they are whipped. Yes, I finally cleaned up the dog poop in my dining room Kelley! No more poop in the house! I have been vacuuming but both dogs hate the vacuum cleaner so I am taking a break from that for a while.
Zach is reading next to me and the boys are tired and ready for bed. Home Group is coming for dinner and fun tomorrow night and we are grilling out.
I have no words of wisdom for any of you. Too tired.
Boys are in the showers. I need to get some clean towels to them.
I think everyone should get up tomorrow morning and go to church. Thank God for everything in your life. What doesn't kill you will truly make you stronger. Hopefully I get stronger each day. Thankful I am. Thankful to God for the gift of my children and of my life and my friends and family. Thankful that HE is in control and I am not.
Ciao,
xo Lisa
There will be NO SLEEPING IN
Me. Fake crying. Maybe even a little whimper and a whole lotta whining. Do you know why?
IT IS 6:50 AM ON SATURDAY MORNING! I WANT TO SLEEP!
But, guess what?
I AM NOT. Do you want to know why?
Well, on our way home last night as we pulled into our neighborhood (around 10 PM) the boys became excited.
Excited because all of the streets were adorned with magic signs that read GARAGE SALE.
Oh Mom! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can we go to all of the neighborhood garage sales? We go every year! Last year I got that cool skimboard for 4 bucks. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?????????????
Seriously, I wanted to just flat out say NO NO NO NO NO. But, the pushover that you all know me to be (ha) got the best of me and now I am blogging quickly before I get them out of bed to have some family bonding time as we garage sale together.
MY ONLY DAY TO SLEEP IN. My eyes are still glued shut.
I am going to suck it up, not complain, and bargain hunt with the boys. I will try not to socialize with neighbors too much so that we waste no time. The boys already have our route planned out. We walk part of the way THEN we get in the car so that we can make better time and we go the whole "drive by" thing. If it looks good, the boys hop out and I park.
Off to the garage sales! I hope to be home by 9.
I will let you all know what our great find was today!
xoxo
L
IT IS 6:50 AM ON SATURDAY MORNING! I WANT TO SLEEP!
But, guess what?
I AM NOT. Do you want to know why?
Well, on our way home last night as we pulled into our neighborhood (around 10 PM) the boys became excited.
Excited because all of the streets were adorned with magic signs that read GARAGE SALE.
Oh Mom! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can we go to all of the neighborhood garage sales? We go every year! Last year I got that cool skimboard for 4 bucks. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?????????????
Seriously, I wanted to just flat out say NO NO NO NO NO. But, the pushover that you all know me to be (ha) got the best of me and now I am blogging quickly before I get them out of bed to have some family bonding time as we garage sale together.
MY ONLY DAY TO SLEEP IN. My eyes are still glued shut.
I am going to suck it up, not complain, and bargain hunt with the boys. I will try not to socialize with neighbors too much so that we waste no time. The boys already have our route planned out. We walk part of the way THEN we get in the car so that we can make better time and we go the whole "drive by" thing. If it looks good, the boys hop out and I park.
Off to the garage sales! I hope to be home by 9.
I will let you all know what our great find was today!
xoxo
L
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
L&M Automotive
Charlie Smith is one great guy. I know Charlie from Little League and he was on the board with me last year.
At the same time that I blogged that I needed to find someone to help me fix the cars I forgot that I had sent him an E-mail to see if he could help me or really if he knew someone who could help me get the cars fixed. Charlie owns L&M Automotive in Laguna Hills. He has been so super great to me in the past and he has done it once again.
I would highly recommend Charlie if any of you are looking for a mechanic. Charlie is honest and he has great customer service. I take all of my cars to him.
So, cancel the tall order of finding a mechanic. I got one!
Love,
L
At the same time that I blogged that I needed to find someone to help me fix the cars I forgot that I had sent him an E-mail to see if he could help me or really if he knew someone who could help me get the cars fixed. Charlie owns L&M Automotive in Laguna Hills. He has been so super great to me in the past and he has done it once again.
I would highly recommend Charlie if any of you are looking for a mechanic. Charlie is honest and he has great customer service. I take all of my cars to him.
So, cancel the tall order of finding a mechanic. I got one!
Love,
L
MECHANIC NEEDED FOR GIFTS
Okay. Here is the story.
I need a mechanic who is willing to donate his talent and time to work some magic on my cars. I got a new car and instead of trading the cars in or having some random company pick the cars up I REALLY WANT TO GIVE THESE CARS TO FAMILIES WHO DESPERATELY NEED THEM. It is the absolute least I can do to start to give back. You have all given us so much and we are so blessed. We want to bless others.
My 2000 Expedition works well with a few minor problems. My 1998 Suburban works well as long as I jump start it each time. It has a new battery in it and new cables. I am not sure what is causing the issue.
I know that someone has got to know someone who can help to make this possible. I do not think it will take that much work to get these cars to the families.
I would tell you who the cars are going to but I also want to protect their privacy. Let's just say that the vehicles are going to people who really, really, need them. Gary would be so happy and the boys and I really want to do this.
Let me know if you have a lead on anyone who can help.
xoxo
Lisa
I need a mechanic who is willing to donate his talent and time to work some magic on my cars. I got a new car and instead of trading the cars in or having some random company pick the cars up I REALLY WANT TO GIVE THESE CARS TO FAMILIES WHO DESPERATELY NEED THEM. It is the absolute least I can do to start to give back. You have all given us so much and we are so blessed. We want to bless others.
My 2000 Expedition works well with a few minor problems. My 1998 Suburban works well as long as I jump start it each time. It has a new battery in it and new cables. I am not sure what is causing the issue.
I know that someone has got to know someone who can help to make this possible. I do not think it will take that much work to get these cars to the families.
I would tell you who the cars are going to but I also want to protect their privacy. Let's just say that the vehicles are going to people who really, really, need them. Gary would be so happy and the boys and I really want to do this.
Let me know if you have a lead on anyone who can help.
xoxo
Lisa
Monday, March 23, 2009
Monday, March 23
Dog Poo. I am sick and tired of dog poo. I could seriously devote this entire entry to doggy diarrhea. Hobie gets into Hurley's food - diarrhea. Hurley eats Hobie's food - diarrhea. On my carpet. On the concrete outside. Seemingly everywhere I turn. Ok, I am not an idiot. I do try and separate the dogs when they are eating. However, with 3 kids calling my name and the phone ringing I sometimes lose track of the dogs. I have been looking at this spot on my carpet now for 2 days trying to figure out how to get the stain out. It's exhausting and DISGUSTING!
So, I have not had a computer for a few days. The dogs got up on our kitchen table and pulled the cord out of the computer and knocked over my drink. I got an appointment at the Genius Bar today and they took the computer apart and fixed it right there on the spot for zero dinero! I know you are wondering why the dogs were on the table. Who the heck knows! I do know that Hobie is the ring leader BUT Hurley must bring out that mischevious side of Hobie. Bad but daring dogs!
For those of you who only have a PC - first let me to tell how sorry I am. Next, when my computer has issues (which are few and far between - 2X in 5 years to be exact) I get to have a live person who speaks english and does not live in India fix my computer. You all know what I am talking about. "Hello. My name is Ed. I am located in the Ohio Call Center. How may I help you?" (Come on. Say it with the accent.) You know it's true and that is what makes it so darn funny. With a Mac, no fuss, no muss. Shear perfection! Love my computer.
Zach went to Big Bear and went snowboarding all day today with Matt for his birthday. They had a great time. Zach got some air off of a rail or box or something and fell fairly hard on his tailbone. He is still complaining. At least he and Matt didn't break any arms, wrists or legs.
Nate and Jax took a personal day today as well and they slept in and we went to lunch at Rubys. We had to go to Smart & Final for the snackbar and our friend Ron, who owns Audiofonix, took a look at my car to see what back up camera I need as well as a DVD player for the boys.
Nate went to a birthday party for a better part of the day and had a great time. He has been so sweet and loving. The boys and I had to come to an understanding about the way we treat eachother. We have had loads of complaining and fighting and pestering and bitching and teasing and so much more. We are now focused on trying to get along and really be supportive of eachother. We shall see how long it lasts.
Spring Break is coming. I have nothing planned with the exception of some baseball. We are going to sleep in and we might even stay in our jammies all day one day.
The boys are doing well in baseball and our church is hanging in through the recession. It is hard living in our area because we do not see the full effects of the recession sometimes. When I am running to the mall or going out to dinner it always feels crowded to me. I know people are cutting back as we all should. I hope our economy bounces back sooner than later. No more pay cuts or job losses.
Laundry is going. Dishes are in the sink and I am way too lazy to wash them. It was either dishes or blog. I couldn't let you down! Dancing With The Stars is on. Diarrhea stain still there staring me in the face. I want it to just go away. Remember I told you that I don't do poo. Yuck! Cream carpet sucks. That is why I have black leather interior in my car. I am half tempted to hire someone to come and clean the stain. That just sounds so awful but it makes my stomach turn.
I am starting to do daily devotionals with the boys each morning. It is something I have wanted to do again because when we did that each day it was just a great way to start our day off. The kids are reminded exactly Who created them and hopefully WHY they are here!
Love to you all,
L
So, I have not had a computer for a few days. The dogs got up on our kitchen table and pulled the cord out of the computer and knocked over my drink. I got an appointment at the Genius Bar today and they took the computer apart and fixed it right there on the spot for zero dinero! I know you are wondering why the dogs were on the table. Who the heck knows! I do know that Hobie is the ring leader BUT Hurley must bring out that mischevious side of Hobie. Bad but daring dogs!
For those of you who only have a PC - first let me to tell how sorry I am. Next, when my computer has issues (which are few and far between - 2X in 5 years to be exact) I get to have a live person who speaks english and does not live in India fix my computer. You all know what I am talking about. "Hello. My name is Ed. I am located in the Ohio Call Center. How may I help you?" (Come on. Say it with the accent.) You know it's true and that is what makes it so darn funny. With a Mac, no fuss, no muss. Shear perfection! Love my computer.
Zach went to Big Bear and went snowboarding all day today with Matt for his birthday. They had a great time. Zach got some air off of a rail or box or something and fell fairly hard on his tailbone. He is still complaining. At least he and Matt didn't break any arms, wrists or legs.
Nate and Jax took a personal day today as well and they slept in and we went to lunch at Rubys. We had to go to Smart & Final for the snackbar and our friend Ron, who owns Audiofonix, took a look at my car to see what back up camera I need as well as a DVD player for the boys.
Nate went to a birthday party for a better part of the day and had a great time. He has been so sweet and loving. The boys and I had to come to an understanding about the way we treat eachother. We have had loads of complaining and fighting and pestering and bitching and teasing and so much more. We are now focused on trying to get along and really be supportive of eachother. We shall see how long it lasts.
Spring Break is coming. I have nothing planned with the exception of some baseball. We are going to sleep in and we might even stay in our jammies all day one day.
The boys are doing well in baseball and our church is hanging in through the recession. It is hard living in our area because we do not see the full effects of the recession sometimes. When I am running to the mall or going out to dinner it always feels crowded to me. I know people are cutting back as we all should. I hope our economy bounces back sooner than later. No more pay cuts or job losses.
Laundry is going. Dishes are in the sink and I am way too lazy to wash them. It was either dishes or blog. I couldn't let you down! Dancing With The Stars is on. Diarrhea stain still there staring me in the face. I want it to just go away. Remember I told you that I don't do poo. Yuck! Cream carpet sucks. That is why I have black leather interior in my car. I am half tempted to hire someone to come and clean the stain. That just sounds so awful but it makes my stomach turn.
I am starting to do daily devotionals with the boys each morning. It is something I have wanted to do again because when we did that each day it was just a great way to start our day off. The kids are reminded exactly Who created them and hopefully WHY they are here!
Love to you all,
L
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