Posts
I thought I had better blog this morning because today will get away from me and it will be 1 AM before I know it and I will be too stinkin tired!
Our boys are chomping at the bit to reserve a copy of Super Smash Brothers Brawl for the Wii! They have $100.00 of saved up cashflow and today I have promised them that I will reserve a copy for them! They will just have to patiently wait until March 9th to get the game!
I have a funny story about Hoag to tell you. As it was infuriating it was also funny! Malcolm and I wheeled Gary downstairs yesterday and I handed the Valet my ticket. Go figure that the Valet is free but you have to pay for TV! Anyhow, we waited for our car. And waited. And waited. And waited. I am not kidding when I tell you that everyone around us for at least 15-20 minutes were getting into their cars and driving away while we waited. So, Malcolm speaks up and nicely but forcefully asks where the heck my car is. Hmmmmmmmmm......... the guy says. It is a bit of a mystery because we see your car but we don't have your keys. Is this guy for real? I have like 30 keys on my keychain right now. It would be highly unlikely for these guys to have lost those keys. It is times like these where I wish I had the Clapper!
They search everywhere. I tell the guy that I saw him take my keys out of the valet box and put the on the counter. He questions me and tries to make me second guess as to whether or not I REALLY saw him put my keys on the counter. Once again, I am blond but NOT stupid. I know what I saw!
So, where did the keys go you are asking yourself??? Malcolm says to the guys after they had been chasing their tails for 10 minutes or so - Did you look on the counter? ...........................................................There they were. They had fallen behind the counter and were shoved in a corner. Poor Gary. Malcolm had wheeled him back into the hospital while we were waiting and we both felt like the parking gods were trying to keep Gary longer! But nothing could have kept us there! Gary was coming home!
As much as we loved everyone who cared for Gary is is such a relief to have Gary back home! We will still get to see Rose who wheeled Gary into radiation every day. We love her! She has been an angel sent from above for Gary.
It is so wonderful to come home to him on the couch. The Overseers from our church came over last night to pray with Gary and that is truly a blessing. We are so fortunate to be a part of our church family. They have been sooooooo supportive and to have 6 men come to our house with the soul purpose of praying with Gary is awesome.
My Mom is leaving today and Gary and I will drop her at the airport on our way to radiation. She has been so helpful and she loves our boys so much and she is always a blessing! She will be back in 2 weeks and then my Dad will join her and be here over the boys Spring Break! Auntie Robin will be here Sunday and Gary's parents will be here Sunday as well. Steph will come over to stay with all 3 boys today as they recover from varying sicknesses so we don't have to drag them to radiation! I think they will all be better for Opening Day tomorrow but you never know!
I slept on the couch with Gary last night. We will move into the downstairs bedroom after my Mom leaves and the boys will give Aunt Robin their room, the boys will be in our room and then Gary's folks will have the other guest bedroom upstairs. Musical Bedrooms!
The weather has been beautiful! I hope Gary gets a chance to sit in the backyard and soak up the sun today! Until yesterday he had not been outside in almost a month.
Last night Matt brought him A's Burgers and he ate it! Thank you Matt!
Nate is awake and the others are stirring. I need to get everyone ready and rolling for the day!
Please pray that Gary is comfortable at home.
Pray that the treatment is working and the cancer is being destroyed. I always picture his treatment like a game of Asteroids - for those of you who remember that game. The treatment is the laser gun and the cancer is the pieces of asteroid you try to blast in the game. Visually it is a great way for me to picture that in my mind! The object of the game (as well as the objective we have to completely destroy Gary's cancer) is to beat the game by having a blank screen! WE WANT THE BLANK SCREEN!!!!!
Have a great Friday and I will blog again on SUNDAY to give you a report!
Love,
L
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
What We Have Been Waiting For
DRUM ROLL PLEASE .....................................
Gary is finally coming home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He should be home by 3 PM Thursday afternoon. We are overjoyed and super excited! Jax talked about it all afternoon. He claps and jumps up and down and yells Daddy's coming home! Daddy's coming home!!
I went to the hospital today and gave Gary his final hospital shower and removed the hundreds of cards and posters that adorned Room 828. Todd and I got everything packed up and only a few vases and a basket and his going home clothes remain in his room.
It is hard to believe that he really is coming home! The doctors are pleased with his progress with pain management and we hope that the decreasing pain is a combination of the right drugs, the nerve block and the cancer dying out!
My friend Sam came to see me today and she brought her Bible and we discussed the story in Mark about the paralytic who was lowered down from the rafters by his friends just to see Jesus.
In many ways Gary is the paralytic man and everyone who has prayed for him and placed him at the threshhold of the Lord has truly lowered him through the roof just as it is told in Mark. You continue to gather around him and around our family and lift us up in your prayers and love us through this time. How blessed we are to have friends and family like all of you! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!
All 3 boys are down & out. Nate got sick tonight and Jax is the only one who has eaten anything. Our poor boys. It is awful to feel yucky!
Little League Opening Day is Saturday and our snack bar is almost ready. So many people put in grueling hours to make sure everything is as perfect as it can be for our community. It is amazing what a small army of people can do who share the same goal. We are excited for Opening Day and even more excited that Gary will be there - wheelchair and all!
I have to get back to computer work so I must go.
Besides, I missed an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker and I need to catch up.
Pray that Gary comes home with no complications.
Pray that he is relaxed and ready for us to care for him.
Pray that the drugs stop making him jittery and tense and that his speech improves (he is stuttering a little from the methadone). Heavy duty pain meds are really awful drugs.
Pray that the boys feels better NOW!
Zach has a fever, vomiting, strep and scarlett fever and a double ear infection.
Nate has a high fever and nothing else - yet!
Jax has a high fever and is just not eating very much.
What is next I ask myself??? I pray that they don't vomit in the middle of the night! I do not do throw up!
Good Night and Sweet Dreams and Praise God Gary is coming home!
Lisa
Gary is finally coming home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He should be home by 3 PM Thursday afternoon. We are overjoyed and super excited! Jax talked about it all afternoon. He claps and jumps up and down and yells Daddy's coming home! Daddy's coming home!!
I went to the hospital today and gave Gary his final hospital shower and removed the hundreds of cards and posters that adorned Room 828. Todd and I got everything packed up and only a few vases and a basket and his going home clothes remain in his room.
It is hard to believe that he really is coming home! The doctors are pleased with his progress with pain management and we hope that the decreasing pain is a combination of the right drugs, the nerve block and the cancer dying out!
My friend Sam came to see me today and she brought her Bible and we discussed the story in Mark about the paralytic who was lowered down from the rafters by his friends just to see Jesus.
In many ways Gary is the paralytic man and everyone who has prayed for him and placed him at the threshhold of the Lord has truly lowered him through the roof just as it is told in Mark. You continue to gather around him and around our family and lift us up in your prayers and love us through this time. How blessed we are to have friends and family like all of you! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!
All 3 boys are down & out. Nate got sick tonight and Jax is the only one who has eaten anything. Our poor boys. It is awful to feel yucky!
Little League Opening Day is Saturday and our snack bar is almost ready. So many people put in grueling hours to make sure everything is as perfect as it can be for our community. It is amazing what a small army of people can do who share the same goal. We are excited for Opening Day and even more excited that Gary will be there - wheelchair and all!
I have to get back to computer work so I must go.
Besides, I missed an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker and I need to catch up.
Pray that Gary comes home with no complications.
Pray that he is relaxed and ready for us to care for him.
Pray that the drugs stop making him jittery and tense and that his speech improves (he is stuttering a little from the methadone). Heavy duty pain meds are really awful drugs.
Pray that the boys feels better NOW!
Zach has a fever, vomiting, strep and scarlett fever and a double ear infection.
Nate has a high fever and nothing else - yet!
Jax has a high fever and is just not eating very much.
What is next I ask myself??? I pray that they don't vomit in the middle of the night! I do not do throw up!
Good Night and Sweet Dreams and Praise God Gary is coming home!
Lisa
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
TUESDAY February 26
Good Evening.
Quick update:
Gary is doing very well. There is talk of him coming home in the next week. :)
His pain seems to be under control with oral medications and the nerve block.
He will have chemo tomorrow.
Gary's parents will be here this week some time.
My Mom leaves Friday. :(
Zach has an ear infection and will go to the doctor tomorrow.
Zach also spent the entire day throwing up and had a high fever.
Jax went to bed with 102 fever tonight.
Nate is good - so far!
I spent 1 1/2 hours at Social Security office today - YIPPEE!
I did not get to see Gary today :( :( :(
I worked on getting all of the curriculum ready for the weekend at church.
The snack bar is moving along for little league.
Hobie had a bath today.
I am going to bed!
Love, Lisa
Quick update:
Gary is doing very well. There is talk of him coming home in the next week. :)
His pain seems to be under control with oral medications and the nerve block.
He will have chemo tomorrow.
Gary's parents will be here this week some time.
My Mom leaves Friday. :(
Zach has an ear infection and will go to the doctor tomorrow.
Zach also spent the entire day throwing up and had a high fever.
Jax went to bed with 102 fever tonight.
Nate is good - so far!
I spent 1 1/2 hours at Social Security office today - YIPPEE!
I did not get to see Gary today :( :( :(
I worked on getting all of the curriculum ready for the weekend at church.
The snack bar is moving along for little league.
Hobie had a bath today.
I am going to bed!
Love, Lisa
Monday, February 25, 2008
Monday Madness
Madness is a little heavy but nonetheless my Monday was C R A Z Y!!!
Gary seems to be doing well and will have chemo tomorrow. His counts are up and his hemoglobin is holding around 10.0 (normal is 12.0 to 16.0).
Gary is oficially off of the Dilaudid drip (2nd attempt) and the doc is giving him Dilaudid pills for the breakthrough. He has upped his Methadone so we will see how well he does. I am not able to spend the night with him tonight because I needed to be home with Zachary so I won't know how he does overnight. He looked great tonight and his pain level was a 5 which is better than it has been in 4 months!
Oh Zachary...................what a long day with Zachary. I got a call at the hospital this morning at 6:45 AM (I can't even sleep in at the hospital)! He was crying and complaining of a terrible headache. He stayed home from school and I got home around Noon. He had 2 rounds of Tylenol and was asking for more. So, I started thinking about Zach's TARGET practice on Thursday. Zach seems to be a TARGET on the baseball field and as he was fielding a ground ball during practice the ball took a hop and hit him square between the eyes. For those of you who do not know Zach's history - basically he has a BULLSEYE on his forehead.
When his headache persisted I came to the conclusion that he needed to be checked out so that we could make sure that no damage had been done this time or during previous bouts with concussions.
We went to Hoag so that when we were done we could see Gary and bring his some dinner. After Zach has a CT Scan we came back to his room and his headache got worse and his ears were bright red. Low and behold he had 101 fever. Zach has the full blown flu - body aches, chills, fever and a stomach ache.
Back to his head. His head is fine from the beatings of baseball but they discovered a small cyst in his brain. The cyst is nothing to worry about and the neurosurgeon came to look at the film and told us that it is completely unthreatening and in fact it is very common in boys and men. I guess most people don't know they have them because they never have a reason to have a CT on their brain. Praise God because when the doctor came in and said, "Everything looks great as far as head injuries but we did find......................" My heart sank just a little until I heard cyst then I relaxed. I think God knows there is lots on my plate right now. Thank you God!
We went to see Gary and we looked like a couple of masked bandits! I wore the mask just like Zach did so that he didn't feel totally lame! We had a short visit with Gary and had to leave because Zach felt so awful. He is in bed next to me and he still feels terrible. Needless to say he will not be going to school tomorrow.
Nate and Jax had a great evening with Gay and my Mom. Thank God they are so incredibly easy going.
Thank you to everyone who is giving blood. We need either O+ or O- blood and you can call 764-5621 to donate at Hoag in Gary's name.
The doctors would like to see Gary come home by Sunday so we will shoot for that day! If it does not happen then so be it. Each day is its own and we never know from day to day what will be so I guess PRAY FOR GARY TO COME HOME BY SUNDAY!
Pray that this round of chemo doesn't make him super sick. We know his counts will drop and expect that but it would be nice if we could keep him from having too many other side effects.
Pray for ALL the people who love us and surround us and support us and care for us! This is a pretty BIG group of people so you can include everyone in 1 prayer :) !
We love you all and thank you for remaining so close to us through this trial!
Love, Lisa
Gary seems to be doing well and will have chemo tomorrow. His counts are up and his hemoglobin is holding around 10.0 (normal is 12.0 to 16.0).
Gary is oficially off of the Dilaudid drip (2nd attempt) and the doc is giving him Dilaudid pills for the breakthrough. He has upped his Methadone so we will see how well he does. I am not able to spend the night with him tonight because I needed to be home with Zachary so I won't know how he does overnight. He looked great tonight and his pain level was a 5 which is better than it has been in 4 months!
Oh Zachary...................what a long day with Zachary. I got a call at the hospital this morning at 6:45 AM (I can't even sleep in at the hospital)! He was crying and complaining of a terrible headache. He stayed home from school and I got home around Noon. He had 2 rounds of Tylenol and was asking for more. So, I started thinking about Zach's TARGET practice on Thursday. Zach seems to be a TARGET on the baseball field and as he was fielding a ground ball during practice the ball took a hop and hit him square between the eyes. For those of you who do not know Zach's history - basically he has a BULLSEYE on his forehead.
When his headache persisted I came to the conclusion that he needed to be checked out so that we could make sure that no damage had been done this time or during previous bouts with concussions.
We went to Hoag so that when we were done we could see Gary and bring his some dinner. After Zach has a CT Scan we came back to his room and his headache got worse and his ears were bright red. Low and behold he had 101 fever. Zach has the full blown flu - body aches, chills, fever and a stomach ache.
Back to his head. His head is fine from the beatings of baseball but they discovered a small cyst in his brain. The cyst is nothing to worry about and the neurosurgeon came to look at the film and told us that it is completely unthreatening and in fact it is very common in boys and men. I guess most people don't know they have them because they never have a reason to have a CT on their brain. Praise God because when the doctor came in and said, "Everything looks great as far as head injuries but we did find......................" My heart sank just a little until I heard cyst then I relaxed. I think God knows there is lots on my plate right now. Thank you God!
We went to see Gary and we looked like a couple of masked bandits! I wore the mask just like Zach did so that he didn't feel totally lame! We had a short visit with Gary and had to leave because Zach felt so awful. He is in bed next to me and he still feels terrible. Needless to say he will not be going to school tomorrow.
Nate and Jax had a great evening with Gay and my Mom. Thank God they are so incredibly easy going.
Thank you to everyone who is giving blood. We need either O+ or O- blood and you can call 764-5621 to donate at Hoag in Gary's name.
The doctors would like to see Gary come home by Sunday so we will shoot for that day! If it does not happen then so be it. Each day is its own and we never know from day to day what will be so I guess PRAY FOR GARY TO COME HOME BY SUNDAY!
Pray that this round of chemo doesn't make him super sick. We know his counts will drop and expect that but it would be nice if we could keep him from having too many other side effects.
Pray for ALL the people who love us and surround us and support us and care for us! This is a pretty BIG group of people so you can include everyone in 1 prayer :) !
We love you all and thank you for remaining so close to us through this trial!
Love, Lisa
Friday, February 22, 2008
FRIDAY Night
It is 2:25 AM and I am in Gary’s hospital room. I came up to spend the night with him because I missed him and also because I am leaving for camp tomorrow afternoon.
The XRAY technician is here and has just finished up with Gary. I was dozing off around an hour ago. We were up because Gary has a fever (around 102) and Dr. Barth ordered blood cultures to see if Gary has an infection in his blood.
The XRAY guy was here because as I was dozing off I woke up to see Gary going into the bathroom, lose his balance, scream and go crashing to the ground.
I ran to the nurses station and had a stampede of nurses and aides running behind me back to the room. Gary was alert but in pain. Thank God his left shoulder hit the toilet because that broke his fall. Hopefully nothing is broken but if it is it would be much better for it to be his shoulder (the same one he broke during the church softball game) then his hip or leg!
I am just so thankful that I was spending the night tonight. Now Gary can’t get out of bed by himself because they set his bed alarm! Ha! That will teach him!
Dr. Barth came in tonight while I was here. He is such a wonderful doctor. Here is how I can explain him to all of you so that you can get a fairly decent picture of the man who is caring for our Gary.
Dr. Barth is Chief of Staff here at Hoag. I can’t even fathom his work schedule. Everyone wants a piece of him all the time. He has come in to see Gary well after midnight on occasion.
He is very articulate in his speech. He is so intelligent and as hard as he tries to explain things so that we can understand it is still hard to understand him. Not having gone through medical school and not having 30 years of experience puts us at a disadvantage immediately. He does not intentionally try to make things difficult to understand. It is merely who he is and we both have a great respect for him. After all, we are entrusting Gary’s life to him.
He is an incredibly compassionate man. Not in what he says but how he acts. When he is in the room you can tell that he deeply cares about Gary. He is focused on Gary and he wants to listen to Gary. He wants to know how Gary is and he wants to make a difference for Gary. When leaving the room he not only shakes Gary’s hand but holds on a little longer and gives him a squeeze. It makes me feel so good knowing he is very involved with Gary’s care.
Gary had a nerve block today. The purpose of the block is to hopefully help alleviate some of the pain in Gary’s sciatica. So far, there has been little improvement but we need to give it some time to work.
Gary had another transfusion tonight. He has 7 units of blood left in the bank. Next week we will need more people to donate who are 0 + or 0 -. I will make a separate blog entry with all the information.
The pain doctor changed Gary’s pain meds to methadone today. He is still jerking a little and hallucinating and reaching and dreaming but maybe this new drug will react differently in his system. Only time will tell.
Gary has had some new visitors. His friend from Hemet came in today and surprised him as well as his sister from Missouri and his brother who lives in Washington. His brother and sister will be here for a few days.
It has been a long night and I am sure the next 2 nights will be just as long at camp. I will have 10 girls in my cabin who are 10-12 years old. They are all great girls and I am looking forward to being with them this weekend!
We love you all and thank you for everything. I feel like I never say thank you but I think about thanking all of you ALL OF THE TIME! I wish you all really knew how thankful we are for the love and support you give us. There really are no words. I mean that. No words could ever make you know how we feel.
Gary’s room is full of love. All the nurses and doctors say that when they come into his room it feels like home. What a compliment! Your cards and well wishes and pictures and photos mean so much to Gary. All the cards from neighbors and friends and family members of people we don’t even know first hand! We get mail from all over the USA and we love reading notes and scripture and the encouraging words!
God certainly made a special man when he created Gary. Gary embodies love and peace and kindness and patience and sweetness and faithfulness and so many other characteristics. He is my hero! I thank God for my husband who is this amazing father to his 3 little boys!
Prayer for our family right now would be awesome. Gary’s spirits are a bit low today. He is not depressed but I woke up this morning to him being extremely groggy and out of it. We is definitely overmedicated with the methadone. Dr. Gluzman is decreasing it so that we can see how Gary does.
His shoulder is not broken but his chest XRAY is showing some congestion. The nurses need to work really hard to make sure Gary does not develop pneumonia!
I am off to camp! Pray for our safe travels as we go to Forest Home. Pray for kids lives to be changed this weekend and for new friendships to develop!
Be safe!
Love, L
The XRAY technician is here and has just finished up with Gary. I was dozing off around an hour ago. We were up because Gary has a fever (around 102) and Dr. Barth ordered blood cultures to see if Gary has an infection in his blood.
The XRAY guy was here because as I was dozing off I woke up to see Gary going into the bathroom, lose his balance, scream and go crashing to the ground.
I ran to the nurses station and had a stampede of nurses and aides running behind me back to the room. Gary was alert but in pain. Thank God his left shoulder hit the toilet because that broke his fall. Hopefully nothing is broken but if it is it would be much better for it to be his shoulder (the same one he broke during the church softball game) then his hip or leg!
I am just so thankful that I was spending the night tonight. Now Gary can’t get out of bed by himself because they set his bed alarm! Ha! That will teach him!
Dr. Barth came in tonight while I was here. He is such a wonderful doctor. Here is how I can explain him to all of you so that you can get a fairly decent picture of the man who is caring for our Gary.
Dr. Barth is Chief of Staff here at Hoag. I can’t even fathom his work schedule. Everyone wants a piece of him all the time. He has come in to see Gary well after midnight on occasion.
He is very articulate in his speech. He is so intelligent and as hard as he tries to explain things so that we can understand it is still hard to understand him. Not having gone through medical school and not having 30 years of experience puts us at a disadvantage immediately. He does not intentionally try to make things difficult to understand. It is merely who he is and we both have a great respect for him. After all, we are entrusting Gary’s life to him.
He is an incredibly compassionate man. Not in what he says but how he acts. When he is in the room you can tell that he deeply cares about Gary. He is focused on Gary and he wants to listen to Gary. He wants to know how Gary is and he wants to make a difference for Gary. When leaving the room he not only shakes Gary’s hand but holds on a little longer and gives him a squeeze. It makes me feel so good knowing he is very involved with Gary’s care.
Gary had a nerve block today. The purpose of the block is to hopefully help alleviate some of the pain in Gary’s sciatica. So far, there has been little improvement but we need to give it some time to work.
Gary had another transfusion tonight. He has 7 units of blood left in the bank. Next week we will need more people to donate who are 0 + or 0 -. I will make a separate blog entry with all the information.
The pain doctor changed Gary’s pain meds to methadone today. He is still jerking a little and hallucinating and reaching and dreaming but maybe this new drug will react differently in his system. Only time will tell.
Gary has had some new visitors. His friend from Hemet came in today and surprised him as well as his sister from Missouri and his brother who lives in Washington. His brother and sister will be here for a few days.
It has been a long night and I am sure the next 2 nights will be just as long at camp. I will have 10 girls in my cabin who are 10-12 years old. They are all great girls and I am looking forward to being with them this weekend!
We love you all and thank you for everything. I feel like I never say thank you but I think about thanking all of you ALL OF THE TIME! I wish you all really knew how thankful we are for the love and support you give us. There really are no words. I mean that. No words could ever make you know how we feel.
Gary’s room is full of love. All the nurses and doctors say that when they come into his room it feels like home. What a compliment! Your cards and well wishes and pictures and photos mean so much to Gary. All the cards from neighbors and friends and family members of people we don’t even know first hand! We get mail from all over the USA and we love reading notes and scripture and the encouraging words!
God certainly made a special man when he created Gary. Gary embodies love and peace and kindness and patience and sweetness and faithfulness and so many other characteristics. He is my hero! I thank God for my husband who is this amazing father to his 3 little boys!
Prayer for our family right now would be awesome. Gary’s spirits are a bit low today. He is not depressed but I woke up this morning to him being extremely groggy and out of it. We is definitely overmedicated with the methadone. Dr. Gluzman is decreasing it so that we can see how Gary does.
His shoulder is not broken but his chest XRAY is showing some congestion. The nurses need to work really hard to make sure Gary does not develop pneumonia!
I am off to camp! Pray for our safe travels as we go to Forest Home. Pray for kids lives to be changed this weekend and for new friendships to develop!
Be safe!
Love, L
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Thursday
So, Jax and I got to spend the evening with Gary at the hospital tonight. Our little league was having a seminar on Positive Parent involvement in our league but I had already attended the workshop and I had not seen Gary at all. Besides, Jax has not had any 1 or 1 time with Gary and it was really a great night! Jax and I both got in bed with Gary and we all snuggled. Gary ate Pick Up Stix and Jax had Macaroni Grill. I had a yummy Jamba juice. It was a smorgasbord (is that how you spell that?) of culinary delights!
Gary was hanging in there tonight. We are having a problem with one of his medications. Anything having to do with morphine gives Gary some side effects that are yucky. The morphine gives him hallucinations and makes his body jerk and he is confused and has short term memory loss. Despite all of those things, we both think his pain control is getting better and our pain management guy can always change that morphine to another opiate like methadone.
Gary is on a drug called Lyrica and it is used to block nerves. As they up the dose he seems to be in less pain. Pray that these new drugs can give him relief and get him home!
Gary's white cells are down a little. His platelets are still really down but like I mentioned before this is all par for the course with cancer treatment. He is due to have chemo this weekend and Zach and I are going to Winter Camp at Forest Home on Friday and we will not be home until Sunday. We will miss Gary but I think I will need to drive my car to camp just in case I will need to leave.
You know, I have a thought. I realize that sometimes it is dangerous when I think but here goes.
We get discouraged with Gary's pain meds and we want so badly for him to be coherent and "mentally active". We are working so hard to achieve that BUT maybe that is not what Gary needs right now. Gary sits in a hospital room day after day faced with a diagnosis that is far from promising. He knows his odds and he knows how bad the cancer is and he is in pain all of the time. He has rashes from radiation. His taste buds are jacked. He has fevers and fatigue. He is taking 15 differnt medications. He has a hard time readjusting himself in bed. It is painful to walk and the food at Hoag is so-so at best! I am serious when I tell you that he never complains.
I don't know about you but when I don't feel good I am usually not in a very happy mood. I had pneumonia when I was PG with Jax and I WAS MISERABLE! SO INCREDIBLY MISERABLE! It was a very difficult time for me. Then, I get a reality check when I think about Gary. The loudness of my complaints fades away as I think about how trivial my pneumonia was compared to Gary's cancer.
Maybe it is good for Gary's mental state to be a little doped up and confused and out of it. Maybe these drugs numb his brain and keep him from dwelling on his condition. Maybe the drugs allow him to have the positive attitude and outlook he has now. Maybe a high husband is a happy husband! Maybe the fact that we have had such a hard time managing his pain is all part of God's plan for us. Maybe he is protecting Gary's mind for now.
Despite everything Garyendures and everything our family is going through I really do love our life. Our days are hard and sometimes grueling and awful and frustrating and scary but at the end of each day we have love. We love our LORD who is faithful and ever present. We love eachother so much. We have the love our family and friends. We love our church and homegroup. We love our school and our Little League and our community. We love giving back and volunteering our time. I love helping with the snackbar. We love working with kids in Kids Ministry and sharing our love of the Lord with so many kids each week!
Another thought but this one is a deep thought. I know I'm blonde but get ready! This is Jack Handy deep!
I REALLY EMBRACE THIS and believe it with all my heart.
You can't worry about tomorrow. Did you know that most of the things we worry about that could potentially affect us in the future never happen and then we wasted all that time and energy being negative and worrying over the "potential" nothing? God does not want us to worry about things we have no control over.
You can't stress over yesterday because is has "past". We can only move forward from each yesterday.
The only alternative to being healthy in body and mind and spirit is to live in the here and now. We must take one day at a time and cherish everything in that day. Each day is a gift and that is probably why it is called the "present".
Back to loving our life. Gary is a HUGE part of who I am but his existence is not the only thing that defines who I am. He is my everything and my best friend and confidant and the love of my life. I love him with every fiber of my being. He is truly a gift from God just as our kids are. I don't know exactly what I am trying to convey to you other than to say that you can't rely on a person to define your existence. No one person can truly give you all of your happiness and joy and they shouldn't have to. You have to find your own happiness and you own purpose for living and loving!
Tonight I saw Gary look at Jax a little differently than he has recently. He wasn't looking at him and thinking how cute he is or how fun he is or how glad he is to see him. He was looking at him in a deeper and more profound way tonight. When I asked him how he was doing he told me that he was feeling reflective tonight. I can't even begin to imagine wat goes through Gary's mind. I do know that even if he truly is in a good place he needs serious prayer to stay in that good place.
Pray that his conacer goes away and never returns!
Pray for Gary to stay positive.
Pray for everyone who continues to touch our lives.
Pray for me to be able to get through every day that is frustrating and harsh with grace and patience and peace.
Pray that God opens doors where they would normally be shut.
Pray that I am always doing the things that will bring glory to God.
I know. I know. Long blog. Whatever. I did not intend it to be so long winded. I could keep going with the comedy of errors I lived through today. Dead battery, jumped battery, dead battery, Walmart (always joyful! :( ), 1 hour of waiting for battery, AIS, spilled diet coke all over, smog test failed due to battery replacement that no one tlold me I couldn't do before a smog test and I could go on and on. But , won't because it is 1:06 AM on Thursday AM.
Sorry if I was scattered. I am tired you know! :)
Good night everyone!
Love, L
Gary was hanging in there tonight. We are having a problem with one of his medications. Anything having to do with morphine gives Gary some side effects that are yucky. The morphine gives him hallucinations and makes his body jerk and he is confused and has short term memory loss. Despite all of those things, we both think his pain control is getting better and our pain management guy can always change that morphine to another opiate like methadone.
Gary is on a drug called Lyrica and it is used to block nerves. As they up the dose he seems to be in less pain. Pray that these new drugs can give him relief and get him home!
Gary's white cells are down a little. His platelets are still really down but like I mentioned before this is all par for the course with cancer treatment. He is due to have chemo this weekend and Zach and I are going to Winter Camp at Forest Home on Friday and we will not be home until Sunday. We will miss Gary but I think I will need to drive my car to camp just in case I will need to leave.
You know, I have a thought. I realize that sometimes it is dangerous when I think but here goes.
We get discouraged with Gary's pain meds and we want so badly for him to be coherent and "mentally active". We are working so hard to achieve that BUT maybe that is not what Gary needs right now. Gary sits in a hospital room day after day faced with a diagnosis that is far from promising. He knows his odds and he knows how bad the cancer is and he is in pain all of the time. He has rashes from radiation. His taste buds are jacked. He has fevers and fatigue. He is taking 15 differnt medications. He has a hard time readjusting himself in bed. It is painful to walk and the food at Hoag is so-so at best! I am serious when I tell you that he never complains.
I don't know about you but when I don't feel good I am usually not in a very happy mood. I had pneumonia when I was PG with Jax and I WAS MISERABLE! SO INCREDIBLY MISERABLE! It was a very difficult time for me. Then, I get a reality check when I think about Gary. The loudness of my complaints fades away as I think about how trivial my pneumonia was compared to Gary's cancer.
Maybe it is good for Gary's mental state to be a little doped up and confused and out of it. Maybe these drugs numb his brain and keep him from dwelling on his condition. Maybe the drugs allow him to have the positive attitude and outlook he has now. Maybe a high husband is a happy husband! Maybe the fact that we have had such a hard time managing his pain is all part of God's plan for us. Maybe he is protecting Gary's mind for now.
Despite everything Garyendures and everything our family is going through I really do love our life. Our days are hard and sometimes grueling and awful and frustrating and scary but at the end of each day we have love. We love our LORD who is faithful and ever present. We love eachother so much. We have the love our family and friends. We love our church and homegroup. We love our school and our Little League and our community. We love giving back and volunteering our time. I love helping with the snackbar. We love working with kids in Kids Ministry and sharing our love of the Lord with so many kids each week!
Another thought but this one is a deep thought. I know I'm blonde but get ready! This is Jack Handy deep!
I REALLY EMBRACE THIS and believe it with all my heart.
You can't worry about tomorrow. Did you know that most of the things we worry about that could potentially affect us in the future never happen and then we wasted all that time and energy being negative and worrying over the "potential" nothing? God does not want us to worry about things we have no control over.
You can't stress over yesterday because is has "past". We can only move forward from each yesterday.
The only alternative to being healthy in body and mind and spirit is to live in the here and now. We must take one day at a time and cherish everything in that day. Each day is a gift and that is probably why it is called the "present".
Back to loving our life. Gary is a HUGE part of who I am but his existence is not the only thing that defines who I am. He is my everything and my best friend and confidant and the love of my life. I love him with every fiber of my being. He is truly a gift from God just as our kids are. I don't know exactly what I am trying to convey to you other than to say that you can't rely on a person to define your existence. No one person can truly give you all of your happiness and joy and they shouldn't have to. You have to find your own happiness and you own purpose for living and loving!
Tonight I saw Gary look at Jax a little differently than he has recently. He wasn't looking at him and thinking how cute he is or how fun he is or how glad he is to see him. He was looking at him in a deeper and more profound way tonight. When I asked him how he was doing he told me that he was feeling reflective tonight. I can't even begin to imagine wat goes through Gary's mind. I do know that even if he truly is in a good place he needs serious prayer to stay in that good place.
Pray that his conacer goes away and never returns!
Pray for Gary to stay positive.
Pray for everyone who continues to touch our lives.
Pray for me to be able to get through every day that is frustrating and harsh with grace and patience and peace.
Pray that God opens doors where they would normally be shut.
Pray that I am always doing the things that will bring glory to God.
I know. I know. Long blog. Whatever. I did not intend it to be so long winded. I could keep going with the comedy of errors I lived through today. Dead battery, jumped battery, dead battery, Walmart (always joyful! :( ), 1 hour of waiting for battery, AIS, spilled diet coke all over, smog test failed due to battery replacement that no one tlold me I couldn't do before a smog test and I could go on and on. But , won't because it is 1:06 AM on Thursday AM.
Sorry if I was scattered. I am tired you know! :)
Good night everyone!
Love, L
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
UPDATE
Good evening.
I will try to make this quick. I am too tired for anything witty or clever tonight.
Today was a long day at the Social Security office, dealing with State disability claims, smog checks, DMV, Advanced Directives and so much other stuff it would make your head spin. Why did the good Lord only make 24 hours in a day?? I need MORE!
Gary was accompanied by a physical therapist and he walked 200 feet today with a walker. That is the most he has walked in a month! I pray this is progress for him.
His red cells are up! His platelets are up for now. His white cells are somewhat normal.
His pain meds are not working the way we need them to work. The morphine makes him "stupid" (those are Gary's words not mine). His body jerks and he hallucinates and does funky things with his arms. Zach and I sometimes laugh at him :)
He ate a double cheeseburger from Micky D's and drank a 32 oz.Orange Dream Jamba Juice. We can get him to drink 1X Jamba Juice a day so Malcolm and I have been picking them up every day for Gary and loading them with protein.
He will have a shower tomorrow again. It is really hard for him and takes so much energy for him to get cleaned up.
He continues with radiation every day and he is due for chemo this weekend.
He never complains and we have LOVED spending the night with him.
God is soooooooo good. Despite everything we are facing I know we both have a peace which transcends human understanding. We (at least I do) go through times of saddness, overwhelming everything feelings, frustration and so many other negative human emotions. I allow myself to feel them then I get back to the way God wants me to be. He wants me to trust him completely and put all of my faith in action as I take the backseat and he chauffers me around! It is hard for me sometimes. I am soooooooo Type A and have control issues (alright, enough of your sneers and "Amen to thats"!)
Enough of me tonight. I am off to fill out more forms for all sorts of exciting medical/financial things. You are probably jealous and you wish you had as many stupid questions to answer as I do! Could some of them be any more repetitive and dumbo? I am thinking probably not.
PLEASE PRAY:
For Gary's treatments to kill the cancer
That Gary heals from this battle.
For our family and the unity of our family.
For Strength
For all of the people who help us and pray for us and care and love us!
PRAISE that God is always there
For a good night's sleep for Gary and for me!
Love, L
I will try to make this quick. I am too tired for anything witty or clever tonight.
Today was a long day at the Social Security office, dealing with State disability claims, smog checks, DMV, Advanced Directives and so much other stuff it would make your head spin. Why did the good Lord only make 24 hours in a day?? I need MORE!
Gary was accompanied by a physical therapist and he walked 200 feet today with a walker. That is the most he has walked in a month! I pray this is progress for him.
His red cells are up! His platelets are up for now. His white cells are somewhat normal.
His pain meds are not working the way we need them to work. The morphine makes him "stupid" (those are Gary's words not mine). His body jerks and he hallucinates and does funky things with his arms. Zach and I sometimes laugh at him :)
He ate a double cheeseburger from Micky D's and drank a 32 oz.Orange Dream Jamba Juice. We can get him to drink 1X Jamba Juice a day so Malcolm and I have been picking them up every day for Gary and loading them with protein.
He will have a shower tomorrow again. It is really hard for him and takes so much energy for him to get cleaned up.
He continues with radiation every day and he is due for chemo this weekend.
He never complains and we have LOVED spending the night with him.
God is soooooooo good. Despite everything we are facing I know we both have a peace which transcends human understanding. We (at least I do) go through times of saddness, overwhelming everything feelings, frustration and so many other negative human emotions. I allow myself to feel them then I get back to the way God wants me to be. He wants me to trust him completely and put all of my faith in action as I take the backseat and he chauffers me around! It is hard for me sometimes. I am soooooooo Type A and have control issues (alright, enough of your sneers and "Amen to thats"!)
Enough of me tonight. I am off to fill out more forms for all sorts of exciting medical/financial things. You are probably jealous and you wish you had as many stupid questions to answer as I do! Could some of them be any more repetitive and dumbo? I am thinking probably not.
PLEASE PRAY:
For Gary's treatments to kill the cancer
That Gary heals from this battle.
For our family and the unity of our family.
For Strength
For all of the people who help us and pray for us and care and love us!
PRAISE that God is always there
For a good night's sleep for Gary and for me!
Love, L
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