February 7th

Well. It will be official tomorrow that Gary and I now have a 9 year old son! We were talking about when we first brought Zach home and he was so super tiny with his teeny feet and his mouth that was all drawn up low a bow. His newborn cry was music to our ears and we thought it was so cute when he would sit in his highchair and throw food on the ground! It was so difficult at that time to imagine him being 5 and in kindergarten let alone being 9 and in 3rd grade!

Now, his tiny little feet are as big as mine (and I wear an 8) and his mouth - well, it is never shut so I can't tell if it still draws up into a bow or not! His "cute" newborn cry is gone and has been replaced deep thoughts and intelligent reasoning. He no longer throws his food but it manages to still get all over the floor somehow!

Zach is such a wonderful boy full of life and compassion and ambition and he is a great brother, friend, nephew, grandson and of course son. We are so proud of our Zach! Happy Birthday to him!

I have had a few very challenging days this week. Last night was a rough night for me. I really did feel like someone beat me with a baseball bat! I have not been sleeping as well as I had been before (when Gary is in bed with me). Driving back and forth a few times a day is grueling and I have had the kids shipped off in all different directions each day.

By all accounts, I have always been "super woman". Gary tells me that I am and most of the time I always feel like I can get anything and everything done. For one of the first times in my life I am running behind a little! But the things that pile up like dishes and laundry, a dirty car and cleaning bathrooms and floors are unfortunately not going anywhere so it all can wait and I refuse to allow it to frustrate me or cause me angst. It is really hard to let go of my Type A personality.

Gary is hanging in there. He thinks he might feel a little better and stronger right now. We are hoping and praying that the radiation and chemo are working together to shrink and kill the nasty cancer cells! He should be getting chemo tomorrow and he will have his 5th day of radiation as well. Radiation makes him extremely fatigued and he struggles to keep both eyes open most of the time. Yesterday he sat up in bed for a while and stretched his legs and he made it to the foot of his bed to do some squats. He has been eating food we are all bringing into him because the food at Hoag is more than disgusting. I think he is making some progress!

He has the view we have always dreamed of having! White water views complete with stunning sunsets are the order of everyday when you hang with Gary! If you can forget that the 8th floor is the oncology ward and that everyone on the floor is suffering with and through cancer then just for a moment you can set your eyes on the magnificance of the Earth that God created for all of us.

Thank you to everyone who has and will give blood for Gary. I will have a list of everyone who donates so that when Gary takes on different personality traits I can blame it all on each one of you!!! We are really so appreciative.

We love the cards everyone is sending and Gary has them all in his room. So many kids have made cards for Gary and he loves to look at all of them. He enjoys everything you bring and send and he is looking forward to being home and then you can all visit him there!

I know I have written a novel here and I am sorry to have taken so much of your time.
Once again, we are so thankful adn grateful and your support and love and the fact that you care about our family so much amazes us each and every day! We really and truly mean that!

Have a great night and please keep us in your prayers. Pray that Gary is peaceful deep down in his soul (he has said nothing to indicate that he is not doing emotionally well but the extra prayers always help). Pray that the chemo and radiation are doing what they are supposed to do. Pray that I can slow down a little and get a little more rest. Pray that our kids continue to weather the storm and that their minds and hearts are free from anxiety and worry and fear. Pray that I can catch up on some rest I need.

Our God is a MIGHTY God and the good that has come from our struggle is everywhere! I should probably write a book about amazing people! You would all make it in my book for sure!

Peace and Love,
Lisa

WEDNESDAY

Hi guys. I am so tired I can't write tonight.
Thanks for all of your blood! Thanks for your prayers. Your love. Your support. Your phone calls. Your visits! The margaritas and martinis. Groceries. Gifts. Cards. Smiles. Positive thoughts. and everything else!!
Gary has ben nauseated all day and he is due for chemo tomorrow. His red blood cells dropped again and let's hope they don't keep dropping. He had a shower today. I cut his hair and shaved trimmed up his beard and mustache. Malcolm brought him lunch- yum. I hope to God he gets out within the next week! We all want him home now!
I must go. I hope to be more chatty tomorrow! I am saving all my jokes for all of you! Gary has said and done some pretty entertaining things the past couple of days!

Love, Lisa

The positive and the negative

Guess what?
The blood bank called and said both O+ and O- can give blood.
The number to the donation center is (949) 764-5621 and you will need to make an appointment.
Bye!!

Tuesday

Quick update as I fly out the door!
Gary has had 2 sessions of radiation so far and he is getting ready for Chemo on Thursday. The radiation just makes him completely exhausted. He had to have a blood transfusion yesterday and he will probably be needing more blood.

The Chemo treatments cause anemia and I am sure the tumors STEAL his blood as well. So, he was 2-3 units short and has had 2 units as of now.

So, I am in the process of setting up a donor bank for Gary. Gary is O+ and he can only get blood from people who are 0+. After a donation it takes 3 days for the blood to be ready for Gary.

If anyone is this blood type and you would like to donate blood to Gary please shoot me an e-mail and I can give you the details. lisacsallee@cox.net.

I am off to get Jax and then Gary's parents are going to stay with the boys for the afternoon while I visit Gary!
I will keep you posted!
Love, L

Sunday Update

Gary had a hard day today but he is still hanging in there. My aunt, uncle and grandma came in from La Quinta and Claudia and John came for a visit as well. Matt and Dave came and brought pizza and chips & dip and watched the Super Bowl with Gary.

So, his room is awesome! He has an ocean view and is very, very large!! Lots of nurses must really like Gary!
He is starting radiation at 10 AM. This week I would like to make a small request.
In the interest of helping Gary get through the week I would like to ask all of you to help me out.

If you would like to come and visit Gary it would be great if you could call his room directly to see if he is up for visitors. I have a feeling this radiation might give him several unpleasant side effects and he might be even more compromised than he is right now.

Once we get past the beginning of this treatment then hopefully he will feel well enough to get visitors steadily each day.
He loves being surrounded by the people who really care about him. The thought of telling people not to come upset Gary and so we decided to have everyone call him directly and he will be totally honest with whether or not he can have visitors at that time.

He is on the 8th floor in room 28.

I am off to bed! Love to all,
Lisa

Addiction

MS (we will protect her/his identity) is completely, totally and utterly addicted to Wii Guitar Hero III. I thought my kids were bad. MS has raised the bar with the level of addiction one can attain while playing the Wii. I bet MS has Wii dreams. MS even has asked for a system for her/his birthday! I tried to ask MS a question during a Guitar Hero session and MS completely tuned me out and ignored me! Advice to MS's spouse - if you know what is good for your marriage you should probably stick with your original gift for MS's bday and steer clear of the Wii!

Zach loves loves loves loves Guitar Hero III. He played it for hours. The other boys have not even had a chance because Zach is a guitar hog. Between MS and Zach no one has a fighting chance!

It is official. Gary has a new room. It is bigger and better and I will tell all of you about it after I see it tomorrow. He sounded pretty excited and asked me to come after church to help him get the room organized! I love this new Type A side of Gary. He is so clean and neat!

We had a good visit today both alone and with the boys. We talked to the kids about lots of things like cancer and sickness and pain and we asked the kids questions and really had some great heart to heart conversations. Gary I think was in a little less pain today and a little more coherent. He had his first day of physical therapy and was able to walk a short distance. When I mean short I mean short. To give you an idea of how weak he is it took him roughly 30-40 minutes to get out of bed and walk 40 feet and back. He stopped to rest several times and an 80 year old man even lapped him!

His spirits seem to be holding up fine and they should get even better with this new room! More space, less clutter and it has a couch in it!

The baseball friends came over tonight and Matt picked up Pick Up Stix for the adults and pizza was deivered for the boys and Hailey! We had a great time just sitting and talking and I ended my evening in the hot tub with Matt and Jen and a few junior high giddie and loud girls!

I hope tomorrow is a better day as well. I will once again keep you in the know!
I hope everyone goes to church tomorrow and has a great Super Bowl Sunday!
Love, Lisa

Friday Night

Gary and I really know how to live it up on a Friday night! The cancer "ward" at Hoag has lots of people, loads of activity going on and everyone I saw was completely and utterly doped upon some kind of narcotic! They know where the good stuff is for sure and their supplier is never too far away!

Poor Gary. Despite all the good drugs I can't think of 1 person who either wants to spend any night let alone a Friday night as a patient or a visitor on the cancer floor.

Gary has met one guy whose name we will protect by calling him "Stan". Stan has had testicular cancer that has now spread to the outside of his kidney. He is very mobile and very friendly and I would venture to say he is about 40. He is extremely positive and optomistic and has an amazing outlook on life. He has come into Gary's room to talk to him and check on him a few times.

Gary has become almost completely immobile and it really bothers him. He has an alarm on his bed that sounds when he gets up because he is not allowed out of bed without assistance.

We met with the radiology oncologist today. Dr. Kim is very nice, kind and sat with us and answered any question we had and never made us feel like any of our concerns were unfounded. He was able to show us the MRI that was done on Gary at UCI for the first time. The MRI was done on Jan. 11th. Here begins the medical portion of our conversation tonight.

I already knew how extensive his disease was but seeing it is totally different. How every doctor and radiologist missed the extent of his cancer is completely beyond me. When you look at the MRI images you can see the cancer everywhere in his abdomen and it has literally destroyed his pelvic and hip bones.

These images make the fact that he has cancer a little more real I guess. It is so surreal and when I look at him I do not see the cancer. He looks pretty normal - maybe a little tired but that's it.

Back to radiation. He starts radiation on Monday. 5 days a week for about 6 weeks. Hey, he does get the weekend and holidays off but of course has to make the holidays up at the end like the kids who have snowdays in the colder regions of the world. The radiation will take no longer than 1/2 hour so we will be in and out of there. Lots of driving to and from but we will manage and schedule it for when the boys are all in school.

Something I wanted to share from our Book of Hope.

I once looked up "support" in the dictionary. It says: "To carry the weight; To maintain position so as to keep from falling, sinking, or slipping; To be able to bear - withstand; To keep from falling or yeilding during stress; To furnish corroborating evidence; To aid the cause of by approving, favoring, or advocating; To take action." What a wonderful definition! Believe me, every single word applies to the experience of belonging to a group of people who support you.

Thank you all and good night. Sweet dreams!

Love,
Lisa & Gary