I need to thank my friends. You know who you are. You are the ones who lift me out of my trench. You call me even when you know I don't want to talk. You show up at my house to check on me. You make sure I am not alone and you invite me places so I don't feel left out. You hang with my boys and help me move furniture. You seek me out to see how I am and you don't care if I tell you that my day sucked!
The past 10 weeks I have lived in somewhat of a fog. Time has passed by so quickly but at the same time it has been a painfully slow process of readjustment. Some of you have witnessed my whining, crying boys. Many of you listen to me vent and bitch and moan about how crappy my days have been. No judgement and that is HUGE. So many people are so judgemental and that really stinks. It feels good to have people I can be brutally honest with.
Life is hard right now. Everything is complicated. Nothing is ordinary. Nothing feels right yet. I know it will. In the meantime we will just keep plugging along and trying to figure out how to put the pieces of our "puzzle" back together.
My friends are so important - you have no idea. I know I have not been the best friend to some of you. I hardly have time to think let alone really pour into my friendships and yet you carry me through this time and expect nothing in return. Thank you for not judging me (I know I already said that but I really mean it) and for accepting me just as I am. Thanks for the countless hours of listening and for helping me in every single area of my life. I hope not one of you ever has to go through what we are going through right now. This is so big and scary and hard and unimaginable.
It's times like these when you find out who's on the team. Thanks to those who have stepped up to bat for us and who have supported and loved us. I love my friends and I am thankful to be so loved by so many of them. We look forward to sharing our wonderful future with all of you.
Love and Thanks,
L
BTW - I met with my school counselor and I am going back to school to get my Nursing Degree. I am super excited. Anatomy here I come! Keep your fingers crossed!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Happy Sunday
We had a great day today. Went to church then to Costco then to do snack bar inventory then home.............for the rest of the day! I love being home. Home Group came over tonight and we grilled out and had great conversation and it was awesome!
This week is going to go by so fast and then we will have 9 glorious days with NO HOMEWORK and NO LUNCHES and NO EARLY BEDTIMES! Yeah!!! We are going to have loads of fun and I am really looking forward to that.
We are going to spend most of our time at the beach. Zach and Matt are going to try and bike and I will really continue to help Jax learn to ride his bike. I am tired of running beside him down the street hunched over trying to anticipate his falling.
All 3 boys had more than excellent progress reports this trimester. I am so incredibly proud of them. Despite everything we are going through they have all kept their grades up with no behavioral changes. I guess they save that for me at home.
I have done some serious soul searching over the past week. Many of you know that this past week has been the most difficult week since Gary died. I will have to share my soul with you this week at some point in time in this blog. But, too time consuming right now and at 10 PM on Sunday night my brain is not working so well.
I am off to the gym in the morning and then to L.A. at some point in time to pick some stuff up that I ordered.
Have the best Monday ever!
xoxo
L
This week is going to go by so fast and then we will have 9 glorious days with NO HOMEWORK and NO LUNCHES and NO EARLY BEDTIMES! Yeah!!! We are going to have loads of fun and I am really looking forward to that.
We are going to spend most of our time at the beach. Zach and Matt are going to try and bike and I will really continue to help Jax learn to ride his bike. I am tired of running beside him down the street hunched over trying to anticipate his falling.
All 3 boys had more than excellent progress reports this trimester. I am so incredibly proud of them. Despite everything we are going through they have all kept their grades up with no behavioral changes. I guess they save that for me at home.
I have done some serious soul searching over the past week. Many of you know that this past week has been the most difficult week since Gary died. I will have to share my soul with you this week at some point in time in this blog. But, too time consuming right now and at 10 PM on Sunday night my brain is not working so well.
I am off to the gym in the morning and then to L.A. at some point in time to pick some stuff up that I ordered.
Have the best Monday ever!
xoxo
L
Saturday, March 28, 2009
My Little Bargain Hunters
As promised..........The garage sale find of the year....................
A Trek 26" mountain bike with shocks and 24 gears for.....................$40.00!
Zach and Nate are stoked. Good job boys.
We are actually home tonight. No social events. No phone calls. Just us. Hanging out. Enjoying the KCA (Kids Choice Awards) while the laundry is going and the sinks are bleaching.
Baseball was long today. Both Nate and Zach's games were 2 1/2 hours. It was a beautiful day though and if I could get Jax to stop chewing his glove while in the field I would be an even happier baseball mom!
My friend Ron who owns Audiofonix did a great job installing my DVD player and back up camera in our car. I have no idea how to work anything but he will give me a tutorial tomorrow. The boys love the car BUT are bummed they cannot eat in it. They think I am going to cave. Zach told someone to just give me a week and they will all be eating and drinking in this car! Fat chance in hell! Mark my words.
I just love my boys. I love the people who surround me each day. I love laughing with my girlfriends.
I miss my life before Gary died. I miss Gary. I can't even look at a photo of him yet I have a hard time even remembering our life before cancer. It is a true battle of the mind each day. Everything around me is happy. Smiles and love and good times and fond memories. Yet, I have a small piece of me that feels empty. I am very used to being married. I loved being married. Being single is not something I would have ever wished for. Being alone is not for me but I bet I am going to learn a lot about myself and having to be 3 little boys "everything" is a sobering reality check.
Today it seems like Gary died a long time ago. Zach and I were just having a conversation about this. Why does it seem like so much time has passed? He died January 10th and it is now March 28th. 10 weeks. That really is not a whole lot of time. It seems like years. Maybe because he was so sick for so long. I dunno. I could sit here all night trying to figure out the whole concept of time but I am not going to.
I guess I will feel sad for a little while longer. I think seeing his photo tonight triggered this sadness. I occasionally come across pictures and I just have to look the other way even though I really want to look at them.
Over Spring Break the kids and I are going to go to the Getty Museum and to the Griffith Observatory to see Gary's star. They have been asking me to do this so we are going for sure! I hope we can find it through that awesome telescope they have.
Hurley and Hobie had playdates today and they are whipped. Yes, I finally cleaned up the dog poop in my dining room Kelley! No more poop in the house! I have been vacuuming but both dogs hate the vacuum cleaner so I am taking a break from that for a while.
Zach is reading next to me and the boys are tired and ready for bed. Home Group is coming for dinner and fun tomorrow night and we are grilling out.
I have no words of wisdom for any of you. Too tired.
Boys are in the showers. I need to get some clean towels to them.
I think everyone should get up tomorrow morning and go to church. Thank God for everything in your life. What doesn't kill you will truly make you stronger. Hopefully I get stronger each day. Thankful I am. Thankful to God for the gift of my children and of my life and my friends and family. Thankful that HE is in control and I am not.
Ciao,
xo Lisa
A Trek 26" mountain bike with shocks and 24 gears for.....................$40.00!
Zach and Nate are stoked. Good job boys.
We are actually home tonight. No social events. No phone calls. Just us. Hanging out. Enjoying the KCA (Kids Choice Awards) while the laundry is going and the sinks are bleaching.
Baseball was long today. Both Nate and Zach's games were 2 1/2 hours. It was a beautiful day though and if I could get Jax to stop chewing his glove while in the field I would be an even happier baseball mom!
My friend Ron who owns Audiofonix did a great job installing my DVD player and back up camera in our car. I have no idea how to work anything but he will give me a tutorial tomorrow. The boys love the car BUT are bummed they cannot eat in it. They think I am going to cave. Zach told someone to just give me a week and they will all be eating and drinking in this car! Fat chance in hell! Mark my words.
I just love my boys. I love the people who surround me each day. I love laughing with my girlfriends.
I miss my life before Gary died. I miss Gary. I can't even look at a photo of him yet I have a hard time even remembering our life before cancer. It is a true battle of the mind each day. Everything around me is happy. Smiles and love and good times and fond memories. Yet, I have a small piece of me that feels empty. I am very used to being married. I loved being married. Being single is not something I would have ever wished for. Being alone is not for me but I bet I am going to learn a lot about myself and having to be 3 little boys "everything" is a sobering reality check.
Today it seems like Gary died a long time ago. Zach and I were just having a conversation about this. Why does it seem like so much time has passed? He died January 10th and it is now March 28th. 10 weeks. That really is not a whole lot of time. It seems like years. Maybe because he was so sick for so long. I dunno. I could sit here all night trying to figure out the whole concept of time but I am not going to.
I guess I will feel sad for a little while longer. I think seeing his photo tonight triggered this sadness. I occasionally come across pictures and I just have to look the other way even though I really want to look at them.
Over Spring Break the kids and I are going to go to the Getty Museum and to the Griffith Observatory to see Gary's star. They have been asking me to do this so we are going for sure! I hope we can find it through that awesome telescope they have.
Hurley and Hobie had playdates today and they are whipped. Yes, I finally cleaned up the dog poop in my dining room Kelley! No more poop in the house! I have been vacuuming but both dogs hate the vacuum cleaner so I am taking a break from that for a while.
Zach is reading next to me and the boys are tired and ready for bed. Home Group is coming for dinner and fun tomorrow night and we are grilling out.
I have no words of wisdom for any of you. Too tired.
Boys are in the showers. I need to get some clean towels to them.
I think everyone should get up tomorrow morning and go to church. Thank God for everything in your life. What doesn't kill you will truly make you stronger. Hopefully I get stronger each day. Thankful I am. Thankful to God for the gift of my children and of my life and my friends and family. Thankful that HE is in control and I am not.
Ciao,
xo Lisa
There will be NO SLEEPING IN
Me. Fake crying. Maybe even a little whimper and a whole lotta whining. Do you know why?
IT IS 6:50 AM ON SATURDAY MORNING! I WANT TO SLEEP!
But, guess what?
I AM NOT. Do you want to know why?
Well, on our way home last night as we pulled into our neighborhood (around 10 PM) the boys became excited.
Excited because all of the streets were adorned with magic signs that read GARAGE SALE.
Oh Mom! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can we go to all of the neighborhood garage sales? We go every year! Last year I got that cool skimboard for 4 bucks. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?????????????
Seriously, I wanted to just flat out say NO NO NO NO NO. But, the pushover that you all know me to be (ha) got the best of me and now I am blogging quickly before I get them out of bed to have some family bonding time as we garage sale together.
MY ONLY DAY TO SLEEP IN. My eyes are still glued shut.
I am going to suck it up, not complain, and bargain hunt with the boys. I will try not to socialize with neighbors too much so that we waste no time. The boys already have our route planned out. We walk part of the way THEN we get in the car so that we can make better time and we go the whole "drive by" thing. If it looks good, the boys hop out and I park.
Off to the garage sales! I hope to be home by 9.
I will let you all know what our great find was today!
xoxo
L
IT IS 6:50 AM ON SATURDAY MORNING! I WANT TO SLEEP!
But, guess what?
I AM NOT. Do you want to know why?
Well, on our way home last night as we pulled into our neighborhood (around 10 PM) the boys became excited.
Excited because all of the streets were adorned with magic signs that read GARAGE SALE.
Oh Mom! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can we go to all of the neighborhood garage sales? We go every year! Last year I got that cool skimboard for 4 bucks. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?????????????
Seriously, I wanted to just flat out say NO NO NO NO NO. But, the pushover that you all know me to be (ha) got the best of me and now I am blogging quickly before I get them out of bed to have some family bonding time as we garage sale together.
MY ONLY DAY TO SLEEP IN. My eyes are still glued shut.
I am going to suck it up, not complain, and bargain hunt with the boys. I will try not to socialize with neighbors too much so that we waste no time. The boys already have our route planned out. We walk part of the way THEN we get in the car so that we can make better time and we go the whole "drive by" thing. If it looks good, the boys hop out and I park.
Off to the garage sales! I hope to be home by 9.
I will let you all know what our great find was today!
xoxo
L
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
L&M Automotive
Charlie Smith is one great guy. I know Charlie from Little League and he was on the board with me last year.
At the same time that I blogged that I needed to find someone to help me fix the cars I forgot that I had sent him an E-mail to see if he could help me or really if he knew someone who could help me get the cars fixed. Charlie owns L&M Automotive in Laguna Hills. He has been so super great to me in the past and he has done it once again.
I would highly recommend Charlie if any of you are looking for a mechanic. Charlie is honest and he has great customer service. I take all of my cars to him.
So, cancel the tall order of finding a mechanic. I got one!
Love,
L
At the same time that I blogged that I needed to find someone to help me fix the cars I forgot that I had sent him an E-mail to see if he could help me or really if he knew someone who could help me get the cars fixed. Charlie owns L&M Automotive in Laguna Hills. He has been so super great to me in the past and he has done it once again.
I would highly recommend Charlie if any of you are looking for a mechanic. Charlie is honest and he has great customer service. I take all of my cars to him.
So, cancel the tall order of finding a mechanic. I got one!
Love,
L
MECHANIC NEEDED FOR GIFTS
Okay. Here is the story.
I need a mechanic who is willing to donate his talent and time to work some magic on my cars. I got a new car and instead of trading the cars in or having some random company pick the cars up I REALLY WANT TO GIVE THESE CARS TO FAMILIES WHO DESPERATELY NEED THEM. It is the absolute least I can do to start to give back. You have all given us so much and we are so blessed. We want to bless others.
My 2000 Expedition works well with a few minor problems. My 1998 Suburban works well as long as I jump start it each time. It has a new battery in it and new cables. I am not sure what is causing the issue.
I know that someone has got to know someone who can help to make this possible. I do not think it will take that much work to get these cars to the families.
I would tell you who the cars are going to but I also want to protect their privacy. Let's just say that the vehicles are going to people who really, really, need them. Gary would be so happy and the boys and I really want to do this.
Let me know if you have a lead on anyone who can help.
xoxo
Lisa
I need a mechanic who is willing to donate his talent and time to work some magic on my cars. I got a new car and instead of trading the cars in or having some random company pick the cars up I REALLY WANT TO GIVE THESE CARS TO FAMILIES WHO DESPERATELY NEED THEM. It is the absolute least I can do to start to give back. You have all given us so much and we are so blessed. We want to bless others.
My 2000 Expedition works well with a few minor problems. My 1998 Suburban works well as long as I jump start it each time. It has a new battery in it and new cables. I am not sure what is causing the issue.
I know that someone has got to know someone who can help to make this possible. I do not think it will take that much work to get these cars to the families.
I would tell you who the cars are going to but I also want to protect their privacy. Let's just say that the vehicles are going to people who really, really, need them. Gary would be so happy and the boys and I really want to do this.
Let me know if you have a lead on anyone who can help.
xoxo
Lisa
Monday, March 23, 2009
Monday, March 23
Dog Poo. I am sick and tired of dog poo. I could seriously devote this entire entry to doggy diarrhea. Hobie gets into Hurley's food - diarrhea. Hurley eats Hobie's food - diarrhea. On my carpet. On the concrete outside. Seemingly everywhere I turn. Ok, I am not an idiot. I do try and separate the dogs when they are eating. However, with 3 kids calling my name and the phone ringing I sometimes lose track of the dogs. I have been looking at this spot on my carpet now for 2 days trying to figure out how to get the stain out. It's exhausting and DISGUSTING!
So, I have not had a computer for a few days. The dogs got up on our kitchen table and pulled the cord out of the computer and knocked over my drink. I got an appointment at the Genius Bar today and they took the computer apart and fixed it right there on the spot for zero dinero! I know you are wondering why the dogs were on the table. Who the heck knows! I do know that Hobie is the ring leader BUT Hurley must bring out that mischevious side of Hobie. Bad but daring dogs!
For those of you who only have a PC - first let me to tell how sorry I am. Next, when my computer has issues (which are few and far between - 2X in 5 years to be exact) I get to have a live person who speaks english and does not live in India fix my computer. You all know what I am talking about. "Hello. My name is Ed. I am located in the Ohio Call Center. How may I help you?" (Come on. Say it with the accent.) You know it's true and that is what makes it so darn funny. With a Mac, no fuss, no muss. Shear perfection! Love my computer.
Zach went to Big Bear and went snowboarding all day today with Matt for his birthday. They had a great time. Zach got some air off of a rail or box or something and fell fairly hard on his tailbone. He is still complaining. At least he and Matt didn't break any arms, wrists or legs.
Nate and Jax took a personal day today as well and they slept in and we went to lunch at Rubys. We had to go to Smart & Final for the snackbar and our friend Ron, who owns Audiofonix, took a look at my car to see what back up camera I need as well as a DVD player for the boys.
Nate went to a birthday party for a better part of the day and had a great time. He has been so sweet and loving. The boys and I had to come to an understanding about the way we treat eachother. We have had loads of complaining and fighting and pestering and bitching and teasing and so much more. We are now focused on trying to get along and really be supportive of eachother. We shall see how long it lasts.
Spring Break is coming. I have nothing planned with the exception of some baseball. We are going to sleep in and we might even stay in our jammies all day one day.
The boys are doing well in baseball and our church is hanging in through the recession. It is hard living in our area because we do not see the full effects of the recession sometimes. When I am running to the mall or going out to dinner it always feels crowded to me. I know people are cutting back as we all should. I hope our economy bounces back sooner than later. No more pay cuts or job losses.
Laundry is going. Dishes are in the sink and I am way too lazy to wash them. It was either dishes or blog. I couldn't let you down! Dancing With The Stars is on. Diarrhea stain still there staring me in the face. I want it to just go away. Remember I told you that I don't do poo. Yuck! Cream carpet sucks. That is why I have black leather interior in my car. I am half tempted to hire someone to come and clean the stain. That just sounds so awful but it makes my stomach turn.
I am starting to do daily devotionals with the boys each morning. It is something I have wanted to do again because when we did that each day it was just a great way to start our day off. The kids are reminded exactly Who created them and hopefully WHY they are here!
Love to you all,
L
So, I have not had a computer for a few days. The dogs got up on our kitchen table and pulled the cord out of the computer and knocked over my drink. I got an appointment at the Genius Bar today and they took the computer apart and fixed it right there on the spot for zero dinero! I know you are wondering why the dogs were on the table. Who the heck knows! I do know that Hobie is the ring leader BUT Hurley must bring out that mischevious side of Hobie. Bad but daring dogs!
For those of you who only have a PC - first let me to tell how sorry I am. Next, when my computer has issues (which are few and far between - 2X in 5 years to be exact) I get to have a live person who speaks english and does not live in India fix my computer. You all know what I am talking about. "Hello. My name is Ed. I am located in the Ohio Call Center. How may I help you?" (Come on. Say it with the accent.) You know it's true and that is what makes it so darn funny. With a Mac, no fuss, no muss. Shear perfection! Love my computer.
Zach went to Big Bear and went snowboarding all day today with Matt for his birthday. They had a great time. Zach got some air off of a rail or box or something and fell fairly hard on his tailbone. He is still complaining. At least he and Matt didn't break any arms, wrists or legs.
Nate and Jax took a personal day today as well and they slept in and we went to lunch at Rubys. We had to go to Smart & Final for the snackbar and our friend Ron, who owns Audiofonix, took a look at my car to see what back up camera I need as well as a DVD player for the boys.
Nate went to a birthday party for a better part of the day and had a great time. He has been so sweet and loving. The boys and I had to come to an understanding about the way we treat eachother. We have had loads of complaining and fighting and pestering and bitching and teasing and so much more. We are now focused on trying to get along and really be supportive of eachother. We shall see how long it lasts.
Spring Break is coming. I have nothing planned with the exception of some baseball. We are going to sleep in and we might even stay in our jammies all day one day.
The boys are doing well in baseball and our church is hanging in through the recession. It is hard living in our area because we do not see the full effects of the recession sometimes. When I am running to the mall or going out to dinner it always feels crowded to me. I know people are cutting back as we all should. I hope our economy bounces back sooner than later. No more pay cuts or job losses.
Laundry is going. Dishes are in the sink and I am way too lazy to wash them. It was either dishes or blog. I couldn't let you down! Dancing With The Stars is on. Diarrhea stain still there staring me in the face. I want it to just go away. Remember I told you that I don't do poo. Yuck! Cream carpet sucks. That is why I have black leather interior in my car. I am half tempted to hire someone to come and clean the stain. That just sounds so awful but it makes my stomach turn.
I am starting to do daily devotionals with the boys each morning. It is something I have wanted to do again because when we did that each day it was just a great way to start our day off. The kids are reminded exactly Who created them and hopefully WHY they are here!
Love to you all,
L
Monday, March 16, 2009
INSIGHT - Not too deep
I must say that I am one hell of a planner! After the day I have had today the spa could not have come on a better day. I am heading to Burke Williams for the morning and I am really looking forward to getting away from the daily grind for a few hours.
I am listening to Flo Rida. HAVE YOU ever listened to the words? Interesting words and so not appropriate. The tune is super catchy and I regularily work out to this song in some of my classes but I do hope kids do not listen to this music.
Now, my library has selected In The Blink Of An Eye. We played this song at Gary's funeral. Love this song. Sums up my life. We only have so much time to make a difference and I want to make a difference. I have made serious headway in the last 8 weeks despite my exhaustion and down moments. I am moving forward and making the most of my life and I am scared but really excited to see what God has in store for me.
I hope I am not alone the rest of my life. For 2 years I have been grieving Gary's passing. When you get a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis (cancer like Gary's) you basically know that death is eminent from this disease. You hold on to hope like we did but we both knew. Gary knew. I knew. But, Gary and I lived everyday for over a year one day at a time fighting this disease and giving Gary as much time as we could. I hope Gary would be pleased with the time we bought him and that he died with dignity and surrounded by hundreds of friends. He was so incredibly loved by me and by the kids and by everyone around him. So blessed.
Gary and I had such a wonderful marriage and I am so happy that we did. It was a very healthy relationship and I thank God for that every day. The mailman asked how my "handicap" husband was doing today. I told him and once again I managed to shock yet another unsuspecting soul with a tale of untimely death. He was truly shocked and then gave me the pity look like most do. It's okay. No one should be feeling that way towards me. I am going to be fine. Self sufficient. Emotionally healthy. Strength beyond measure (God given). Gary wanted me to be fine and he had faith (more than I did) that I was going to be just that. More than fine. I guess I will prove him right and be just that!
Zach is finishing reading. I am going to get a good night sleep because the "spa" needs me to be rested! I think I am playing Laser Tag tomorrow in the evening with friends. Nate has a game but if I miss 1 game it should not be that big of a deal!
Friday night I get to go out with the girls. Maybe we will stay local and go to Beachfire in Ladera. Saturday night I get dinner with friends again. I am going to be super spoiled this week. I am looking forward to it.
Spring Break is coming. 9 days off. NO lunches. NO laundry. NO homework. NO schedule. We do have baseball but when you take everything else out of the equation baseball doesn't seem all that time consuming. Love that more than you know. Lots of beach time and surfing for us. Zach and Nate want to go mountain biking. Swim. Play. Relax. Margarita. Relax. Relax.
Matt- waiting for Hornitos!
Have a great night. Remember to seize every opportunity to help others. You can make a difference more
than you know in the smallest of ways. You have one chance in this life to get things right. Get on it and just do it!
Love and Hugs,
L
I am listening to Flo Rida. HAVE YOU ever listened to the words? Interesting words and so not appropriate. The tune is super catchy and I regularily work out to this song in some of my classes but I do hope kids do not listen to this music.
Now, my library has selected In The Blink Of An Eye. We played this song at Gary's funeral. Love this song. Sums up my life. We only have so much time to make a difference and I want to make a difference. I have made serious headway in the last 8 weeks despite my exhaustion and down moments. I am moving forward and making the most of my life and I am scared but really excited to see what God has in store for me.
I hope I am not alone the rest of my life. For 2 years I have been grieving Gary's passing. When you get a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis (cancer like Gary's) you basically know that death is eminent from this disease. You hold on to hope like we did but we both knew. Gary knew. I knew. But, Gary and I lived everyday for over a year one day at a time fighting this disease and giving Gary as much time as we could. I hope Gary would be pleased with the time we bought him and that he died with dignity and surrounded by hundreds of friends. He was so incredibly loved by me and by the kids and by everyone around him. So blessed.
Gary and I had such a wonderful marriage and I am so happy that we did. It was a very healthy relationship and I thank God for that every day. The mailman asked how my "handicap" husband was doing today. I told him and once again I managed to shock yet another unsuspecting soul with a tale of untimely death. He was truly shocked and then gave me the pity look like most do. It's okay. No one should be feeling that way towards me. I am going to be fine. Self sufficient. Emotionally healthy. Strength beyond measure (God given). Gary wanted me to be fine and he had faith (more than I did) that I was going to be just that. More than fine. I guess I will prove him right and be just that!
Zach is finishing reading. I am going to get a good night sleep because the "spa" needs me to be rested! I think I am playing Laser Tag tomorrow in the evening with friends. Nate has a game but if I miss 1 game it should not be that big of a deal!
Friday night I get to go out with the girls. Maybe we will stay local and go to Beachfire in Ladera. Saturday night I get dinner with friends again. I am going to be super spoiled this week. I am looking forward to it.
Spring Break is coming. 9 days off. NO lunches. NO laundry. NO homework. NO schedule. We do have baseball but when you take everything else out of the equation baseball doesn't seem all that time consuming. Love that more than you know. Lots of beach time and surfing for us. Zach and Nate want to go mountain biking. Swim. Play. Relax. Margarita. Relax. Relax.
Matt- waiting for Hornitos!
Have a great night. Remember to seize every opportunity to help others. You can make a difference more
than you know in the smallest of ways. You have one chance in this life to get things right. Get on it and just do it!
Love and Hugs,
L
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Still Here
Gary died 8 weeks ago. I can hardly believe it. Everytime I go to blog I see his picture and it still feels like he is here. 8 weeks. So much has happened in 8 weeks.
Baseball has started. Sleep deprivation has crept in and remained. Medical bills are piling up. Taking the trash cans out. Packing lunches every single day is getting OLD. Finding the right philips screwdriver to fix a drawer is challenging. Security lighting needs to be installed. What else can I complain about? Becoming a true single parent is such an adjustment! So many people are divorced but they still have an EX to help carry the load.
Thanks for letting me vent. Some of you know that about me very well. I do not hold on to things. I get pissed. I vent. I reflect. I gain perspective. I move forward and this all happens pretty quickly. I do not have time to sit around and stew over things. I want to learn from experiences and grow from them. I do not want to keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
I am really hanging in there. I am fine. Nights are hardest. Seeing his picture and thinking about how sick he was is still hard. Knowing what he endured each day still makes my stomach turn. I have my up times (way more than the down times) and I cherish all of the time I spend with the boys and with my friends. I am so blessed to have the people in my life that I do. God must think I am special because he has given me so many special people to come along side of my family.
So, I took the message off of my phone so Gary's voice is officially gone. He is still on our answering machine at home but I love that message and I am going to keep it on there. I am getting ready to get rid of both of our vehicles BUT trying to get a new car is so difficult right now. The dealers are out of stock and I really don't want to special order a car and risk losing incentives. It is a little frustrating and thank God I have John and Matt and Steve helping me. The guys at the dealership would so take advantage of me and they have already tried via the telephone! Scheisters they are! Shame on them. I have issues with car salesmen. Even the Fleet Managers are a little tough to work with. I am patient. I can wait for the right opportunity and I will.
I am finally getting a new computer as Gary's has been attacked and eaten by viruses and my Mac is very old. It will be nice to be able to manipulate my blog and actually freely navigate the web without be shut out for not being able to download the newest this or that!
Let's get back to the boys. My boys. They are so awesome. They are all so smart and such great boys. I am so proud of them and I just love them to pieces. They are so sweet to me and try so hard to do what I need them to do. Despite several attempts to be the best they can be I find myself forced to face the truth.They are boys. Small men in the making. Not capable of multi-tasking or picking up towels off the floor or taking their cups out of their sliding shorts or belts off their pants. They spill food everywhere and think that the backseat of our car is their tabletop! They leave their bikes in the middle of the garage and they put empty containers back in the fridge.Sometimes they even forget to flush the toilet - imagine that! Any of you relating to me or am I just not cracking the whip hard enough?
They obviously think I am a human ATM machine especially when we are at the snack shack at the fields. I think I spent over $20 tonight on their dinners and junk! They are going to eat me out of house and home. At the rate they are going they should all grow to be gigantours!
It sounds funny when I read what I have written and there is serious humor there. Sometimes when I am going through the above mentioned "hardships presented to me by the boys" I find it hard to find any shred of humor in it. But because they are the greatest kids and I don't hold on to things for too long I see the joy and funniness in their antics and I can actually laugh about it when I remove myself from it! I just can't get enough of them and I thank God every day that Gary has given me these three beautiful blonde little boys to have in my life. They keep me busy and laughing and humble and so many other things. Cling on kid is doing much better and I am actually able to be away from him a little longer each day it seems. Baby steps for us all. That is all I can ask at this point. We are all on a new learning curve and taking each day as it comes.
Well, off to bed because tomorrow is coming and I am going to have a houseful of girlies from church spending the night at my house and I am sure sleep will not be one of their top priorities. We are playing Laser Tag at the Kaleidoscope and having pizza and shopping! I am really excited to spend time with them.
God is so good and has blessed all of us in different ways. Find your blessings and focus on those. That's what God wants us to do.
Be good to yourselves and love one another!
xoxo
Lisa
Baseball has started. Sleep deprivation has crept in and remained. Medical bills are piling up. Taking the trash cans out. Packing lunches every single day is getting OLD. Finding the right philips screwdriver to fix a drawer is challenging. Security lighting needs to be installed. What else can I complain about? Becoming a true single parent is such an adjustment! So many people are divorced but they still have an EX to help carry the load.
Thanks for letting me vent. Some of you know that about me very well. I do not hold on to things. I get pissed. I vent. I reflect. I gain perspective. I move forward and this all happens pretty quickly. I do not have time to sit around and stew over things. I want to learn from experiences and grow from them. I do not want to keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
I am really hanging in there. I am fine. Nights are hardest. Seeing his picture and thinking about how sick he was is still hard. Knowing what he endured each day still makes my stomach turn. I have my up times (way more than the down times) and I cherish all of the time I spend with the boys and with my friends. I am so blessed to have the people in my life that I do. God must think I am special because he has given me so many special people to come along side of my family.
So, I took the message off of my phone so Gary's voice is officially gone. He is still on our answering machine at home but I love that message and I am going to keep it on there. I am getting ready to get rid of both of our vehicles BUT trying to get a new car is so difficult right now. The dealers are out of stock and I really don't want to special order a car and risk losing incentives. It is a little frustrating and thank God I have John and Matt and Steve helping me. The guys at the dealership would so take advantage of me and they have already tried via the telephone! Scheisters they are! Shame on them. I have issues with car salesmen. Even the Fleet Managers are a little tough to work with. I am patient. I can wait for the right opportunity and I will.
I am finally getting a new computer as Gary's has been attacked and eaten by viruses and my Mac is very old. It will be nice to be able to manipulate my blog and actually freely navigate the web without be shut out for not being able to download the newest this or that!
Let's get back to the boys. My boys. They are so awesome. They are all so smart and such great boys. I am so proud of them and I just love them to pieces. They are so sweet to me and try so hard to do what I need them to do. Despite several attempts to be the best they can be I find myself forced to face the truth.They are boys. Small men in the making. Not capable of multi-tasking or picking up towels off the floor or taking their cups out of their sliding shorts or belts off their pants. They spill food everywhere and think that the backseat of our car is their tabletop! They leave their bikes in the middle of the garage and they put empty containers back in the fridge.Sometimes they even forget to flush the toilet - imagine that! Any of you relating to me or am I just not cracking the whip hard enough?
They obviously think I am a human ATM machine especially when we are at the snack shack at the fields. I think I spent over $20 tonight on their dinners and junk! They are going to eat me out of house and home. At the rate they are going they should all grow to be gigantours!
It sounds funny when I read what I have written and there is serious humor there. Sometimes when I am going through the above mentioned "hardships presented to me by the boys" I find it hard to find any shred of humor in it. But because they are the greatest kids and I don't hold on to things for too long I see the joy and funniness in their antics and I can actually laugh about it when I remove myself from it! I just can't get enough of them and I thank God every day that Gary has given me these three beautiful blonde little boys to have in my life. They keep me busy and laughing and humble and so many other things. Cling on kid is doing much better and I am actually able to be away from him a little longer each day it seems. Baby steps for us all. That is all I can ask at this point. We are all on a new learning curve and taking each day as it comes.
Well, off to bed because tomorrow is coming and I am going to have a houseful of girlies from church spending the night at my house and I am sure sleep will not be one of their top priorities. We are playing Laser Tag at the Kaleidoscope and having pizza and shopping! I am really excited to spend time with them.
God is so good and has blessed all of us in different ways. Find your blessings and focus on those. That's what God wants us to do.
Be good to yourselves and love one another!
xoxo
Lisa
Friday, March 6, 2009
THE DAY TO DAY STUFF
Crying. Whining. Moaning. Complaining. Sick. Tired. Drained. Exhausted. Sleep deprived. Tension. Frustration.
Ever feel like any of those?
Take your pick. I have felt like a combination of most of those over the past few weeks. Kids sick. Kids whining. Kids crying. I'm moaning because I've had it. I'm tired because my kids become helicopters when they sleep with me - hence the sleep deprivation. Tension? From what you ask? I guess just life. Frustration? How many times do you have to tell your kids to PICK UP THE WET TOWEL OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR??????????
However, all that being said, I am in a fairly good mood. I have a girls night out planned. Planned being the operative word because the plan has not been carried out yet. Factor in the Cling On Kid (you know I am not going to tell you which one it is) and a few tears mixed with some hacking and a sore throat and we will see if that whole girls night out even happens. Yet, I am looking forward to the possibility of actually getting dressed and going out.
This single most important thing is that our family is together and we are laughing and getting through this difficult time. The kids are not angry at God for allowing Gary to die - that is huge in my book. The mere talk of Hurley pooping on the kitchen floor and then strangly trying to eat it can break tension and bad moods in a nano second. Hobie is getting better slowly. There are just so many good little things that happen everyday. I will take a smile here and there and some laughter - even when it is not the appropriate time to laugh. Cling On kid loves to snuggle and instead of wishing I could have some more time to myself I will embrace his snuggle and be glad that he loves me so much.
So much is going on. Snack bar shopping needs to be done. Kids are going to the Ducks game tonight. Zach and all of his buddies are all fired up about the Power Balance Bracelets. Zach is determined to get a bracelet before his game tomorrow because he knows it will help with his game performance. If you want information on Power Balance just go to www.powerbalance.net. Pretty neat stuff.
So, I am off to kick box and then to Zach's Spelling Bee. He came in 2nd last year so hopefully he will do as well this year.
Peace and Love and Joy to all of you. I will hopefully be drinking a margarita tonight!
Love, L
Ever feel like any of those?
Take your pick. I have felt like a combination of most of those over the past few weeks. Kids sick. Kids whining. Kids crying. I'm moaning because I've had it. I'm tired because my kids become helicopters when they sleep with me - hence the sleep deprivation. Tension? From what you ask? I guess just life. Frustration? How many times do you have to tell your kids to PICK UP THE WET TOWEL OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR??????????
However, all that being said, I am in a fairly good mood. I have a girls night out planned. Planned being the operative word because the plan has not been carried out yet. Factor in the Cling On Kid (you know I am not going to tell you which one it is) and a few tears mixed with some hacking and a sore throat and we will see if that whole girls night out even happens. Yet, I am looking forward to the possibility of actually getting dressed and going out.
This single most important thing is that our family is together and we are laughing and getting through this difficult time. The kids are not angry at God for allowing Gary to die - that is huge in my book. The mere talk of Hurley pooping on the kitchen floor and then strangly trying to eat it can break tension and bad moods in a nano second. Hobie is getting better slowly. There are just so many good little things that happen everyday. I will take a smile here and there and some laughter - even when it is not the appropriate time to laugh. Cling On kid loves to snuggle and instead of wishing I could have some more time to myself I will embrace his snuggle and be glad that he loves me so much.
So much is going on. Snack bar shopping needs to be done. Kids are going to the Ducks game tonight. Zach and all of his buddies are all fired up about the Power Balance Bracelets. Zach is determined to get a bracelet before his game tomorrow because he knows it will help with his game performance. If you want information on Power Balance just go to www.powerbalance.net. Pretty neat stuff.
So, I am off to kick box and then to Zach's Spelling Bee. He came in 2nd last year so hopefully he will do as well this year.
Peace and Love and Joy to all of you. I will hopefully be drinking a margarita tonight!
Love, L
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Medicine Cups
My kitchen is so attractive as the medicine cups line up all along the back side of the sink. Some of them fall into the garbage disposal - I am of course completely unaware until I turn the dang thing on and I hear this awful garbling noise. Another cup bites the dust. I should probably buy stock in the dang things.
Zach was sick. Then Nate - pneumonia. Now Jax. It is so nice that the brothers share. So giving and loving.
Jax has a sinus infection and the flu. High fever (gone now thank God) and his whole body ached. Cough. Sore throat. Yuck.
Evidently, this "plague" is running rampid throughout all of our schools and it has been hitting the kids hard.
I am ready for a sick free house. I hate being "trapped" - I say that very lovingly but I do hate it.
I am finally getting caught up on all my laundry and housework.
For those of you who call me cell phone I am trying to get Gary's voice recorded so that I can get that message off of it. The boys really want me to record it even though we have video of Gary. I need to go buy a recorder so that I can move forward with that.
I had an appt. with our phschologist today but had to cancel because Jax is home with me. Jax is getting his cast off today which is very exciting. He really is happy about taking a long hot shower and of course jumping on the trampoline. He has asked me 10X today. He is also really wanting to hit during the baseball games. Hopefully it won't be much longer before he can do that.
I am getting a new computer as mine is very old and outdated and slow. It will be nice not to have computer issues. I never have problems per say with my Mac but it is 5 years old and it is time.
Off and running.
xoxo
Lisa
I will blog more later.
Zach was sick. Then Nate - pneumonia. Now Jax. It is so nice that the brothers share. So giving and loving.
Jax has a sinus infection and the flu. High fever (gone now thank God) and his whole body ached. Cough. Sore throat. Yuck.
Evidently, this "plague" is running rampid throughout all of our schools and it has been hitting the kids hard.
I am ready for a sick free house. I hate being "trapped" - I say that very lovingly but I do hate it.
I am finally getting caught up on all my laundry and housework.
For those of you who call me cell phone I am trying to get Gary's voice recorded so that I can get that message off of it. The boys really want me to record it even though we have video of Gary. I need to go buy a recorder so that I can move forward with that.
I had an appt. with our phschologist today but had to cancel because Jax is home with me. Jax is getting his cast off today which is very exciting. He really is happy about taking a long hot shower and of course jumping on the trampoline. He has asked me 10X today. He is also really wanting to hit during the baseball games. Hopefully it won't be much longer before he can do that.
I am getting a new computer as mine is very old and outdated and slow. It will be nice not to have computer issues. I never have problems per say with my Mac but it is 5 years old and it is time.
Off and running.
xoxo
Lisa
I will blog more later.
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