Emotionally Bankrupt

Hi. Well it is safe to say that I am officially emotionally bankrupt right now. We have been through sooooooo much and more and more piles on and I have these periods where I feel as if I can't handle one more thing. It is so depressing sometimes and I am not a depressed person.

Gary had the surgery to place the nephrostomy tubes into his kidneys and we just got home from that. He is so weak the past few days and if you saw him you might think he has Parkinsons. I look at him and wonder how much more he can take. The body takes a beating and then another and yet another and the beatings keep going with no end in sight and yet Gary endures.

I have had to drug him up for the better part of each day as of late because of his pain level. We are scheduling an appointment with a doctor at Mission to place the morphine pain pump in Gary's spine. This should happen soon. Another hospital. More paperwork. New nurses and doctors. Yada Yada Yada.........boring and frustrating.

The kids are coming home to the carpet which has been beautifully cleaned. Beacon Carpet did a fantastic job and the carpet will be dry in about 24 hours. It is so nice. When your carpet is filthy it tends to make you feel like your entire house is that way as well.

Gary's Mom is flying in tomorrow night to spend a few days with us. It will be good for Gary to spend time with her as he has not seen her in a few months. We wish his Dad could come out as well but right now he would have great difficulty making it. Maybe once his treament has started he will feel well enough to come.

I am going to try and take the boys to Disneyland tomorrow after school. I love Disney at Christmas. i especially love the parade at the end of the evening and the snow on Main Street.

Well, I better get going and get ready for the boys to walk through the door at any moment.

Love To All,
Lisa