Upsetting Day

Good Evening or I guess it is almost morning.

I had planned to take the boys to the beach tomorrow but plans have changed.

Jake is spending the night tonight so that I can leave for the hospital before sunlight. I hate traffic and will hopefully avoid most of it by leaving so stinking early.

The past few days have been long and daunting. Waiting for answers and plans is very difficult. We had not spoken to Dr. Barth in days. One day Gary is rushed up to USC for immediate surgery and then days later we are sitting with no real plan and waiting for something or anything to happen. Not talking to Dr. Barth makes this situation very difficult. I know how challenging it is to be a physician BUT try being the person laying in the bed with cancer. We have limited knowledge and frankly what we are going through is very scary at times.

I got to the hospital at 11:00 and at 12:30 Gary was taken into surgery to insert the tube into his liver to drain the blocked bile duct. I asked how long Gary would be and I was told he would be back in 2 to 2 1/2 hours. So, the kids and I wait.
Realize that Gary has had something similar done with his kidneys and it was fairly uncomplicated and he was back in his room within a 2 hour time period. I felt that this was going to be a tolerable procedure.

So, I wait. 2 1/2 hours.......3 hours.........3 1/2 hours.........4 hours. Finally, I go to the nurses station to ask where he is. I am told that he is in recovery. Recovery? No one explained this to me or to Gary. What the hell? I have been friggin waiting all this time with ABSOLUTELY NO COMMUNICATION. I HATE NO COMMUNICATION MORE THAN ANYTHING WHEN IT COMES TO GARY'S CARE! There are interns and residents and fellows and doctors and God only know who else is in the room that could have taken 5 minutes to come to me to tell me what the hell was going on. Guess not.

I take the boys downstairs to recovery and I go in to see him. He is somewhat out of it and I ask the nurse how things went.

"Well, Mr. Sallee did not do so well during the procedure. The pain medication did not work and he screamed a good part of the time." PREGNANT PAUSE ON MY PART WITH A SICK FEELING OF TERROR IN MY HEAD! Are you all hearing what I am telling you?????

Gary had a TUBE put into his liver through his side and he was not medicated enough and felt the whole thing and screamed as they PROCEEDED to do the procedure. I am sick retelling this to you. Many of you know I am fairly level headed and rarely cry. I spent the entire time on our way home from the hospital crying and thinking about what it must have been like for him during that time.

My gosh. That is the last thing Gary deserves. Hasn't the guy been through enough????? What the hell were the people in that room thinking??? Wasn't there an anesthesiologist in the room? Is there a good answer?

I have no answers because no doctor bothered to talk to us after the procedure to tell us how things went. I AM HIS WIFE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I deserve to be treated with due respect and I should have been told how things went. That is just common courtesy.

I am really trying hard to have faith in the people caring for him. I know they are talented doctors. I know Dr. Barth wants us to have faith in them as well.

I do not know how I am going to handle this tomorrow. I do know that I am very upset and need to know why Gary had to suffer on that table. I also want to know why no one came out to let me know how things went. There must be a great reason and I am looking forward to finding out what it is.

I know I set the tone and I ALWAYS try my hardest to cooperate and go with the flow and do as I am told. I do not like to rock the boat but this time I think a little rocking is necessary.

Anyhow, Gary is wiped and will hopefully get some rest tonight.

I will update after speaking with docs tomorrow.

Off to bed.

Love,
L