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I forgot to tell all of you this story.
The other day when I brought all 3 boys to see Gary Jax wanted me to make him a "glove balloon". So, I took a blue glove (the latex gloves are on the wall) and I blew it up and tied it off so that he could bat it around a little.
About 10 minutes later I look over and Jax has every finger on the glove bent down with the exception of the lovely middle one. Here is how the dialog goes:
Me: Jax, What are you doing?
Jax: I am sticking up the middle finger. ( BTW - Very matter of factly stated as both other brothers burst into laughter).
Me: That is totally innapropriate Jax. You know better than that. DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN. (The stern mean mommy voice).
A few moments pass.................
To my surprise I glance over his way again and he still has the middle finger on the glove balloon pointing BUT this time he has the finger facing the ground.
Me: Jax, I thought I told you that was COMPLETELY INNAPROPRIATE! What part of DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN are you having a hard time understanding?
Jax: (his eyes roll back as most of you have seen) Mom, I am just giving the devil the middle finger! Big sigh like I am bugging him.
Where the heck did that come from? If anyone deserves the middle finger it is the devil. I guess Jax knows what giving the middle finger means!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
16 DAYS
And on the 16th day GARY COMES HOME!!!! Gary and I will be coming home from USC around 5:30 tonight! We are weaning him off of the TPN (nutrition) and will check his blood sugar at 5:00. If all goes as planned (and it better) we will be outta here and I will get to drive home in the carpool lane! Woohoo!!
We are both more than ready for him to come home! We are going to SURPRISE the kids!!
I have a favor to ask of all of you. Please do not call tonight. I am afraid that we will be bombarded with phone calls and Gary will get overwhelmed by the sound of the ringing phone! I love that everyone will want to check in but I ask that you give us until tomorrow to do so.
What a HUGE relief! YEAH!!!!!
I will blog tonight to let you all know how everything goes!
Love and HUGE SMILES!!
Lisa
We are both more than ready for him to come home! We are going to SURPRISE the kids!!
I have a favor to ask of all of you. Please do not call tonight. I am afraid that we will be bombarded with phone calls and Gary will get overwhelmed by the sound of the ringing phone! I love that everyone will want to check in but I ask that you give us until tomorrow to do so.
What a HUGE relief! YEAH!!!!!
I will blog tonight to let you all know how everything goes!
Love and HUGE SMILES!!
Lisa
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
NO SURGERY
Good news. After taking an xray the docs have determined that they do not need to re-position the liver drain. Thank God!!
Gary is back in his room!! YEAH!!!!!
Gary is back in his room!! YEAH!!!!!
Earthquake
It's official.
It is the FIRST TIME EVER our boys have fexperienced a sizable earthquake where the house actually shook!
We are on the 6th floor at SC and the whole building swayed back and forth. I will say it is the first time I have been in a large building when a quake happened. I
t was kinda cool. Thank God is was small!
It is the FIRST TIME EVER our boys have fexperienced a sizable earthquake where the house actually shook!
We are on the 6th floor at SC and the whole building swayed back and forth. I will say it is the first time I have been in a large building when a quake happened. I
t was kinda cool. Thank God is was small!
Update
Hi. Nothing much new. We met with Dr. Ault - Colorectal guy - and he seems to think that as of now Gary's bowels are anatomically fine with some functionality issues that can be addressed with cocktails of laxatives and immodium (too little and too much). We appreciate Dr. Ault's communication skills. If the problem persists then Dr. Ault can place a stint in his left bowel to open the narrowing (the part of the bowel that seems to be irritated from either chemo or radiation or avastin). That is a simple procedure but he does not want to go that route at this point in time.
Gary started having the waves of pain in his abdomen this morning after he ate. We are hoping and praying it is as simple as his system getting used to food once again. He ate 1/2 pancake and a scrambled egg this morning and drank a Boost.
The docs are coming in to talk to Gary about a permanent pain pump. We will see the pros and cons of that.
The liver team came in and discovered that Gary needs to be taken to have another procedure right away. Something has happened to the drain because Gary is draining blood into his bag and he should only have bile. Before he hemmorages they need to take him in and fix it. I am going to scream and yell to make sure he is medicated this time.
When we asked about why he was in so much pain during the procedure somehow the conversation changed and no one seemed to have the answer to that question. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.
So, instead of coming home I am staying to make sure things happen for Gary. He is extremely agitated today and seems anxious. I wish I could help him but I know just being here is all I can do.
Stay tuned and keep praying.
Love, L
Gary started having the waves of pain in his abdomen this morning after he ate. We are hoping and praying it is as simple as his system getting used to food once again. He ate 1/2 pancake and a scrambled egg this morning and drank a Boost.
The docs are coming in to talk to Gary about a permanent pain pump. We will see the pros and cons of that.
The liver team came in and discovered that Gary needs to be taken to have another procedure right away. Something has happened to the drain because Gary is draining blood into his bag and he should only have bile. Before he hemmorages they need to take him in and fix it. I am going to scream and yell to make sure he is medicated this time.
When we asked about why he was in so much pain during the procedure somehow the conversation changed and no one seemed to have the answer to that question. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.
So, instead of coming home I am staying to make sure things happen for Gary. He is extremely agitated today and seems anxious. I wish I could help him but I know just being here is all I can do.
Stay tuned and keep praying.
Love, L
Monday, July 28, 2008
Upsetting Day
Good Evening or I guess it is almost morning.
I had planned to take the boys to the beach tomorrow but plans have changed.
Jake is spending the night tonight so that I can leave for the hospital before sunlight. I hate traffic and will hopefully avoid most of it by leaving so stinking early.
The past few days have been long and daunting. Waiting for answers and plans is very difficult. We had not spoken to Dr. Barth in days. One day Gary is rushed up to USC for immediate surgery and then days later we are sitting with no real plan and waiting for something or anything to happen. Not talking to Dr. Barth makes this situation very difficult. I know how challenging it is to be a physician BUT try being the person laying in the bed with cancer. We have limited knowledge and frankly what we are going through is very scary at times.
I got to the hospital at 11:00 and at 12:30 Gary was taken into surgery to insert the tube into his liver to drain the blocked bile duct. I asked how long Gary would be and I was told he would be back in 2 to 2 1/2 hours. So, the kids and I wait.
Realize that Gary has had something similar done with his kidneys and it was fairly uncomplicated and he was back in his room within a 2 hour time period. I felt that this was going to be a tolerable procedure.
So, I wait. 2 1/2 hours.......3 hours.........3 1/2 hours.........4 hours. Finally, I go to the nurses station to ask where he is. I am told that he is in recovery. Recovery? No one explained this to me or to Gary. What the hell? I have been friggin waiting all this time with ABSOLUTELY NO COMMUNICATION. I HATE NO COMMUNICATION MORE THAN ANYTHING WHEN IT COMES TO GARY'S CARE! There are interns and residents and fellows and doctors and God only know who else is in the room that could have taken 5 minutes to come to me to tell me what the hell was going on. Guess not.
I take the boys downstairs to recovery and I go in to see him. He is somewhat out of it and I ask the nurse how things went.
"Well, Mr. Sallee did not do so well during the procedure. The pain medication did not work and he screamed a good part of the time." PREGNANT PAUSE ON MY PART WITH A SICK FEELING OF TERROR IN MY HEAD! Are you all hearing what I am telling you?????
Gary had a TUBE put into his liver through his side and he was not medicated enough and felt the whole thing and screamed as they PROCEEDED to do the procedure. I am sick retelling this to you. Many of you know I am fairly level headed and rarely cry. I spent the entire time on our way home from the hospital crying and thinking about what it must have been like for him during that time.
My gosh. That is the last thing Gary deserves. Hasn't the guy been through enough????? What the hell were the people in that room thinking??? Wasn't there an anesthesiologist in the room? Is there a good answer?
I have no answers because no doctor bothered to talk to us after the procedure to tell us how things went. I AM HIS WIFE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I deserve to be treated with due respect and I should have been told how things went. That is just common courtesy.
I am really trying hard to have faith in the people caring for him. I know they are talented doctors. I know Dr. Barth wants us to have faith in them as well.
I do not know how I am going to handle this tomorrow. I do know that I am very upset and need to know why Gary had to suffer on that table. I also want to know why no one came out to let me know how things went. There must be a great reason and I am looking forward to finding out what it is.
I know I set the tone and I ALWAYS try my hardest to cooperate and go with the flow and do as I am told. I do not like to rock the boat but this time I think a little rocking is necessary.
Anyhow, Gary is wiped and will hopefully get some rest tonight.
I will update after speaking with docs tomorrow.
Off to bed.
Love,
L
I had planned to take the boys to the beach tomorrow but plans have changed.
Jake is spending the night tonight so that I can leave for the hospital before sunlight. I hate traffic and will hopefully avoid most of it by leaving so stinking early.
The past few days have been long and daunting. Waiting for answers and plans is very difficult. We had not spoken to Dr. Barth in days. One day Gary is rushed up to USC for immediate surgery and then days later we are sitting with no real plan and waiting for something or anything to happen. Not talking to Dr. Barth makes this situation very difficult. I know how challenging it is to be a physician BUT try being the person laying in the bed with cancer. We have limited knowledge and frankly what we are going through is very scary at times.
I got to the hospital at 11:00 and at 12:30 Gary was taken into surgery to insert the tube into his liver to drain the blocked bile duct. I asked how long Gary would be and I was told he would be back in 2 to 2 1/2 hours. So, the kids and I wait.
Realize that Gary has had something similar done with his kidneys and it was fairly uncomplicated and he was back in his room within a 2 hour time period. I felt that this was going to be a tolerable procedure.
So, I wait. 2 1/2 hours.......3 hours.........3 1/2 hours.........4 hours. Finally, I go to the nurses station to ask where he is. I am told that he is in recovery. Recovery? No one explained this to me or to Gary. What the hell? I have been friggin waiting all this time with ABSOLUTELY NO COMMUNICATION. I HATE NO COMMUNICATION MORE THAN ANYTHING WHEN IT COMES TO GARY'S CARE! There are interns and residents and fellows and doctors and God only know who else is in the room that could have taken 5 minutes to come to me to tell me what the hell was going on. Guess not.
I take the boys downstairs to recovery and I go in to see him. He is somewhat out of it and I ask the nurse how things went.
"Well, Mr. Sallee did not do so well during the procedure. The pain medication did not work and he screamed a good part of the time." PREGNANT PAUSE ON MY PART WITH A SICK FEELING OF TERROR IN MY HEAD! Are you all hearing what I am telling you?????
Gary had a TUBE put into his liver through his side and he was not medicated enough and felt the whole thing and screamed as they PROCEEDED to do the procedure. I am sick retelling this to you. Many of you know I am fairly level headed and rarely cry. I spent the entire time on our way home from the hospital crying and thinking about what it must have been like for him during that time.
My gosh. That is the last thing Gary deserves. Hasn't the guy been through enough????? What the hell were the people in that room thinking??? Wasn't there an anesthesiologist in the room? Is there a good answer?
I have no answers because no doctor bothered to talk to us after the procedure to tell us how things went. I AM HIS WIFE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I deserve to be treated with due respect and I should have been told how things went. That is just common courtesy.
I am really trying hard to have faith in the people caring for him. I know they are talented doctors. I know Dr. Barth wants us to have faith in them as well.
I do not know how I am going to handle this tomorrow. I do know that I am very upset and need to know why Gary had to suffer on that table. I also want to know why no one came out to let me know how things went. There must be a great reason and I am looking forward to finding out what it is.
I know I set the tone and I ALWAYS try my hardest to cooperate and go with the flow and do as I am told. I do not like to rock the boat but this time I think a little rocking is necessary.
Anyhow, Gary is wiped and will hopefully get some rest tonight.
I will update after speaking with docs tomorrow.
Off to bed.
Love,
L
Friday, July 25, 2008
Decoding Confusion
Hi everyone.
I need you all to pray. Please pray for Christine. Christine is the sister of my very close friend and she is 39 and has a husband and 2 small children. Christine was just diagnosed with what appears to be Stage IV Ovarian Cancer. The story is too familiar and Christine has been being treated for issues concerning her bladder for quite some time. I am guessing that this was overlooked (obviously). I can tell you speaking from experience that this is probably one of the most sickening things you never want to hear. I am asking you to pray for her and for her family. They NEED your prayers right now as they figure out the mass confusion of what doc to go to and what treatment to have and how to tell the kids and everything else horrible that goes along with this kind of news.
You have all prayed for our family faithfully and we have felt those prayers and I ask that you say of prayer for this family as well.
On to other cancer news.
Well, we just got done meeting with Dr. Selby and his team as well as with Dr. Ault via speaker phone.
Here is the new and very different plan of attack.
They are not going to be doing ANY surgery at this point but Gary has to remain hospitalized. Our BIG focus is getting Gary back to his chemo and Avastin regimen as quickly as possible and until they take care of and resolve the following problems we can not move forward with treatment.
Let's start with the liver.
Gary has some blocked bile ducts in the left lobe of the liver where the lesion is. Dr. Selby will "perk" him (put a drain into his duct) to alleviate this blockage and take the risk for infection down. They will do this Monday.
They will leave the drain in and then Gary will have a catheter inserted through his leg and up into his liver and the chemotherapy will be administered directly to his liver.
As soon as the disease shrinks more then they can possibly do surgery to remove it. Dr. Selby is afraid to remove the small liver lesion because it could spread the disease further and God already knows we do not need that!
Now on to the really complicated portion of our situation...Gary's bowels.
Gary had an enema scan today and guess what? No obstruction. No narrowing. No nothing abnormal is showing up. The doctors are stumped. Gary is in severe pain still with no medical explanation. There is a portion of the lower small intestines that looks "ratty" like an old used rope but things seem to be flowing fine. Is it possible that it is damaged beyond repair? Yes say the docs but very unlikely. I keep reminding every new medical team that everything with Gary is "very unlikely".
The plan is this......Gary will drink Magnesium Citrate which will inevitably induce #2 (painful and lots of it!). TMI, huh?
If he successfully "goes" then they will start him on solid foods and we will see what happens.
If by Thursday or Friday he has not had #2 on his own then they will do surgery and explore the colon to determine what is causing the loss of functionality. It really is not functioning but anatomically there is nothing wrong with it.
Until it is figured out we can't have systemic therapy (chemo or Avastin).
They will give another shot with trying to control Gary's pain by giving his an epidural tomorrow morning. It did not work last time when he was at Hoag in February but you never know this time around!
I hope I explained everything correctly.
One very important closing thought.
I am here to tell you that prayer changes things people. I want you to really believe what you are praying about instead of just saying it. We had the opportunity to meet with a faithful man who prayed over Gary right before he was transferred here. One day I will share the whole story with you but I will say that maybe God's timing is coming and we will see a complete healing in Gary.
The unobstruction of Gary's bowel could just be just the beginning ....
Please pray for faith and peace and healing for our family as well as for Christine's family.
Love,
Lisa
I need you all to pray. Please pray for Christine. Christine is the sister of my very close friend and she is 39 and has a husband and 2 small children. Christine was just diagnosed with what appears to be Stage IV Ovarian Cancer. The story is too familiar and Christine has been being treated for issues concerning her bladder for quite some time. I am guessing that this was overlooked (obviously). I can tell you speaking from experience that this is probably one of the most sickening things you never want to hear. I am asking you to pray for her and for her family. They NEED your prayers right now as they figure out the mass confusion of what doc to go to and what treatment to have and how to tell the kids and everything else horrible that goes along with this kind of news.
You have all prayed for our family faithfully and we have felt those prayers and I ask that you say of prayer for this family as well.
On to other cancer news.
Well, we just got done meeting with Dr. Selby and his team as well as with Dr. Ault via speaker phone.
Here is the new and very different plan of attack.
They are not going to be doing ANY surgery at this point but Gary has to remain hospitalized. Our BIG focus is getting Gary back to his chemo and Avastin regimen as quickly as possible and until they take care of and resolve the following problems we can not move forward with treatment.
Let's start with the liver.
Gary has some blocked bile ducts in the left lobe of the liver where the lesion is. Dr. Selby will "perk" him (put a drain into his duct) to alleviate this blockage and take the risk for infection down. They will do this Monday.
They will leave the drain in and then Gary will have a catheter inserted through his leg and up into his liver and the chemotherapy will be administered directly to his liver.
As soon as the disease shrinks more then they can possibly do surgery to remove it. Dr. Selby is afraid to remove the small liver lesion because it could spread the disease further and God already knows we do not need that!
Now on to the really complicated portion of our situation...Gary's bowels.
Gary had an enema scan today and guess what? No obstruction. No narrowing. No nothing abnormal is showing up. The doctors are stumped. Gary is in severe pain still with no medical explanation. There is a portion of the lower small intestines that looks "ratty" like an old used rope but things seem to be flowing fine. Is it possible that it is damaged beyond repair? Yes say the docs but very unlikely. I keep reminding every new medical team that everything with Gary is "very unlikely".
The plan is this......Gary will drink Magnesium Citrate which will inevitably induce #2 (painful and lots of it!). TMI, huh?
If he successfully "goes" then they will start him on solid foods and we will see what happens.
If by Thursday or Friday he has not had #2 on his own then they will do surgery and explore the colon to determine what is causing the loss of functionality. It really is not functioning but anatomically there is nothing wrong with it.
Until it is figured out we can't have systemic therapy (chemo or Avastin).
They will give another shot with trying to control Gary's pain by giving his an epidural tomorrow morning. It did not work last time when he was at Hoag in February but you never know this time around!
I hope I explained everything correctly.
One very important closing thought.
I am here to tell you that prayer changes things people. I want you to really believe what you are praying about instead of just saying it. We had the opportunity to meet with a faithful man who prayed over Gary right before he was transferred here. One day I will share the whole story with you but I will say that maybe God's timing is coming and we will see a complete healing in Gary.
The unobstruction of Gary's bowel could just be just the beginning ....
Please pray for faith and peace and healing for our family as well as for Christine's family.
Love,
Lisa
SURGERY
It is official. Gary will have surgery. When?? Unknown. With whom? A team from SC. I am leaving the office right now to head up there and when I find out more I will blog from Gary Central!!
Love, Me
Love, Me
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Zach keeps us rolling
The things you can learn from your 4th grader.......
Zach was staring at Gary's facial hair and commented that one day he wanted to have facial hair like his Dad. I then told him that he would not be allowed to have facial hair until he was in college because I did not think that our school district allowed facial hair.
Well, Zach informed us that facial hair is totally allowed in school. I argued and then he proceeded to tell us that this girl in so and so's class has facial hair! She has a black peach fuzz moustache. He says it is not very long and maybe that is why the school allows it!
He thinks it is weird and I told him that if I had a daughter that either has a unibrow or moustache I would wax her ASAP! Then, I would prevent kids like my son talking about her "school accepted" facial hair! Poor girl. I hope her parents get a grip and wax that lip!!!!
Still no word from ANY doctors. We are moving at a seriously slow snails pace.
Smiles,
L
Zach was staring at Gary's facial hair and commented that one day he wanted to have facial hair like his Dad. I then told him that he would not be allowed to have facial hair until he was in college because I did not think that our school district allowed facial hair.
Well, Zach informed us that facial hair is totally allowed in school. I argued and then he proceeded to tell us that this girl in so and so's class has facial hair! She has a black peach fuzz moustache. He says it is not very long and maybe that is why the school allows it!
He thinks it is weird and I told him that if I had a daughter that either has a unibrow or moustache I would wax her ASAP! Then, I would prevent kids like my son talking about her "school accepted" facial hair! Poor girl. I hope her parents get a grip and wax that lip!!!!
Still no word from ANY doctors. We are moving at a seriously slow snails pace.
Smiles,
L
USC
Good Morning.
I wish I had the time to tell you about the past 15 hours but I don't. I will tell you that last night after leaving USC University and getting lost while trying to find the hotel both Zach and I were scared to death as we drove through LA and thought someone was going to pull up next to us and pop a few caps in our A%#! I am an OC girl through and through and there is NO doubt about that fact!
Anyhow, Gary was scheduled for surgery this morning but they bumped him for a more urgent case. We are waiting to see when surgery will be and I will let you know.
This hospital is NOT Hoag! You would think with all the $$$$$ that USC has their hospital would be a little nicer. Oh well. Gotta go where the talent is and this is where it is!
I need to go see Gary. He will be having CT scans this morning and then we will wait to hear from the doctors.
Keep praying that he is healed.
Love, L
I wish I had the time to tell you about the past 15 hours but I don't. I will tell you that last night after leaving USC University and getting lost while trying to find the hotel both Zach and I were scared to death as we drove through LA and thought someone was going to pull up next to us and pop a few caps in our A%#! I am an OC girl through and through and there is NO doubt about that fact!
Anyhow, Gary was scheduled for surgery this morning but they bumped him for a more urgent case. We are waiting to see when surgery will be and I will let you know.
This hospital is NOT Hoag! You would think with all the $$$$$ that USC has their hospital would be a little nicer. Oh well. Gotta go where the talent is and this is where it is!
I need to go see Gary. He will be having CT scans this morning and then we will wait to hear from the doctors.
Keep praying that he is healed.
Love, L
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Tuesday Night
Hi. I just got home from Hoag and stayed late enough (I was just getting ready to leave) to see and talk to Dr. Barth. He walked in around 10:25 PM to talk to us about our options.
It is much to detailed to tell you everything but I will tell you that Gary is going to be transferred to USC Norris Cancer Center hopefully Thursday or Friday. There is a team of surgeons that can safely operate on Gary's intestines and liver all at the same time. Dr. Wang I believe is lacking the experience needed to help Gary.
Dr. Wang had suggested today that we put the NG tube back up Gary's nose and wait this bowel thing out until we can do surgery (3 week timetable). After our discussion with Dr. Barth we are not going to be in Dr. Wang's care any longer and will most likely be in Dr. Rick Selby's care at USC.
Like I said before, we can not wait any longer. Gary can't receive treatment until this annoying bowel thing is gone. We are already 3 1/2 weeks out of treatment and we run the risk of the cancer spreading by waiting longer. This is a life or death situation for Gary as of right now. We can't let the cancer get ahead of us. We have to stay ahead of it.
Dr. Wang has been minimizing Gary's condition. Gary's bowels are beyond repairing themselves (like we thought). He HAS to have this surgery so that we can focus on the main issue - the cancer.
I am researching hotels in the area or around the area that will be safe for me to stay at. I see Marriot and always feel safe but there are many more and it is a pure and simple safety issue for me. Is Pasadena cIose enough? will do more research but if anyone has firsthand knowledge on a good hotel that won't break the bank please let me know.
I need to get rest. Please keep praying for our family as we move forward aggressively and make decisions regarding Gary's care.
Love,
L
It is much to detailed to tell you everything but I will tell you that Gary is going to be transferred to USC Norris Cancer Center hopefully Thursday or Friday. There is a team of surgeons that can safely operate on Gary's intestines and liver all at the same time. Dr. Wang I believe is lacking the experience needed to help Gary.
Dr. Wang had suggested today that we put the NG tube back up Gary's nose and wait this bowel thing out until we can do surgery (3 week timetable). After our discussion with Dr. Barth we are not going to be in Dr. Wang's care any longer and will most likely be in Dr. Rick Selby's care at USC.
Like I said before, we can not wait any longer. Gary can't receive treatment until this annoying bowel thing is gone. We are already 3 1/2 weeks out of treatment and we run the risk of the cancer spreading by waiting longer. This is a life or death situation for Gary as of right now. We can't let the cancer get ahead of us. We have to stay ahead of it.
Dr. Wang has been minimizing Gary's condition. Gary's bowels are beyond repairing themselves (like we thought). He HAS to have this surgery so that we can focus on the main issue - the cancer.
I am researching hotels in the area or around the area that will be safe for me to stay at. I see Marriot and always feel safe but there are many more and it is a pure and simple safety issue for me. Is Pasadena cIose enough? will do more research but if anyone has firsthand knowledge on a good hotel that won't break the bank please let me know.
I need to get rest. Please keep praying for our family as we move forward aggressively and make decisions regarding Gary's care.
Love,
L
Timing
Good Morning. I thought I had better give you an update.
We moved Gary out of "the hole" and into "Gary's room". For those of you who visited him last time during his 35 day tour at Hoag Gary had a HUGE room! Well, he has that same room but on the 7th floor - right next door to the old room. The 100 or so people who were in that room every day playing guitars and bar b queing have moved on!
So, Gary is in room 728 instead of 727. I know he is much happier.
I wanted to thank those of you who have come to visit Gary. I know it is a long drive and takes time out of your day but it means so much to Gary and to me. Gary is really having a hard time being at Hoag this time. This time is different. He is aware and not completely drugged out of his mind. He enjoys visits and it boosts his spirits. He NEEDS spirit boosting big time!
Gary is having a test done today to see how obstructed he still is. We will know the results tonight hopefully.
Here is the problem.
Gary can not go home until he is unobstructed completely. This is a B I G problem because if the obstruction does not completely resolve itself Gary will stay in the hospital for weeks until they can finally do surgery safely. That could mean upwards of 3 more weeks and then recovery time from the surgery after that point.
Gary's weight is down 18 pounds right now. He can't eat anything but broth and jello. He is being fed still by the TPN IV and if he gains weight it will be from that.
We have not seen Dr. Barth so we have no idea what we are going to do about his treatment and the liver ablation. I was hoping to see Dr. Barth last night but he did not come. I waited until after 10 PM. Hopefully I will catch him tonight.
The kids have been at the beach every single day with friends. They got to go to T Street yesterday and will go again today. Nate has been with Carson for a few days and of course has had a great time! Thank you to our many friends (and my special girlfriends) for helping me and taking on our boys (and Hobie, too!). We feel so great knowing they are all being loved and cared for in our absence.
I have not been sleeping and finally got 7 hours of sleep last night. I feel groggy but a little better.
I am going to start decorating Gary's room again like we did last time. If he has a chance of being there for a while I want to make the room a happier place for him. If everyone could send cards or bring one to him when you see him I think that would be great! I will bring all the blue tape to put everything up. I am going to bring flowers today as well to add the "girlie" touch.
I gotta go and get the boys ready!
I will keep you posted.
PRAYER
Please keep praying that Gary's bowel unobstructs COMPLETELY. It has been partially unobstructed but seems to be having a hard time completely opening up so that Gary can get the heck outta there!
Please pray for Gary's attitude. I can hardly imagine how awful it must be to sit in there day after day - no food, being stuck every couple hours and not being able to see your family on a regual basis. He WANTS your prayers for his continued faith, perserverence, hope and comfort.
It is so hard to see someone you love so much having a hard time coping with an already awful set of circumstances.
Thank you for your continued love and support.
We cherish you all.
Love,
Lisa
We moved Gary out of "the hole" and into "Gary's room". For those of you who visited him last time during his 35 day tour at Hoag Gary had a HUGE room! Well, he has that same room but on the 7th floor - right next door to the old room. The 100 or so people who were in that room every day playing guitars and bar b queing have moved on!
So, Gary is in room 728 instead of 727. I know he is much happier.
I wanted to thank those of you who have come to visit Gary. I know it is a long drive and takes time out of your day but it means so much to Gary and to me. Gary is really having a hard time being at Hoag this time. This time is different. He is aware and not completely drugged out of his mind. He enjoys visits and it boosts his spirits. He NEEDS spirit boosting big time!
Gary is having a test done today to see how obstructed he still is. We will know the results tonight hopefully.
Here is the problem.
Gary can not go home until he is unobstructed completely. This is a B I G problem because if the obstruction does not completely resolve itself Gary will stay in the hospital for weeks until they can finally do surgery safely. That could mean upwards of 3 more weeks and then recovery time from the surgery after that point.
Gary's weight is down 18 pounds right now. He can't eat anything but broth and jello. He is being fed still by the TPN IV and if he gains weight it will be from that.
We have not seen Dr. Barth so we have no idea what we are going to do about his treatment and the liver ablation. I was hoping to see Dr. Barth last night but he did not come. I waited until after 10 PM. Hopefully I will catch him tonight.
The kids have been at the beach every single day with friends. They got to go to T Street yesterday and will go again today. Nate has been with Carson for a few days and of course has had a great time! Thank you to our many friends (and my special girlfriends) for helping me and taking on our boys (and Hobie, too!). We feel so great knowing they are all being loved and cared for in our absence.
I have not been sleeping and finally got 7 hours of sleep last night. I feel groggy but a little better.
I am going to start decorating Gary's room again like we did last time. If he has a chance of being there for a while I want to make the room a happier place for him. If everyone could send cards or bring one to him when you see him I think that would be great! I will bring all the blue tape to put everything up. I am going to bring flowers today as well to add the "girlie" touch.
I gotta go and get the boys ready!
I will keep you posted.
PRAYER
Please keep praying that Gary's bowel unobstructs COMPLETELY. It has been partially unobstructed but seems to be having a hard time completely opening up so that Gary can get the heck outta there!
Please pray for Gary's attitude. I can hardly imagine how awful it must be to sit in there day after day - no food, being stuck every couple hours and not being able to see your family on a regual basis. He WANTS your prayers for his continued faith, perserverence, hope and comfort.
It is so hard to see someone you love so much having a hard time coping with an already awful set of circumstances.
Thank you for your continued love and support.
We cherish you all.
Love,
Lisa
Friday, July 18, 2008
Good News comes with Continued Frustration
Hi.
Today and tonight the kids went to the train tracks on several occasions and placed pennies on the track right before the train came. They had so much fun doing that and their "hot pennies" were flat as paper and they were all very excited. We did this again and again and again. I think we went through 100 pennies!
Well on to my Gary update.
I want you all to know something. After seeing Gary last night I was very down. I watched as they hooked Gary up to TPN (a nutrition bag that feeds Gary via IV) which drips continuously. Then, the TPN is full of so much sugar that they had to give him insulin shots to regulate it! He has NEVER had a problem with blood sugar. His blood pressure has been very high as well which is another thing he has NEVER had a problem with. He was so frustrated and just plain done with being in the hospital and having the NG tube up his nose! I came home and when I went to bed I spent so much time praying - it seemed like hours - for 2 things specifically. First and foremost, I wanted Gary to really feel like God was present in his life. Second, I asked God to somehow unobstruct the obstruction. As of last night, he was completely obstructed.
Well, everything changed this morning. Our prayers were answered and Gary is on the road to recovery. No more tube. They are weaning him from the TPN. His blood pressure is coming down. Things are looking up!!! He was eating Italian ice when we left.
As I drove home from the hospital tonight with Zach we were both excited that Gary was coming home. The nurse came in to tell Gary that he was going home Saturday! We had some contact with the nutritionist and got his diet requirements for the next week. I had the day planned tomorrow and we were ready to go!
Guess what? Gary's not coming home. I found out at 9 PM tonight that the surgeon will not release him so soon after taking the NG tube out. It looks like Monday will be the day unfortunately. We were so close and Gary was so excited.
To be honest I am sick to death of driving to Hoag every day. What a drag although Gary is more than worth it. Those of you who know me very well know that I HATE TO DRIVE PERIOD!!!!!
So, our evening ended on a good note with a disappointing twist. I am thankful that our prayers have been answered but I am sad we can't get him home yet!
He will have the lesion on his liver removed this coming week. It is outpatient which is great. Then, Barth will start him back on his chemo regimen. Back to the chemo grind for Gary.
Zach lost another tooth tonight! The second tooth since we have been here. I don't think he has many more baby teeth to lose. They seem to be literally falling out of his mouth.
Zach and I are sitting outside on the deck right now wrapped up in blankies watching the high tide crash against the rocks and splash up on to the deck. We have been hit a few times by the whitewash and Zach gets a kick out of it. Our Zach sits outside ALL day at the beach house. When he is not in the water he is looking at the water and studying the tides. He is most definitely our kid to the core. He loves the ocean and has the same appreciation we have for it. I love that! The other two love the ocean as well but aren't quite old enough yet to really LOVE it like we do. They will.
Well, I thank you for your continued prayers. We want them, need them and love them.
I will update you with prayer requests tomorrow. For tonight, please take time to thank God for his timing in answering our prayer for the obstruction to resolve itself.
Love,
Lisa
Today and tonight the kids went to the train tracks on several occasions and placed pennies on the track right before the train came. They had so much fun doing that and their "hot pennies" were flat as paper and they were all very excited. We did this again and again and again. I think we went through 100 pennies!
Well on to my Gary update.
I want you all to know something. After seeing Gary last night I was very down. I watched as they hooked Gary up to TPN (a nutrition bag that feeds Gary via IV) which drips continuously. Then, the TPN is full of so much sugar that they had to give him insulin shots to regulate it! He has NEVER had a problem with blood sugar. His blood pressure has been very high as well which is another thing he has NEVER had a problem with. He was so frustrated and just plain done with being in the hospital and having the NG tube up his nose! I came home and when I went to bed I spent so much time praying - it seemed like hours - for 2 things specifically. First and foremost, I wanted Gary to really feel like God was present in his life. Second, I asked God to somehow unobstruct the obstruction. As of last night, he was completely obstructed.
Well, everything changed this morning. Our prayers were answered and Gary is on the road to recovery. No more tube. They are weaning him from the TPN. His blood pressure is coming down. Things are looking up!!! He was eating Italian ice when we left.
As I drove home from the hospital tonight with Zach we were both excited that Gary was coming home. The nurse came in to tell Gary that he was going home Saturday! We had some contact with the nutritionist and got his diet requirements for the next week. I had the day planned tomorrow and we were ready to go!
Guess what? Gary's not coming home. I found out at 9 PM tonight that the surgeon will not release him so soon after taking the NG tube out. It looks like Monday will be the day unfortunately. We were so close and Gary was so excited.
To be honest I am sick to death of driving to Hoag every day. What a drag although Gary is more than worth it. Those of you who know me very well know that I HATE TO DRIVE PERIOD!!!!!
So, our evening ended on a good note with a disappointing twist. I am thankful that our prayers have been answered but I am sad we can't get him home yet!
He will have the lesion on his liver removed this coming week. It is outpatient which is great. Then, Barth will start him back on his chemo regimen. Back to the chemo grind for Gary.
Zach lost another tooth tonight! The second tooth since we have been here. I don't think he has many more baby teeth to lose. They seem to be literally falling out of his mouth.
Zach and I are sitting outside on the deck right now wrapped up in blankies watching the high tide crash against the rocks and splash up on to the deck. We have been hit a few times by the whitewash and Zach gets a kick out of it. Our Zach sits outside ALL day at the beach house. When he is not in the water he is looking at the water and studying the tides. He is most definitely our kid to the core. He loves the ocean and has the same appreciation we have for it. I love that! The other two love the ocean as well but aren't quite old enough yet to really LOVE it like we do. They will.
Well, I thank you for your continued prayers. We want them, need them and love them.
I will update you with prayer requests tomorrow. For tonight, please take time to thank God for his timing in answering our prayer for the obstruction to resolve itself.
Love,
Lisa
Thursday, July 17, 2008
New News
Hi everyone.
Dr. Wang (the surgeon) came to visit Gary last night. He will not operate on Gary right now. It appears that operating now would be way too risky and not possible at this point. What does this mean for Gary?
I am not sure. The doctors make their rounds ater 8 PM most nights and I have not had a chance to sit and talk with them. It is difficult for Gary to know the questions that need to be asked to allow us both to understand what is going on.
I am hoping to be at the hospital tonight so that I can talk with the doctors to find out what the heck the plan is.
In the meantime, the doctor has finally decided to give Gary nutrients through his IV. He has not had anything since Sunday night. This will not cure his hunger pains but it will have to do.
I am not sure what is going on with his liver operation. Maybe that is too risky as well.
The very thing that is responsible for shrinking and killing his cancer (Avastin and Chemo) has created a whole muriad of other problems that we have to deal with now.
Pray for Gary's spirits. He is really having a difficult time. He is frustrated, impatient and angry and who wouldn't be in his situation?
I will see him this afternoon and hopefully after talking to docs I will have a better understanding of what the gameplan is - both short-term and long-term.
Have a blessed day!
Love, Lisa
Dr. Wang (the surgeon) came to visit Gary last night. He will not operate on Gary right now. It appears that operating now would be way too risky and not possible at this point. What does this mean for Gary?
I am not sure. The doctors make their rounds ater 8 PM most nights and I have not had a chance to sit and talk with them. It is difficult for Gary to know the questions that need to be asked to allow us both to understand what is going on.
I am hoping to be at the hospital tonight so that I can talk with the doctors to find out what the heck the plan is.
In the meantime, the doctor has finally decided to give Gary nutrients through his IV. He has not had anything since Sunday night. This will not cure his hunger pains but it will have to do.
I am not sure what is going on with his liver operation. Maybe that is too risky as well.
The very thing that is responsible for shrinking and killing his cancer (Avastin and Chemo) has created a whole muriad of other problems that we have to deal with now.
Pray for Gary's spirits. He is really having a difficult time. He is frustrated, impatient and angry and who wouldn't be in his situation?
I will see him this afternoon and hopefully after talking to docs I will have a better understanding of what the gameplan is - both short-term and long-term.
Have a blessed day!
Love, Lisa
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
The Ocean
6:00 AM
The boys (Nick and Zach) get up and dawn patrol it (skinning it might I add). I took a walk on the beach and enjoyed waking up to the fresh ocean air. The boys stayed out about 45 minutes and then came inside to defrost in hot showers!
Fast forward to7 PM
This is exactly what I needed since I left the hospital to get the kids. I needed to be back at the beach house. I needed the cool ocean air and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks. I love the trains that speed by every hour and I love watching the sun set on the water. In my opinion the ocean is the most beautiful part of earthly creation. Sure, the mountains are beautiful and one of my most favorite vacations was Big Sky Montana in the winter. All of that being said, the ocean still wins in my heart. It is creation perfection.
I am exhausted. Seriously exhausted. Going back and forth to Hoag is challenging. Gary's room is small although he has an amazing ocean view.
It is hard for me to write let alone keep my eyes open. The boys are completely quiet - uttering not a single sound as they watch Surfs Up. They love being here and I love that. We all agree that it would be more special if Gary could share this time with us but it is still super duper special for me and for the boys.
We are waiting hear from Dr. Barth tonight to gain a little more insight. The bowel obstruction has not cleared as hoped. Tonight I am praying really, really hard that this changes so we can avoid surgery.
Gary was in great spirits this morning when the kids and I got there. The boys had lots of fun visiting and snuggling with Gary. Gary was flaring his nostrils and moving his NG tube around and the boys were cracking up! They had a contest to see who could flare their nostrils the best! I videotaped and laughed as I watched all my boys.
After dropping the boys off in Balboa I came back to Hoag and spent time with Gary. We watched 2 Weeks Notice and snuggled in his ever so comfy hospital bed. He began to be very uncomfortable and things seemed to change for him in terms of his pain and discomfort. I was hoping and praying it would subside for good but maybe it will later. I can hold out hope for that.
The boys have enjoyed going to Rite Aid every night and getting the square scoops of ice cream. No Steph - they are not still 33 cents! They are only about a buck each and they are sooo good. I love rainbow sherbert!
I am falling asleep and would like to rest now. If I hear any news from Barth tonight I will blog again and get everyone caught up.
Love,
L
The boys (Nick and Zach) get up and dawn patrol it (skinning it might I add). I took a walk on the beach and enjoyed waking up to the fresh ocean air. The boys stayed out about 45 minutes and then came inside to defrost in hot showers!
Fast forward to7 PM
This is exactly what I needed since I left the hospital to get the kids. I needed to be back at the beach house. I needed the cool ocean air and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks. I love the trains that speed by every hour and I love watching the sun set on the water. In my opinion the ocean is the most beautiful part of earthly creation. Sure, the mountains are beautiful and one of my most favorite vacations was Big Sky Montana in the winter. All of that being said, the ocean still wins in my heart. It is creation perfection.
I am exhausted. Seriously exhausted. Going back and forth to Hoag is challenging. Gary's room is small although he has an amazing ocean view.
It is hard for me to write let alone keep my eyes open. The boys are completely quiet - uttering not a single sound as they watch Surfs Up. They love being here and I love that. We all agree that it would be more special if Gary could share this time with us but it is still super duper special for me and for the boys.
We are waiting hear from Dr. Barth tonight to gain a little more insight. The bowel obstruction has not cleared as hoped. Tonight I am praying really, really hard that this changes so we can avoid surgery.
Gary was in great spirits this morning when the kids and I got there. The boys had lots of fun visiting and snuggling with Gary. Gary was flaring his nostrils and moving his NG tube around and the boys were cracking up! They had a contest to see who could flare their nostrils the best! I videotaped and laughed as I watched all my boys.
After dropping the boys off in Balboa I came back to Hoag and spent time with Gary. We watched 2 Weeks Notice and snuggled in his ever so comfy hospital bed. He began to be very uncomfortable and things seemed to change for him in terms of his pain and discomfort. I was hoping and praying it would subside for good but maybe it will later. I can hold out hope for that.
The boys have enjoyed going to Rite Aid every night and getting the square scoops of ice cream. No Steph - they are not still 33 cents! They are only about a buck each and they are sooo good. I love rainbow sherbert!
I am falling asleep and would like to rest now. If I hear any news from Barth tonight I will blog again and get everyone caught up.
Love,
L
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
It's Complicated
Let's start with some random thoughts for the night..........
Pizza Port in San Clemente has GREAT pizza. The bar b que chicken is awesome and their sausage is good, too.
Gloria makes amazing ribs! YUM YUM!!
This beach house is beyond words.
We love our family and friends!!
Now, let's talk about our very complicated situation.
I am going to break things down as simply as possible by using bullet points so that it might make more sense to all of you. Here goes nothing..........
1. Gary remains in the hospital and the earliest he will go home is Sunday or Monday. :(
2. Gary has a bowel obstruction. This does not mean that there is something literally stuck inside his small intestine. His intestine is "kinked" and scar tissue seems to be the culprit.
3. Gary is taking Avastin and Coumadin. Both of these drugs cause bleeding and delay healing.
4. The doctors do not want to touch Gary and are avoiding surgery for now because of the drug complications. Gary is a HUGE risk for surgery right now.
5. As of tonight, the "kink" remains. The Xray shows no change.
6. Gary's white blood cell count is down from 21,000 to a normal range. He was given antibiotics and this seems to have helped.
7. The NG tube remains - up his nose and down into his stomach. This is in place to bypass the intestines so that they don't have to work. The theory is that the intestines rest, the inflammation around the "kink" or obstruction subsides, and this gives the intestines a chance to move and free themselves from this "kink".
8. No more fevers and his pain is much better. Resting his intestines seems to be working on the pain management front.
9. Dr. Barth wants to remove the lesion on Gary's liver. The lesion has not shrunk BUT it shows evidence of necrosis - death to the cancerous lesion. YEAH!! Take it out!! They will remove it by ablating it (lancing it if you will).
10. The surgeon will be in tomorrow to talk to us about the possibility of doing this.
11. Here is a hurdle we now face. This will seem like really bad news but I know everything will work and I have peace about this. The chemo and the Avastin are working BUT we will have to find another form of treatment for Gary. This treatment compromises Gary's body too much and his body can't withstand it any longer. Dr. Barth is working on a new plan.
12. Gary can't eat or drink anything. He is not too happy as his mouth is dry and his throat is killing him from the NG t ube.
I told you it was complicated! Denise Richards does not know the meaning of complicated!
PRAYER IS NEEDED (and wanted):
1. Pray that the small intestine unobstructs without surgery.
2. Pray for Dr. Barth. Pray that his mind is clear and the brilliance God gifted him with can take us in the right direction. Carolyn asked me tonight "Where does the genius go to get guidance? "Pray that Dr. Barth can help to find us another treatment plan that will work for Gary.
3. Pray that the kids will remain happy and healthy through this hospital stay. I know being at the beach house has taken their mind off of things and has been a tremendous blessing.
4. Pray for me. Pray that I can support Gary and just be there for him. Pray that I can help to make his hospital stay just a little bit more tolerable.
Guess what? The Gilbert's have my most favorite movie - Sabrina. I LOVE THIS MOVIE. So, I gotta go and watch it!!! I am forcing Nick, Zach and Jake to watch it with me as well! Poor guys. A chick flick is good for these teenage boys (Zach, too).
Love,
L
Pizza Port in San Clemente has GREAT pizza. The bar b que chicken is awesome and their sausage is good, too.
Gloria makes amazing ribs! YUM YUM!!
This beach house is beyond words.
We love our family and friends!!
Now, let's talk about our very complicated situation.
I am going to break things down as simply as possible by using bullet points so that it might make more sense to all of you. Here goes nothing..........
1. Gary remains in the hospital and the earliest he will go home is Sunday or Monday. :(
2. Gary has a bowel obstruction. This does not mean that there is something literally stuck inside his small intestine. His intestine is "kinked" and scar tissue seems to be the culprit.
3. Gary is taking Avastin and Coumadin. Both of these drugs cause bleeding and delay healing.
4. The doctors do not want to touch Gary and are avoiding surgery for now because of the drug complications. Gary is a HUGE risk for surgery right now.
5. As of tonight, the "kink" remains. The Xray shows no change.
6. Gary's white blood cell count is down from 21,000 to a normal range. He was given antibiotics and this seems to have helped.
7. The NG tube remains - up his nose and down into his stomach. This is in place to bypass the intestines so that they don't have to work. The theory is that the intestines rest, the inflammation around the "kink" or obstruction subsides, and this gives the intestines a chance to move and free themselves from this "kink".
8. No more fevers and his pain is much better. Resting his intestines seems to be working on the pain management front.
9. Dr. Barth wants to remove the lesion on Gary's liver. The lesion has not shrunk BUT it shows evidence of necrosis - death to the cancerous lesion. YEAH!! Take it out!! They will remove it by ablating it (lancing it if you will).
10. The surgeon will be in tomorrow to talk to us about the possibility of doing this.
11. Here is a hurdle we now face. This will seem like really bad news but I know everything will work and I have peace about this. The chemo and the Avastin are working BUT we will have to find another form of treatment for Gary. This treatment compromises Gary's body too much and his body can't withstand it any longer. Dr. Barth is working on a new plan.
12. Gary can't eat or drink anything. He is not too happy as his mouth is dry and his throat is killing him from the NG t ube.
I told you it was complicated! Denise Richards does not know the meaning of complicated!
PRAYER IS NEEDED (and wanted):
1. Pray that the small intestine unobstructs without surgery.
2. Pray for Dr. Barth. Pray that his mind is clear and the brilliance God gifted him with can take us in the right direction. Carolyn asked me tonight "Where does the genius go to get guidance? "Pray that Dr. Barth can help to find us another treatment plan that will work for Gary.
3. Pray that the kids will remain happy and healthy through this hospital stay. I know being at the beach house has taken their mind off of things and has been a tremendous blessing.
4. Pray for me. Pray that I can support Gary and just be there for him. Pray that I can help to make his hospital stay just a little bit more tolerable.
Guess what? The Gilbert's have my most favorite movie - Sabrina. I LOVE THIS MOVIE. So, I gotta go and watch it!!! I am forcing Nick, Zach and Jake to watch it with me as well! Poor guys. A chick flick is good for these teenage boys (Zach, too).
Love,
L
Monday, July 14, 2008
HOSPITAL UPDATE
Hi.
Gary has a PCA pump now that delivers a constant flow of Dilaudid to help manage his pain.
The NG tube is causing him serious discomfort and pain in his throat. They had to insert it up his nose and down into his stomach. It will stay in place for 48 hours.
We are hoping and praying that Gary will not have to have surgery to fix the bowel obstruction. We are hoping that the obstruction will go away. He will be in the hospital for at least another 2 days and hopefully not more than that. We will see.
The Avastin Gary is taking complicates things drastically because it causes bleeding and delays healing. If Gary were to have to have surgery this would obviously be a problem.
I am back at the beach house with the boys. Jake is here with me and he is staying on to help me with the boys while I go back and forth to Hoag. He is so great with the boys and they love him.
The boys had a great time in Balboa today and are looking forward to spending more time down there this week.
The sunset was amazing again - 3 for 3! I felt extremely guilty being here tonight and enjoying my down time with Gary painfully struggling in the hospital. He would want me to relax and have a great time and I am trying to enjoy every moment.
Pray and keep praying. We feel those prayers that you offer up on our behalf!
Love,
Lisa
Gary has a PCA pump now that delivers a constant flow of Dilaudid to help manage his pain.
The NG tube is causing him serious discomfort and pain in his throat. They had to insert it up his nose and down into his stomach. It will stay in place for 48 hours.
We are hoping and praying that Gary will not have to have surgery to fix the bowel obstruction. We are hoping that the obstruction will go away. He will be in the hospital for at least another 2 days and hopefully not more than that. We will see.
The Avastin Gary is taking complicates things drastically because it causes bleeding and delays healing. If Gary were to have to have surgery this would obviously be a problem.
I am back at the beach house with the boys. Jake is here with me and he is staying on to help me with the boys while I go back and forth to Hoag. He is so great with the boys and they love him.
The boys had a great time in Balboa today and are looking forward to spending more time down there this week.
The sunset was amazing again - 3 for 3! I felt extremely guilty being here tonight and enjoying my down time with Gary painfully struggling in the hospital. He would want me to relax and have a great time and I am trying to enjoy every moment.
Pray and keep praying. We feel those prayers that you offer up on our behalf!
Love,
Lisa
HOAG HOSPITAL
It is such a beautiful day outside and I had BIG PLANS for this glorious day. Unfortunately, plans have changed like they usually do and I find myself sitting in the Hoag Resource Center blogging to all of you.
Gary has been feeling really sick for the past 2 weeks and he started to get really bad on Friday night when we were at the Heslar's. I tried to get him to go to the doctors then but he refused and we continued on at the beach house.
Well, in the wee hours of the morning Gary hit rock bottom and was in so much pain and throwing up so much that I did not give him a choice and here we are.
The boys are in Balboa - as planned - and Gary has been admitted to Room 727. Gary has a bowel obstruction. I do not know whether the obstruction is in the large or small intestines or whether or not the bowel is being estrangulated. We do not know what is causing the bowel obstruction either. We are waiting for Dr. Wang (Dr. Barth is sending him to us) to let us know how things will go from here. Usually with a bowel obstruction surgery to remove the obstruction is normal.
As soon as I know anything I will let all of you know.
My heart breaks that Gary can't enjoy the beach house. Gary really wants the boys to continue on with our vacation so Jake (their amazing babysitter) will be taking care of them at the beach house during the times I am gone and I am sure my family that is staying in Balboa along with other friends will be helping out to make sure the boys lives are as normal as possible right now.
Our main priority (Gary's and mine) is to make sure everything stays as stable as possible for the boys. It is so important to us and it has been the best way to do things during past hospital stays!
Hang in there with us.
Love,
L
Gary has been feeling really sick for the past 2 weeks and he started to get really bad on Friday night when we were at the Heslar's. I tried to get him to go to the doctors then but he refused and we continued on at the beach house.
Well, in the wee hours of the morning Gary hit rock bottom and was in so much pain and throwing up so much that I did not give him a choice and here we are.
The boys are in Balboa - as planned - and Gary has been admitted to Room 727. Gary has a bowel obstruction. I do not know whether the obstruction is in the large or small intestines or whether or not the bowel is being estrangulated. We do not know what is causing the bowel obstruction either. We are waiting for Dr. Wang (Dr. Barth is sending him to us) to let us know how things will go from here. Usually with a bowel obstruction surgery to remove the obstruction is normal.
As soon as I know anything I will let all of you know.
My heart breaks that Gary can't enjoy the beach house. Gary really wants the boys to continue on with our vacation so Jake (their amazing babysitter) will be taking care of them at the beach house during the times I am gone and I am sure my family that is staying in Balboa along with other friends will be helping out to make sure the boys lives are as normal as possible right now.
Our main priority (Gary's and mine) is to make sure everything stays as stable as possible for the boys. It is so important to us and it has been the best way to do things during past hospital stays!
Hang in there with us.
Love,
L
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Sunsets
Another beautiful sunset tonight. I guess you would have to say that we are two for two in the beautiful sunset department. For those of you who are not aware of where we are we are actually in a beach house SMACK DAB ON THE SAND in San Clemente! We are here for a week and would could not imagine a more perfect place to be with our boys.
Last year we had planned on taking the boys to Hawaii before the s%#t hit the fan. Needless to say, we have postponed that trip and now we have landed in the paradise right in our own backyard!
The beach house is owned by some amazingly generous people in our church family and we feel so so so so lucky! It is so easy to relax here and just get lost in the smell of the air and the sound of the waves CRASHING right outside the door. This house is so special and we feel really special just being here.
The boys were body surfing and playing in the water all afternoon today. The weather is beautiful and a little less humid today than yesterday.
Gary had the entire morning to himself and LOVED it. He said that being alone and relaxing here is much different and BETTER than at home. I was so happy he enjoyed himself.
We had a great dinner last night with Jeff, Joyce, GG and Toni. Jax was quite the "Shut Box" player last night. My family is full of card playing people but last night we played a dice game called Shut Box. Jax LOVED it and Zach played too. I love playing card and dice games. I could sit on the beach all day playing cards or dice games.
Tonight we had a great dinner with the Mucks. Evans???? Where were you????? Briwicks (at least the females) did American Girl things all day in LA. The Marvel's are probably loving camping in the Sequoias right now with all of their friends! Our home group is so great and we enjoy hanging out with them. We originally thought we would try and have our home group over here for dinner tonight and then we remembered we had Cole and Tressa's party this afternoon. So, we cancelled and never got to the actual planning stage. Then, I decided that the boys and I wanted to stay here today with Gary and so we sadly did not go to the party BUT happily enjoyed just being here with Gary and the people from our Home Group who showed up!! Feel better Sam!
Tomorrow the boys are going to Balboa with Jeff, Joyce and GG for the day while Gary and I go to the doctor office at Hoag. The boys should have lots of fun!!!
Gary and I are watching Family Jewels and listening to the waves crashing and the trains passing by. Going to sleep with that in the background is music to my ears. There is no place I would rather be - especially with Gary!
This morning Zachary woke me up at 5:35 AM. He was sooooooo excited to tell me that there were hundreds of dolphins playing around in the waters right outside the back glass doors! How exciting and what a great treat to wake up to. The other boys want me to wake them up tomorrow morning so that they can hopefully see some dolphins, too.
Zach was on the rocks with the kids and he thought he had a pebble in his mouth so he spit it out quickly and then discovered that it was his TOOTH! He lost that darn tooth. He lost another tooth a while back at Surf Camp and Nate swallowed a tooth in the pool last summer. What's up with our boys and their teeth? I never remember losing a lost tooth or swallowing it. Weird kids.
The boys got their hair cut at Stew's today. Jax wanted a buzz cut and the bopsy twins got long haircuts. They all look cute as usual and I am glad they got their hair cut finally.
I must go now. Please pray that tomorrow we are able to get some answers as to why Gary is so incedibly uncomfortable. He is really struggling right now.
Have a wonderful evening.
Remember to keep the faith always!
Love, L
Last year we had planned on taking the boys to Hawaii before the s%#t hit the fan. Needless to say, we have postponed that trip and now we have landed in the paradise right in our own backyard!
The beach house is owned by some amazingly generous people in our church family and we feel so so so so lucky! It is so easy to relax here and just get lost in the smell of the air and the sound of the waves CRASHING right outside the door. This house is so special and we feel really special just being here.
The boys were body surfing and playing in the water all afternoon today. The weather is beautiful and a little less humid today than yesterday.
Gary had the entire morning to himself and LOVED it. He said that being alone and relaxing here is much different and BETTER than at home. I was so happy he enjoyed himself.
We had a great dinner last night with Jeff, Joyce, GG and Toni. Jax was quite the "Shut Box" player last night. My family is full of card playing people but last night we played a dice game called Shut Box. Jax LOVED it and Zach played too. I love playing card and dice games. I could sit on the beach all day playing cards or dice games.
Tonight we had a great dinner with the Mucks. Evans???? Where were you????? Briwicks (at least the females) did American Girl things all day in LA. The Marvel's are probably loving camping in the Sequoias right now with all of their friends! Our home group is so great and we enjoy hanging out with them. We originally thought we would try and have our home group over here for dinner tonight and then we remembered we had Cole and Tressa's party this afternoon. So, we cancelled and never got to the actual planning stage. Then, I decided that the boys and I wanted to stay here today with Gary and so we sadly did not go to the party BUT happily enjoyed just being here with Gary and the people from our Home Group who showed up!! Feel better Sam!
Tomorrow the boys are going to Balboa with Jeff, Joyce and GG for the day while Gary and I go to the doctor office at Hoag. The boys should have lots of fun!!!
Gary and I are watching Family Jewels and listening to the waves crashing and the trains passing by. Going to sleep with that in the background is music to my ears. There is no place I would rather be - especially with Gary!
This morning Zachary woke me up at 5:35 AM. He was sooooooo excited to tell me that there were hundreds of dolphins playing around in the waters right outside the back glass doors! How exciting and what a great treat to wake up to. The other boys want me to wake them up tomorrow morning so that they can hopefully see some dolphins, too.
Zach was on the rocks with the kids and he thought he had a pebble in his mouth so he spit it out quickly and then discovered that it was his TOOTH! He lost that darn tooth. He lost another tooth a while back at Surf Camp and Nate swallowed a tooth in the pool last summer. What's up with our boys and their teeth? I never remember losing a lost tooth or swallowing it. Weird kids.
The boys got their hair cut at Stew's today. Jax wanted a buzz cut and the bopsy twins got long haircuts. They all look cute as usual and I am glad they got their hair cut finally.
I must go now. Please pray that tomorrow we are able to get some answers as to why Gary is so incedibly uncomfortable. He is really struggling right now.
Have a wonderful evening.
Remember to keep the faith always!
Love, L
Friday, July 11, 2008
Friday July 11 2008
Good Morning.
I forgot to give most of you an update after our appointment with Dr. Barth on Wednesday morning. Thank you for all being so patient.
Well, Gary had the Avastin treatment but did not have chemo on Wednesday. His platelets were over 100,000 but Dr. Barth felt that they needed to be a little higher before blasting Gary with another round of chemo. It is probably a good thing considering Gary has been in fairly poor shape all week. We are shooting for Monday at the Hoag Office.
Gary is in considerable pain and discomfort in his abdomen. He has barely left the house in weeks and he is in bed most of the time. He did go to church and he does get up to do dishes, laundry and some other household things. I think that once he gets in a good position in bed and the pain/discomfort subsides even a little bit he probably doesn't want to move. Who could blame the man!
On July 25th we will have scans done on his liver. These scans will tell us if the cancer in his liver is responding to the treatments (Avastin and chemo cocktail). The cancer in his liver is the only cancer in his body that has not been impacted by radiation. It is what they call a biological marker and will be used to measure either the success or unsuccessfulness of the treatments. If the cancer is shrinking, we will remove the lesion on his liver and continue with treatment as scheduled. If the cancer is not shrinking, we will remove the lesion anyway and we will have to switch gears with his treatment regimen.
We are all praying that the current treatment is working.
Gary actually just came down to sit on the couch with me. He has an Ensure in his hand and he is trying to wake up!
I have to get going but wanted to touch base with all of you to give you the latest.
Have a great weekend and I will blog if anything changes. If not, look for the Monday blog.
Love,
Lisa
I forgot to give most of you an update after our appointment with Dr. Barth on Wednesday morning. Thank you for all being so patient.
Well, Gary had the Avastin treatment but did not have chemo on Wednesday. His platelets were over 100,000 but Dr. Barth felt that they needed to be a little higher before blasting Gary with another round of chemo. It is probably a good thing considering Gary has been in fairly poor shape all week. We are shooting for Monday at the Hoag Office.
Gary is in considerable pain and discomfort in his abdomen. He has barely left the house in weeks and he is in bed most of the time. He did go to church and he does get up to do dishes, laundry and some other household things. I think that once he gets in a good position in bed and the pain/discomfort subsides even a little bit he probably doesn't want to move. Who could blame the man!
On July 25th we will have scans done on his liver. These scans will tell us if the cancer in his liver is responding to the treatments (Avastin and chemo cocktail). The cancer in his liver is the only cancer in his body that has not been impacted by radiation. It is what they call a biological marker and will be used to measure either the success or unsuccessfulness of the treatments. If the cancer is shrinking, we will remove the lesion on his liver and continue with treatment as scheduled. If the cancer is not shrinking, we will remove the lesion anyway and we will have to switch gears with his treatment regimen.
We are all praying that the current treatment is working.
Gary actually just came down to sit on the couch with me. He has an Ensure in his hand and he is trying to wake up!
I have to get going but wanted to touch base with all of you to give you the latest.
Have a great weekend and I will blog if anything changes. If not, look for the Monday blog.
Love,
Lisa
Monday, July 7, 2008
There Have Been Better Days
Did any of you see the season finale of The Bachelorette? If I say anything the ending will be ruined for those of you who might have DVRed it. Just watch and weep with me!
Today was simply a BAD DAY for my man. Gary was not feeling well and it started first thing this morning! I can tell when he is really feeling awful. In the mornings I sit at the vanity and Gary walks by me to use the restroom. He will always touch me as he walks by, tell me he loves me and says good morning. Do you think he did that this morning? Nope. Nothing.
He was snappy at the boys (low on the patience scale) on our way up to the office and then at the office he had his moments of snappiness as well. He was extremely untalkative and he has not smiled ALL DAY.
I feel so bad for him BUT at the same time I have developed zero tolerance for snappiness. Just because Gary has cancer does not give him the automatic right to be snappy! If you don't have anything nice to say - zippy your lippy! You are all thinking how harsh I am and what a b#@ch. Whatever. You can come to my house and live in my shoes day after day and we will see how you handle the snappiness! My new motto is HAPPINESS not SNAPPINESS!
He really wasn't that bad to be honest with you and I am not complaining because he always tries so incredibly hard not allow his pain and discomfot affect us. It happens from time to time and it is okay! But only from time to time! Crack that whip!!!
He was doing a little better tonight and Angela surprised him with her FAMOUS homemade Dump Cake. Gary LOVES that cake and he was stoked she made it for him. He enjoyed a very large helping of it tonight after he ate 4 hot dogs. Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that after losing 14 lbs last week he successfully gained 7 back over the weekend. We will give the credit for this weight gain to donuts, twice baked potatoes smothered in cheese, burgers, fries, milkshakes, Dump Cake, cookies, ice cream and so many other fattening things he shoveled down his throat. Wouldn't it be great to actually HAVE to gain weight? What woman wouldn't want that problem???
Gary's platelets fell today and are hovering around 65. He should be between 150-400. If his counts do not go above 100 by Wednesday then he will not be able to have his scheduled treatment. We will have to wait and see.
Let's pray for HAPPINESS for Gary tomorrow. Hopefully he will feel much better and be able to smile. Nothing sucks more than when you feel like crap.
Please keep praying for TOTAL SPONTANEOUS REMISSION for this stupid cancer in Gary's body. We want it to GO AWAY FOREVER!
God loves you and so do we!
Good Night!
Love, L
Today was simply a BAD DAY for my man. Gary was not feeling well and it started first thing this morning! I can tell when he is really feeling awful. In the mornings I sit at the vanity and Gary walks by me to use the restroom. He will always touch me as he walks by, tell me he loves me and says good morning. Do you think he did that this morning? Nope. Nothing.
He was snappy at the boys (low on the patience scale) on our way up to the office and then at the office he had his moments of snappiness as well. He was extremely untalkative and he has not smiled ALL DAY.
I feel so bad for him BUT at the same time I have developed zero tolerance for snappiness. Just because Gary has cancer does not give him the automatic right to be snappy! If you don't have anything nice to say - zippy your lippy! You are all thinking how harsh I am and what a b#@ch. Whatever. You can come to my house and live in my shoes day after day and we will see how you handle the snappiness! My new motto is HAPPINESS not SNAPPINESS!
He really wasn't that bad to be honest with you and I am not complaining because he always tries so incredibly hard not allow his pain and discomfot affect us. It happens from time to time and it is okay! But only from time to time! Crack that whip!!!
He was doing a little better tonight and Angela surprised him with her FAMOUS homemade Dump Cake. Gary LOVES that cake and he was stoked she made it for him. He enjoyed a very large helping of it tonight after he ate 4 hot dogs. Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that after losing 14 lbs last week he successfully gained 7 back over the weekend. We will give the credit for this weight gain to donuts, twice baked potatoes smothered in cheese, burgers, fries, milkshakes, Dump Cake, cookies, ice cream and so many other fattening things he shoveled down his throat. Wouldn't it be great to actually HAVE to gain weight? What woman wouldn't want that problem???
Gary's platelets fell today and are hovering around 65. He should be between 150-400. If his counts do not go above 100 by Wednesday then he will not be able to have his scheduled treatment. We will have to wait and see.
Let's pray for HAPPINESS for Gary tomorrow. Hopefully he will feel much better and be able to smile. Nothing sucks more than when you feel like crap.
Please keep praying for TOTAL SPONTANEOUS REMISSION for this stupid cancer in Gary's body. We want it to GO AWAY FOREVER!
God loves you and so do we!
Good Night!
Love, L
Saturday, July 5, 2008
4th of July
Last year we were in Tennessee for the 4th and the boys were being taught how to light bottle rockets and cherry bombs! Of course Jax was still afraid and hid in the car the entire time! Fireworks are legal there (not like the ones we grew up with here, either!) and Gary and the boys had such a great time. We were on a vacant lot in the middle of nowhere and it was so dark and had I known Gary was showing the boys how to hold fireworks, light them and shoot them off I would have stopped it immediately and stomped on their fun! I swear to you that our family is not a bunch of gun toting whohaws like the people showcased on Jerry Springer! I am still not sure what Gary was thinking (and he was 100% sober) but I do know the boys did not get hurt and they will remember that forever and ever! Dad is so much more fun than Mom!
I grew up in Mission Viejo by the Lake on a culdesac and our neighbors gathered every year and all of the Dads lit what seemed to be hundreds of fireworks together and put on an exciting 4th of July show. I looked forward to that every year and hoped my kids would experience that each year as well. Obviously, times have changed.
Last night we were a tad bit disappointed as we watched the Laguna Niguel show and it abruptly stopped about 4 minutes in due to a brush fire that was started by some kids enjoying their own firework show on the hill.
By the time we all walked back to the house the show resumed and we all watched from our street - not the same. I guess that incident is precisely why fireworks are illegal now. All of the idiots who are irresponsible really piss me off because they have managed to ruin it for our kids and rob them of the 4th experience we all had growing up.
Yesterday I took the boys with my friend Christina and her 4 kids on the Salt Creek hike. We walked about 2 miles down to the beach where all 7 kids played in the water for hours while we relaxed on the beach. It would have been nice if the fog had lifted but it was still warm and we all had a great time. I was fearful that the kids would complain on the walk back. It is all uphill and after hiking down there and swimming for hours I figured we have some complainers! Not so! No one complained. Instead, the pack of 6 boys and 1 girl made it to the top with ease.
We swam with friends yesterday and had a great dinner (thank you in part to Bonnie). We had New York Steaks, Twice Baked Potatoes smothered with cheese, baked mac&cheese, watermelon, rolls, bar b qued corn on the cob and yummy bar b qued chicken! For dessert we had 3 kinds of ice cream, cherry/pineapple dump cake, brownies and cookies! We had enough food to feed an army and an army we had! 21 people joined us in the fun! How blessed we felt to be surrounded by some of our friends. Thanks for ditching your families and other friends to make our 4th special.
Gary managed to join us for a little bit at the pool and then sat at the table with us for dinner! He pretty much ate lots of food yesterday. So much more than he has eaten as of late. He topped it off with 2 helpings of dessert, too! Gary is trying to hang in there and obviously gain some weight. He is very uncomfortable and has pain but he really wants to be a part of everything and is trying very hard to do just that. He helped me get the house ready for company and did a few loads of laundry and made our bed. Despite his illness he always tries to help me. Like I told you he is a truly selfless individual. I just love him and his heart so much. He needs a break (permanent) from all of this cancer crap.
I truly believe Gary is going to be healed. I hesitate saying that sometimes because the odds are so stacked against that prognosis. However, I keep telling you that God can do anything and I keep telling him that I expect that from Him! I want Gary healed and that is the prayer I will keep praying. I know God hears me and I know He hears all of you, too. Keep asking Him to give Gary his earthly life back and banish his cancer forever!
Nothing to do today. Did I just say that? I can ALWAYS find a multitude of things to do. In fact, here is the immediate list that comes to mind - washing the car, cleaning the house, going to the gym, paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning the garage and so on. In between I guess I can relax (although it is not in my nature).
Have a great Saturday and I am off to do nothing! :)
Love,
L
I grew up in Mission Viejo by the Lake on a culdesac and our neighbors gathered every year and all of the Dads lit what seemed to be hundreds of fireworks together and put on an exciting 4th of July show. I looked forward to that every year and hoped my kids would experience that each year as well. Obviously, times have changed.
Last night we were a tad bit disappointed as we watched the Laguna Niguel show and it abruptly stopped about 4 minutes in due to a brush fire that was started by some kids enjoying their own firework show on the hill.
By the time we all walked back to the house the show resumed and we all watched from our street - not the same. I guess that incident is precisely why fireworks are illegal now. All of the idiots who are irresponsible really piss me off because they have managed to ruin it for our kids and rob them of the 4th experience we all had growing up.
Yesterday I took the boys with my friend Christina and her 4 kids on the Salt Creek hike. We walked about 2 miles down to the beach where all 7 kids played in the water for hours while we relaxed on the beach. It would have been nice if the fog had lifted but it was still warm and we all had a great time. I was fearful that the kids would complain on the walk back. It is all uphill and after hiking down there and swimming for hours I figured we have some complainers! Not so! No one complained. Instead, the pack of 6 boys and 1 girl made it to the top with ease.
We swam with friends yesterday and had a great dinner (thank you in part to Bonnie). We had New York Steaks, Twice Baked Potatoes smothered with cheese, baked mac&cheese, watermelon, rolls, bar b qued corn on the cob and yummy bar b qued chicken! For dessert we had 3 kinds of ice cream, cherry/pineapple dump cake, brownies and cookies! We had enough food to feed an army and an army we had! 21 people joined us in the fun! How blessed we felt to be surrounded by some of our friends. Thanks for ditching your families and other friends to make our 4th special.
Gary managed to join us for a little bit at the pool and then sat at the table with us for dinner! He pretty much ate lots of food yesterday. So much more than he has eaten as of late. He topped it off with 2 helpings of dessert, too! Gary is trying to hang in there and obviously gain some weight. He is very uncomfortable and has pain but he really wants to be a part of everything and is trying very hard to do just that. He helped me get the house ready for company and did a few loads of laundry and made our bed. Despite his illness he always tries to help me. Like I told you he is a truly selfless individual. I just love him and his heart so much. He needs a break (permanent) from all of this cancer crap.
I truly believe Gary is going to be healed. I hesitate saying that sometimes because the odds are so stacked against that prognosis. However, I keep telling you that God can do anything and I keep telling him that I expect that from Him! I want Gary healed and that is the prayer I will keep praying. I know God hears me and I know He hears all of you, too. Keep asking Him to give Gary his earthly life back and banish his cancer forever!
Nothing to do today. Did I just say that? I can ALWAYS find a multitude of things to do. In fact, here is the immediate list that comes to mind - washing the car, cleaning the house, going to the gym, paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning the garage and so on. In between I guess I can relax (although it is not in my nature).
Have a great Saturday and I am off to do nothing! :)
Love,
L
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
A little perspective
Good Evening Everyone.
Tonight's entry might be a little lengthy - sorry in advance.
I do not know where to start but let's pick a place - PRAYER.
PRAYER
Many times we have had so many of you in our home to pray over Gary. I think our last prayer gathering drew about 75 of you. I have been feeling the need to do that again for our family. Something very powerful happens when people come together and pray. I just got done reading 90 Minutes In Heaven by Don Piper and it was given to me by a friend at church. What an amazing testament! The book is a true account of a man who was hit by a semi and was dead for 90 minutes. To make my point short and sweet he basically says that the reason as to why he lived was because people were praying for him. Very specific prayers were said for him. I will set a time to do this for Gary and we can all gather again and pray for him.
Prayer changes things and prayer is healing and super powerful. No matter how sick Gary gets when I pray I feel empowered. I feel peaceful and calm. Pastor Denny led our staff meeting today and he used my absolute favorite verse as the basis for our devotion. This verse has changed my life and after studying it during a Bible Study at Coast HIlls years ago I knew it would have special meaning to me someday. I would look at this verse and disect it and think to myself how amazingly difficult it would actually be to NOT BE ANXIOUS and to HAVE PEACE that transcends human understanding. After years of wrestling with that very verse I can truly tell you that I HAVE THAT PEACE and I RARELY get anxious now. Sad. Yes. Overwhelmed. Yes. Anxious. No. It is ONLY by the grace of GOD that I have obtained this. Read the verse below and really try and apply it to your own life.
Phil 4:6-9
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
COMPARISONS
We will ask this of all of you one last time. We know this will be a difficult request but we want you to all promise to try and do this for us. PLEASE do not compare your lives to ours. How many of you have told me that you have no room to complain about anything compared to what we have to deal with every day? I am here to tell you that I want to be in relationship with you. I do not want you to feel bad when you are sharing your struggles and trials with me. Everything you go through is extremely significant and important. I can promise you that I am not wasting my time sitting around saying how awful you were to complain about your trivial problems when we are sitting here dealing with our nasty circumstances. What you struggle with is never trivial. PLEASE do not ever feel bad. We love you all and we want to share our life and we want you to do the same with yours. Was that redundant enough for all of you? Did I get my point across? STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE TO OURS. Instead, with everything we all go through try and gain some perspective. Look at us and learn through our trial. We know so much good comes from bad and we see it every day. Hold on to your joy and try to look at the positive in everything.
MOST IMPORTANT SUBJECT MATTER - Gary
Gary has been kinda sick. Sick to the tune of a 14 pound weight loss in a 6 day period of time. Chemo is really taking its toll on him this time and eating is just so incredibly difficult for him. I try to "help" him eat and he just looks at me and tells me that he is trying and he does not mean to not eat. The mere thought of food repulses him. Everything tastes like metal. He threw up last night.
I want to force him to eat because I know when people battle cancer they have to eat. How can I look in Gary's painful eyes and force the issue? I can't. I see what he goes through day after day after day after day. He sees no light at the end of the tunnel. He sees no reprieve from pain and discomfort. He does not sleep at night despite sleeping aids. He longs to be normal and be a part of our lives outside the bedroom. Every day. You can't even imagine how heartbreaking it is to go through this with him.
Gary is a man who we can all learn from. During this entire journey Gary has never once complained about all the things he has to do in order to get better. He HAS NEVER EVER been SELFISH - NOT ONE TIME. He never makes the kids and I feel guilty for living. He wants us to be happy and places more importance on our happiness than his. He is a remarkable human being and so gentle and mild. He rarely has anything negative to say about anyone or anything. He has never disrespected me and always wants the absolute best for his family. We just love him so very much. He is such a remarkable husband, father and friend. When I grow up I want to be just like Gary!
DR. BARTH
Today was a huge day for us with Dr. Barth. As many of you know we have struggled in our relationship with Dr. B. He is a brillant man who I believe has been given a gift from God to help people that are faced with cancer. We know he cares about Gary but he is so incredibly intense and many times has made us to feel "less than intelligent". We are not MD's (although I wish I could be to be able to do what he can do for others). We try so hard to understand what it is we need to do. All I want is to help Gary and make things just a little bit better for him. So, the way in which we communicate is very different and we walk away frustrated most of the time after meeting with him. Gary actually gets physically sick when he thinks he has done something wrong and has to face Dr. B. It is so hard because we have the utmost of respect for Dr. B. and we really want him to like us and care about us as human beings and not just as a cancer case.
Dr. B was more than kind to us today and spoke to us in a way in which we could understand him. He was caring and it made all the difference in the world to us. I left the office with a few tears in my eyes - tears of joy. Gary had a ginormous grin on his face. We want to please him and do everything right. We want him to think we are doing a good job trying to manage Gary's care. Trust me when I tell you that this cancer thing is complicated and it changes on a daily basis. I am just so happy that we actually had a wonderful meeting time with him. I truly hope it continues. Thank you Dr. B for being so kind to Gary. He really needed it.
HOUSE
Well, we have committed our housing situation to prayer and we are trying not to stress. Deep down we know everything will work out. God ALWAYS provides a path and if the house sells quickly then we move quickly. Boo Hoo. If not, we stick around. YEAH!!! The boys love our home. We love our home. Everything will work out according to the plan. We need to just sit back and see what happens.
PRAYER REQUESTS
1. Pray that Gary regains his appetite and begins to eat more regularly.
2. Pray for peace for Gary and pray for him to focus not on the things he can't do but the things he can do.
3. Pray for Dr. Barth as he navigates us through the cancer field. Pray for his family and his mind and for peace for him.
4. Pray that God gives us direction in what to do with our home. We wait patiently to know what to do.
5. Pray for me. I am a little run down but holding strong. A greater measure of strength would be great.
6. Pray for the kids. They need stability and security and pray we continue to provide that for them.
7. Pray for sleep, rest and comfort for Gary.
8. Pray for TOTAL healing for Gary.
9. Pray for everyone who has come along side us and supported us and loved us.
There is so much to pray for so pray for whatever leads you.
I am sooooooo incredibly tired. We HAD to take Hobie for a late night walk (that is the last thing I wanted to do) and then the boys were already grilling me about our plans for tomorrow. I told them that we will get through today and think about tomorrow when it comes! We should all do that more often.
Thanks for your time.
Sleep Tight and Thank God for His goodness and peace!
Love, Me
Tonight's entry might be a little lengthy - sorry in advance.
I do not know where to start but let's pick a place - PRAYER.
PRAYER
Many times we have had so many of you in our home to pray over Gary. I think our last prayer gathering drew about 75 of you. I have been feeling the need to do that again for our family. Something very powerful happens when people come together and pray. I just got done reading 90 Minutes In Heaven by Don Piper and it was given to me by a friend at church. What an amazing testament! The book is a true account of a man who was hit by a semi and was dead for 90 minutes. To make my point short and sweet he basically says that the reason as to why he lived was because people were praying for him. Very specific prayers were said for him. I will set a time to do this for Gary and we can all gather again and pray for him.
Prayer changes things and prayer is healing and super powerful. No matter how sick Gary gets when I pray I feel empowered. I feel peaceful and calm. Pastor Denny led our staff meeting today and he used my absolute favorite verse as the basis for our devotion. This verse has changed my life and after studying it during a Bible Study at Coast HIlls years ago I knew it would have special meaning to me someday. I would look at this verse and disect it and think to myself how amazingly difficult it would actually be to NOT BE ANXIOUS and to HAVE PEACE that transcends human understanding. After years of wrestling with that very verse I can truly tell you that I HAVE THAT PEACE and I RARELY get anxious now. Sad. Yes. Overwhelmed. Yes. Anxious. No. It is ONLY by the grace of GOD that I have obtained this. Read the verse below and really try and apply it to your own life.
Phil 4:6-9
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
COMPARISONS
We will ask this of all of you one last time. We know this will be a difficult request but we want you to all promise to try and do this for us. PLEASE do not compare your lives to ours. How many of you have told me that you have no room to complain about anything compared to what we have to deal with every day? I am here to tell you that I want to be in relationship with you. I do not want you to feel bad when you are sharing your struggles and trials with me. Everything you go through is extremely significant and important. I can promise you that I am not wasting my time sitting around saying how awful you were to complain about your trivial problems when we are sitting here dealing with our nasty circumstances. What you struggle with is never trivial. PLEASE do not ever feel bad. We love you all and we want to share our life and we want you to do the same with yours. Was that redundant enough for all of you? Did I get my point across? STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE TO OURS. Instead, with everything we all go through try and gain some perspective. Look at us and learn through our trial. We know so much good comes from bad and we see it every day. Hold on to your joy and try to look at the positive in everything.
MOST IMPORTANT SUBJECT MATTER - Gary
Gary has been kinda sick. Sick to the tune of a 14 pound weight loss in a 6 day period of time. Chemo is really taking its toll on him this time and eating is just so incredibly difficult for him. I try to "help" him eat and he just looks at me and tells me that he is trying and he does not mean to not eat. The mere thought of food repulses him. Everything tastes like metal. He threw up last night.
I want to force him to eat because I know when people battle cancer they have to eat. How can I look in Gary's painful eyes and force the issue? I can't. I see what he goes through day after day after day after day. He sees no light at the end of the tunnel. He sees no reprieve from pain and discomfort. He does not sleep at night despite sleeping aids. He longs to be normal and be a part of our lives outside the bedroom. Every day. You can't even imagine how heartbreaking it is to go through this with him.
Gary is a man who we can all learn from. During this entire journey Gary has never once complained about all the things he has to do in order to get better. He HAS NEVER EVER been SELFISH - NOT ONE TIME. He never makes the kids and I feel guilty for living. He wants us to be happy and places more importance on our happiness than his. He is a remarkable human being and so gentle and mild. He rarely has anything negative to say about anyone or anything. He has never disrespected me and always wants the absolute best for his family. We just love him so very much. He is such a remarkable husband, father and friend. When I grow up I want to be just like Gary!
DR. BARTH
Today was a huge day for us with Dr. Barth. As many of you know we have struggled in our relationship with Dr. B. He is a brillant man who I believe has been given a gift from God to help people that are faced with cancer. We know he cares about Gary but he is so incredibly intense and many times has made us to feel "less than intelligent". We are not MD's (although I wish I could be to be able to do what he can do for others). We try so hard to understand what it is we need to do. All I want is to help Gary and make things just a little bit better for him. So, the way in which we communicate is very different and we walk away frustrated most of the time after meeting with him. Gary actually gets physically sick when he thinks he has done something wrong and has to face Dr. B. It is so hard because we have the utmost of respect for Dr. B. and we really want him to like us and care about us as human beings and not just as a cancer case.
Dr. B was more than kind to us today and spoke to us in a way in which we could understand him. He was caring and it made all the difference in the world to us. I left the office with a few tears in my eyes - tears of joy. Gary had a ginormous grin on his face. We want to please him and do everything right. We want him to think we are doing a good job trying to manage Gary's care. Trust me when I tell you that this cancer thing is complicated and it changes on a daily basis. I am just so happy that we actually had a wonderful meeting time with him. I truly hope it continues. Thank you Dr. B for being so kind to Gary. He really needed it.
HOUSE
Well, we have committed our housing situation to prayer and we are trying not to stress. Deep down we know everything will work out. God ALWAYS provides a path and if the house sells quickly then we move quickly. Boo Hoo. If not, we stick around. YEAH!!! The boys love our home. We love our home. Everything will work out according to the plan. We need to just sit back and see what happens.
PRAYER REQUESTS
1. Pray that Gary regains his appetite and begins to eat more regularly.
2. Pray for peace for Gary and pray for him to focus not on the things he can't do but the things he can do.
3. Pray for Dr. Barth as he navigates us through the cancer field. Pray for his family and his mind and for peace for him.
4. Pray that God gives us direction in what to do with our home. We wait patiently to know what to do.
5. Pray for me. I am a little run down but holding strong. A greater measure of strength would be great.
6. Pray for the kids. They need stability and security and pray we continue to provide that for them.
7. Pray for sleep, rest and comfort for Gary.
8. Pray for TOTAL healing for Gary.
9. Pray for everyone who has come along side us and supported us and loved us.
There is so much to pray for so pray for whatever leads you.
I am sooooooo incredibly tired. We HAD to take Hobie for a late night walk (that is the last thing I wanted to do) and then the boys were already grilling me about our plans for tomorrow. I told them that we will get through today and think about tomorrow when it comes! We should all do that more often.
Thanks for your time.
Sleep Tight and Thank God for His goodness and peace!
Love, Me
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