Posts
Hi.
Gary has a PCA pump now that delivers a constant flow of Dilaudid to help manage his pain.
The NG tube is causing him serious discomfort and pain in his throat. They had to insert it up his nose and down into his stomach. It will stay in place for 48 hours.
We are hoping and praying that Gary will not have to have surgery to fix the bowel obstruction. We are hoping that the obstruction will go away. He will be in the hospital for at least another 2 days and hopefully not more than that. We will see.
The Avastin Gary is taking complicates things drastically because it causes bleeding and delays healing. If Gary were to have to have surgery this would obviously be a problem.
I am back at the beach house with the boys. Jake is here with me and he is staying on to help me with the boys while I go back and forth to Hoag. He is so great with the boys and they love him.
The boys had a great time in Balboa today and are looking forward to spending more time down there this week.
The sunset was amazing again - 3 for 3! I felt extremely guilty being here tonight and enjoying my down time with Gary painfully struggling in the hospital. He would want me to relax and have a great time and I am trying to enjoy every moment.
Pray and keep praying. We feel those prayers that you offer up on our behalf!
Love,
Lisa
Monday, July 14, 2008
HOAG HOSPITAL
It is such a beautiful day outside and I had BIG PLANS for this glorious day. Unfortunately, plans have changed like they usually do and I find myself sitting in the Hoag Resource Center blogging to all of you.
Gary has been feeling really sick for the past 2 weeks and he started to get really bad on Friday night when we were at the Heslar's. I tried to get him to go to the doctors then but he refused and we continued on at the beach house.
Well, in the wee hours of the morning Gary hit rock bottom and was in so much pain and throwing up so much that I did not give him a choice and here we are.
The boys are in Balboa - as planned - and Gary has been admitted to Room 727. Gary has a bowel obstruction. I do not know whether the obstruction is in the large or small intestines or whether or not the bowel is being estrangulated. We do not know what is causing the bowel obstruction either. We are waiting for Dr. Wang (Dr. Barth is sending him to us) to let us know how things will go from here. Usually with a bowel obstruction surgery to remove the obstruction is normal.
As soon as I know anything I will let all of you know.
My heart breaks that Gary can't enjoy the beach house. Gary really wants the boys to continue on with our vacation so Jake (their amazing babysitter) will be taking care of them at the beach house during the times I am gone and I am sure my family that is staying in Balboa along with other friends will be helping out to make sure the boys lives are as normal as possible right now.
Our main priority (Gary's and mine) is to make sure everything stays as stable as possible for the boys. It is so important to us and it has been the best way to do things during past hospital stays!
Hang in there with us.
Love,
L
Gary has been feeling really sick for the past 2 weeks and he started to get really bad on Friday night when we were at the Heslar's. I tried to get him to go to the doctors then but he refused and we continued on at the beach house.
Well, in the wee hours of the morning Gary hit rock bottom and was in so much pain and throwing up so much that I did not give him a choice and here we are.
The boys are in Balboa - as planned - and Gary has been admitted to Room 727. Gary has a bowel obstruction. I do not know whether the obstruction is in the large or small intestines or whether or not the bowel is being estrangulated. We do not know what is causing the bowel obstruction either. We are waiting for Dr. Wang (Dr. Barth is sending him to us) to let us know how things will go from here. Usually with a bowel obstruction surgery to remove the obstruction is normal.
As soon as I know anything I will let all of you know.
My heart breaks that Gary can't enjoy the beach house. Gary really wants the boys to continue on with our vacation so Jake (their amazing babysitter) will be taking care of them at the beach house during the times I am gone and I am sure my family that is staying in Balboa along with other friends will be helping out to make sure the boys lives are as normal as possible right now.
Our main priority (Gary's and mine) is to make sure everything stays as stable as possible for the boys. It is so important to us and it has been the best way to do things during past hospital stays!
Hang in there with us.
Love,
L
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Sunsets
Another beautiful sunset tonight. I guess you would have to say that we are two for two in the beautiful sunset department. For those of you who are not aware of where we are we are actually in a beach house SMACK DAB ON THE SAND in San Clemente! We are here for a week and would could not imagine a more perfect place to be with our boys.
Last year we had planned on taking the boys to Hawaii before the s%#t hit the fan. Needless to say, we have postponed that trip and now we have landed in the paradise right in our own backyard!
The beach house is owned by some amazingly generous people in our church family and we feel so so so so lucky! It is so easy to relax here and just get lost in the smell of the air and the sound of the waves CRASHING right outside the door. This house is so special and we feel really special just being here.
The boys were body surfing and playing in the water all afternoon today. The weather is beautiful and a little less humid today than yesterday.
Gary had the entire morning to himself and LOVED it. He said that being alone and relaxing here is much different and BETTER than at home. I was so happy he enjoyed himself.
We had a great dinner last night with Jeff, Joyce, GG and Toni. Jax was quite the "Shut Box" player last night. My family is full of card playing people but last night we played a dice game called Shut Box. Jax LOVED it and Zach played too. I love playing card and dice games. I could sit on the beach all day playing cards or dice games.
Tonight we had a great dinner with the Mucks. Evans???? Where were you????? Briwicks (at least the females) did American Girl things all day in LA. The Marvel's are probably loving camping in the Sequoias right now with all of their friends! Our home group is so great and we enjoy hanging out with them. We originally thought we would try and have our home group over here for dinner tonight and then we remembered we had Cole and Tressa's party this afternoon. So, we cancelled and never got to the actual planning stage. Then, I decided that the boys and I wanted to stay here today with Gary and so we sadly did not go to the party BUT happily enjoyed just being here with Gary and the people from our Home Group who showed up!! Feel better Sam!
Tomorrow the boys are going to Balboa with Jeff, Joyce and GG for the day while Gary and I go to the doctor office at Hoag. The boys should have lots of fun!!!
Gary and I are watching Family Jewels and listening to the waves crashing and the trains passing by. Going to sleep with that in the background is music to my ears. There is no place I would rather be - especially with Gary!
This morning Zachary woke me up at 5:35 AM. He was sooooooo excited to tell me that there were hundreds of dolphins playing around in the waters right outside the back glass doors! How exciting and what a great treat to wake up to. The other boys want me to wake them up tomorrow morning so that they can hopefully see some dolphins, too.
Zach was on the rocks with the kids and he thought he had a pebble in his mouth so he spit it out quickly and then discovered that it was his TOOTH! He lost that darn tooth. He lost another tooth a while back at Surf Camp and Nate swallowed a tooth in the pool last summer. What's up with our boys and their teeth? I never remember losing a lost tooth or swallowing it. Weird kids.
The boys got their hair cut at Stew's today. Jax wanted a buzz cut and the bopsy twins got long haircuts. They all look cute as usual and I am glad they got their hair cut finally.
I must go now. Please pray that tomorrow we are able to get some answers as to why Gary is so incedibly uncomfortable. He is really struggling right now.
Have a wonderful evening.
Remember to keep the faith always!
Love, L
Last year we had planned on taking the boys to Hawaii before the s%#t hit the fan. Needless to say, we have postponed that trip and now we have landed in the paradise right in our own backyard!
The beach house is owned by some amazingly generous people in our church family and we feel so so so so lucky! It is so easy to relax here and just get lost in the smell of the air and the sound of the waves CRASHING right outside the door. This house is so special and we feel really special just being here.
The boys were body surfing and playing in the water all afternoon today. The weather is beautiful and a little less humid today than yesterday.
Gary had the entire morning to himself and LOVED it. He said that being alone and relaxing here is much different and BETTER than at home. I was so happy he enjoyed himself.
We had a great dinner last night with Jeff, Joyce, GG and Toni. Jax was quite the "Shut Box" player last night. My family is full of card playing people but last night we played a dice game called Shut Box. Jax LOVED it and Zach played too. I love playing card and dice games. I could sit on the beach all day playing cards or dice games.
Tonight we had a great dinner with the Mucks. Evans???? Where were you????? Briwicks (at least the females) did American Girl things all day in LA. The Marvel's are probably loving camping in the Sequoias right now with all of their friends! Our home group is so great and we enjoy hanging out with them. We originally thought we would try and have our home group over here for dinner tonight and then we remembered we had Cole and Tressa's party this afternoon. So, we cancelled and never got to the actual planning stage. Then, I decided that the boys and I wanted to stay here today with Gary and so we sadly did not go to the party BUT happily enjoyed just being here with Gary and the people from our Home Group who showed up!! Feel better Sam!
Tomorrow the boys are going to Balboa with Jeff, Joyce and GG for the day while Gary and I go to the doctor office at Hoag. The boys should have lots of fun!!!
Gary and I are watching Family Jewels and listening to the waves crashing and the trains passing by. Going to sleep with that in the background is music to my ears. There is no place I would rather be - especially with Gary!
This morning Zachary woke me up at 5:35 AM. He was sooooooo excited to tell me that there were hundreds of dolphins playing around in the waters right outside the back glass doors! How exciting and what a great treat to wake up to. The other boys want me to wake them up tomorrow morning so that they can hopefully see some dolphins, too.
Zach was on the rocks with the kids and he thought he had a pebble in his mouth so he spit it out quickly and then discovered that it was his TOOTH! He lost that darn tooth. He lost another tooth a while back at Surf Camp and Nate swallowed a tooth in the pool last summer. What's up with our boys and their teeth? I never remember losing a lost tooth or swallowing it. Weird kids.
The boys got their hair cut at Stew's today. Jax wanted a buzz cut and the bopsy twins got long haircuts. They all look cute as usual and I am glad they got their hair cut finally.
I must go now. Please pray that tomorrow we are able to get some answers as to why Gary is so incedibly uncomfortable. He is really struggling right now.
Have a wonderful evening.
Remember to keep the faith always!
Love, L
Friday, July 11, 2008
Friday July 11 2008
Good Morning.
I forgot to give most of you an update after our appointment with Dr. Barth on Wednesday morning. Thank you for all being so patient.
Well, Gary had the Avastin treatment but did not have chemo on Wednesday. His platelets were over 100,000 but Dr. Barth felt that they needed to be a little higher before blasting Gary with another round of chemo. It is probably a good thing considering Gary has been in fairly poor shape all week. We are shooting for Monday at the Hoag Office.
Gary is in considerable pain and discomfort in his abdomen. He has barely left the house in weeks and he is in bed most of the time. He did go to church and he does get up to do dishes, laundry and some other household things. I think that once he gets in a good position in bed and the pain/discomfort subsides even a little bit he probably doesn't want to move. Who could blame the man!
On July 25th we will have scans done on his liver. These scans will tell us if the cancer in his liver is responding to the treatments (Avastin and chemo cocktail). The cancer in his liver is the only cancer in his body that has not been impacted by radiation. It is what they call a biological marker and will be used to measure either the success or unsuccessfulness of the treatments. If the cancer is shrinking, we will remove the lesion on his liver and continue with treatment as scheduled. If the cancer is not shrinking, we will remove the lesion anyway and we will have to switch gears with his treatment regimen.
We are all praying that the current treatment is working.
Gary actually just came down to sit on the couch with me. He has an Ensure in his hand and he is trying to wake up!
I have to get going but wanted to touch base with all of you to give you the latest.
Have a great weekend and I will blog if anything changes. If not, look for the Monday blog.
Love,
Lisa
I forgot to give most of you an update after our appointment with Dr. Barth on Wednesday morning. Thank you for all being so patient.
Well, Gary had the Avastin treatment but did not have chemo on Wednesday. His platelets were over 100,000 but Dr. Barth felt that they needed to be a little higher before blasting Gary with another round of chemo. It is probably a good thing considering Gary has been in fairly poor shape all week. We are shooting for Monday at the Hoag Office.
Gary is in considerable pain and discomfort in his abdomen. He has barely left the house in weeks and he is in bed most of the time. He did go to church and he does get up to do dishes, laundry and some other household things. I think that once he gets in a good position in bed and the pain/discomfort subsides even a little bit he probably doesn't want to move. Who could blame the man!
On July 25th we will have scans done on his liver. These scans will tell us if the cancer in his liver is responding to the treatments (Avastin and chemo cocktail). The cancer in his liver is the only cancer in his body that has not been impacted by radiation. It is what they call a biological marker and will be used to measure either the success or unsuccessfulness of the treatments. If the cancer is shrinking, we will remove the lesion on his liver and continue with treatment as scheduled. If the cancer is not shrinking, we will remove the lesion anyway and we will have to switch gears with his treatment regimen.
We are all praying that the current treatment is working.
Gary actually just came down to sit on the couch with me. He has an Ensure in his hand and he is trying to wake up!
I have to get going but wanted to touch base with all of you to give you the latest.
Have a great weekend and I will blog if anything changes. If not, look for the Monday blog.
Love,
Lisa
Monday, July 7, 2008
There Have Been Better Days
Did any of you see the season finale of The Bachelorette? If I say anything the ending will be ruined for those of you who might have DVRed it. Just watch and weep with me!
Today was simply a BAD DAY for my man. Gary was not feeling well and it started first thing this morning! I can tell when he is really feeling awful. In the mornings I sit at the vanity and Gary walks by me to use the restroom. He will always touch me as he walks by, tell me he loves me and says good morning. Do you think he did that this morning? Nope. Nothing.
He was snappy at the boys (low on the patience scale) on our way up to the office and then at the office he had his moments of snappiness as well. He was extremely untalkative and he has not smiled ALL DAY.
I feel so bad for him BUT at the same time I have developed zero tolerance for snappiness. Just because Gary has cancer does not give him the automatic right to be snappy! If you don't have anything nice to say - zippy your lippy! You are all thinking how harsh I am and what a b#@ch. Whatever. You can come to my house and live in my shoes day after day and we will see how you handle the snappiness! My new motto is HAPPINESS not SNAPPINESS!
He really wasn't that bad to be honest with you and I am not complaining because he always tries so incredibly hard not allow his pain and discomfot affect us. It happens from time to time and it is okay! But only from time to time! Crack that whip!!!
He was doing a little better tonight and Angela surprised him with her FAMOUS homemade Dump Cake. Gary LOVES that cake and he was stoked she made it for him. He enjoyed a very large helping of it tonight after he ate 4 hot dogs. Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that after losing 14 lbs last week he successfully gained 7 back over the weekend. We will give the credit for this weight gain to donuts, twice baked potatoes smothered in cheese, burgers, fries, milkshakes, Dump Cake, cookies, ice cream and so many other fattening things he shoveled down his throat. Wouldn't it be great to actually HAVE to gain weight? What woman wouldn't want that problem???
Gary's platelets fell today and are hovering around 65. He should be between 150-400. If his counts do not go above 100 by Wednesday then he will not be able to have his scheduled treatment. We will have to wait and see.
Let's pray for HAPPINESS for Gary tomorrow. Hopefully he will feel much better and be able to smile. Nothing sucks more than when you feel like crap.
Please keep praying for TOTAL SPONTANEOUS REMISSION for this stupid cancer in Gary's body. We want it to GO AWAY FOREVER!
God loves you and so do we!
Good Night!
Love, L
Today was simply a BAD DAY for my man. Gary was not feeling well and it started first thing this morning! I can tell when he is really feeling awful. In the mornings I sit at the vanity and Gary walks by me to use the restroom. He will always touch me as he walks by, tell me he loves me and says good morning. Do you think he did that this morning? Nope. Nothing.
He was snappy at the boys (low on the patience scale) on our way up to the office and then at the office he had his moments of snappiness as well. He was extremely untalkative and he has not smiled ALL DAY.
I feel so bad for him BUT at the same time I have developed zero tolerance for snappiness. Just because Gary has cancer does not give him the automatic right to be snappy! If you don't have anything nice to say - zippy your lippy! You are all thinking how harsh I am and what a b#@ch. Whatever. You can come to my house and live in my shoes day after day and we will see how you handle the snappiness! My new motto is HAPPINESS not SNAPPINESS!
He really wasn't that bad to be honest with you and I am not complaining because he always tries so incredibly hard not allow his pain and discomfot affect us. It happens from time to time and it is okay! But only from time to time! Crack that whip!!!
He was doing a little better tonight and Angela surprised him with her FAMOUS homemade Dump Cake. Gary LOVES that cake and he was stoked she made it for him. He enjoyed a very large helping of it tonight after he ate 4 hot dogs. Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that after losing 14 lbs last week he successfully gained 7 back over the weekend. We will give the credit for this weight gain to donuts, twice baked potatoes smothered in cheese, burgers, fries, milkshakes, Dump Cake, cookies, ice cream and so many other fattening things he shoveled down his throat. Wouldn't it be great to actually HAVE to gain weight? What woman wouldn't want that problem???
Gary's platelets fell today and are hovering around 65. He should be between 150-400. If his counts do not go above 100 by Wednesday then he will not be able to have his scheduled treatment. We will have to wait and see.
Let's pray for HAPPINESS for Gary tomorrow. Hopefully he will feel much better and be able to smile. Nothing sucks more than when you feel like crap.
Please keep praying for TOTAL SPONTANEOUS REMISSION for this stupid cancer in Gary's body. We want it to GO AWAY FOREVER!
God loves you and so do we!
Good Night!
Love, L
Saturday, July 5, 2008
4th of July
Last year we were in Tennessee for the 4th and the boys were being taught how to light bottle rockets and cherry bombs! Of course Jax was still afraid and hid in the car the entire time! Fireworks are legal there (not like the ones we grew up with here, either!) and Gary and the boys had such a great time. We were on a vacant lot in the middle of nowhere and it was so dark and had I known Gary was showing the boys how to hold fireworks, light them and shoot them off I would have stopped it immediately and stomped on their fun! I swear to you that our family is not a bunch of gun toting whohaws like the people showcased on Jerry Springer! I am still not sure what Gary was thinking (and he was 100% sober) but I do know the boys did not get hurt and they will remember that forever and ever! Dad is so much more fun than Mom!
I grew up in Mission Viejo by the Lake on a culdesac and our neighbors gathered every year and all of the Dads lit what seemed to be hundreds of fireworks together and put on an exciting 4th of July show. I looked forward to that every year and hoped my kids would experience that each year as well. Obviously, times have changed.
Last night we were a tad bit disappointed as we watched the Laguna Niguel show and it abruptly stopped about 4 minutes in due to a brush fire that was started by some kids enjoying their own firework show on the hill.
By the time we all walked back to the house the show resumed and we all watched from our street - not the same. I guess that incident is precisely why fireworks are illegal now. All of the idiots who are irresponsible really piss me off because they have managed to ruin it for our kids and rob them of the 4th experience we all had growing up.
Yesterday I took the boys with my friend Christina and her 4 kids on the Salt Creek hike. We walked about 2 miles down to the beach where all 7 kids played in the water for hours while we relaxed on the beach. It would have been nice if the fog had lifted but it was still warm and we all had a great time. I was fearful that the kids would complain on the walk back. It is all uphill and after hiking down there and swimming for hours I figured we have some complainers! Not so! No one complained. Instead, the pack of 6 boys and 1 girl made it to the top with ease.
We swam with friends yesterday and had a great dinner (thank you in part to Bonnie). We had New York Steaks, Twice Baked Potatoes smothered with cheese, baked mac&cheese, watermelon, rolls, bar b qued corn on the cob and yummy bar b qued chicken! For dessert we had 3 kinds of ice cream, cherry/pineapple dump cake, brownies and cookies! We had enough food to feed an army and an army we had! 21 people joined us in the fun! How blessed we felt to be surrounded by some of our friends. Thanks for ditching your families and other friends to make our 4th special.
Gary managed to join us for a little bit at the pool and then sat at the table with us for dinner! He pretty much ate lots of food yesterday. So much more than he has eaten as of late. He topped it off with 2 helpings of dessert, too! Gary is trying to hang in there and obviously gain some weight. He is very uncomfortable and has pain but he really wants to be a part of everything and is trying very hard to do just that. He helped me get the house ready for company and did a few loads of laundry and made our bed. Despite his illness he always tries to help me. Like I told you he is a truly selfless individual. I just love him and his heart so much. He needs a break (permanent) from all of this cancer crap.
I truly believe Gary is going to be healed. I hesitate saying that sometimes because the odds are so stacked against that prognosis. However, I keep telling you that God can do anything and I keep telling him that I expect that from Him! I want Gary healed and that is the prayer I will keep praying. I know God hears me and I know He hears all of you, too. Keep asking Him to give Gary his earthly life back and banish his cancer forever!
Nothing to do today. Did I just say that? I can ALWAYS find a multitude of things to do. In fact, here is the immediate list that comes to mind - washing the car, cleaning the house, going to the gym, paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning the garage and so on. In between I guess I can relax (although it is not in my nature).
Have a great Saturday and I am off to do nothing! :)
Love,
L
I grew up in Mission Viejo by the Lake on a culdesac and our neighbors gathered every year and all of the Dads lit what seemed to be hundreds of fireworks together and put on an exciting 4th of July show. I looked forward to that every year and hoped my kids would experience that each year as well. Obviously, times have changed.
Last night we were a tad bit disappointed as we watched the Laguna Niguel show and it abruptly stopped about 4 minutes in due to a brush fire that was started by some kids enjoying their own firework show on the hill.
By the time we all walked back to the house the show resumed and we all watched from our street - not the same. I guess that incident is precisely why fireworks are illegal now. All of the idiots who are irresponsible really piss me off because they have managed to ruin it for our kids and rob them of the 4th experience we all had growing up.
Yesterday I took the boys with my friend Christina and her 4 kids on the Salt Creek hike. We walked about 2 miles down to the beach where all 7 kids played in the water for hours while we relaxed on the beach. It would have been nice if the fog had lifted but it was still warm and we all had a great time. I was fearful that the kids would complain on the walk back. It is all uphill and after hiking down there and swimming for hours I figured we have some complainers! Not so! No one complained. Instead, the pack of 6 boys and 1 girl made it to the top with ease.
We swam with friends yesterday and had a great dinner (thank you in part to Bonnie). We had New York Steaks, Twice Baked Potatoes smothered with cheese, baked mac&cheese, watermelon, rolls, bar b qued corn on the cob and yummy bar b qued chicken! For dessert we had 3 kinds of ice cream, cherry/pineapple dump cake, brownies and cookies! We had enough food to feed an army and an army we had! 21 people joined us in the fun! How blessed we felt to be surrounded by some of our friends. Thanks for ditching your families and other friends to make our 4th special.
Gary managed to join us for a little bit at the pool and then sat at the table with us for dinner! He pretty much ate lots of food yesterday. So much more than he has eaten as of late. He topped it off with 2 helpings of dessert, too! Gary is trying to hang in there and obviously gain some weight. He is very uncomfortable and has pain but he really wants to be a part of everything and is trying very hard to do just that. He helped me get the house ready for company and did a few loads of laundry and made our bed. Despite his illness he always tries to help me. Like I told you he is a truly selfless individual. I just love him and his heart so much. He needs a break (permanent) from all of this cancer crap.
I truly believe Gary is going to be healed. I hesitate saying that sometimes because the odds are so stacked against that prognosis. However, I keep telling you that God can do anything and I keep telling him that I expect that from Him! I want Gary healed and that is the prayer I will keep praying. I know God hears me and I know He hears all of you, too. Keep asking Him to give Gary his earthly life back and banish his cancer forever!
Nothing to do today. Did I just say that? I can ALWAYS find a multitude of things to do. In fact, here is the immediate list that comes to mind - washing the car, cleaning the house, going to the gym, paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning the garage and so on. In between I guess I can relax (although it is not in my nature).
Have a great Saturday and I am off to do nothing! :)
Love,
L
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
A little perspective
Good Evening Everyone.
Tonight's entry might be a little lengthy - sorry in advance.
I do not know where to start but let's pick a place - PRAYER.
PRAYER
Many times we have had so many of you in our home to pray over Gary. I think our last prayer gathering drew about 75 of you. I have been feeling the need to do that again for our family. Something very powerful happens when people come together and pray. I just got done reading 90 Minutes In Heaven by Don Piper and it was given to me by a friend at church. What an amazing testament! The book is a true account of a man who was hit by a semi and was dead for 90 minutes. To make my point short and sweet he basically says that the reason as to why he lived was because people were praying for him. Very specific prayers were said for him. I will set a time to do this for Gary and we can all gather again and pray for him.
Prayer changes things and prayer is healing and super powerful. No matter how sick Gary gets when I pray I feel empowered. I feel peaceful and calm. Pastor Denny led our staff meeting today and he used my absolute favorite verse as the basis for our devotion. This verse has changed my life and after studying it during a Bible Study at Coast HIlls years ago I knew it would have special meaning to me someday. I would look at this verse and disect it and think to myself how amazingly difficult it would actually be to NOT BE ANXIOUS and to HAVE PEACE that transcends human understanding. After years of wrestling with that very verse I can truly tell you that I HAVE THAT PEACE and I RARELY get anxious now. Sad. Yes. Overwhelmed. Yes. Anxious. No. It is ONLY by the grace of GOD that I have obtained this. Read the verse below and really try and apply it to your own life.
Phil 4:6-9
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
COMPARISONS
We will ask this of all of you one last time. We know this will be a difficult request but we want you to all promise to try and do this for us. PLEASE do not compare your lives to ours. How many of you have told me that you have no room to complain about anything compared to what we have to deal with every day? I am here to tell you that I want to be in relationship with you. I do not want you to feel bad when you are sharing your struggles and trials with me. Everything you go through is extremely significant and important. I can promise you that I am not wasting my time sitting around saying how awful you were to complain about your trivial problems when we are sitting here dealing with our nasty circumstances. What you struggle with is never trivial. PLEASE do not ever feel bad. We love you all and we want to share our life and we want you to do the same with yours. Was that redundant enough for all of you? Did I get my point across? STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE TO OURS. Instead, with everything we all go through try and gain some perspective. Look at us and learn through our trial. We know so much good comes from bad and we see it every day. Hold on to your joy and try to look at the positive in everything.
MOST IMPORTANT SUBJECT MATTER - Gary
Gary has been kinda sick. Sick to the tune of a 14 pound weight loss in a 6 day period of time. Chemo is really taking its toll on him this time and eating is just so incredibly difficult for him. I try to "help" him eat and he just looks at me and tells me that he is trying and he does not mean to not eat. The mere thought of food repulses him. Everything tastes like metal. He threw up last night.
I want to force him to eat because I know when people battle cancer they have to eat. How can I look in Gary's painful eyes and force the issue? I can't. I see what he goes through day after day after day after day. He sees no light at the end of the tunnel. He sees no reprieve from pain and discomfort. He does not sleep at night despite sleeping aids. He longs to be normal and be a part of our lives outside the bedroom. Every day. You can't even imagine how heartbreaking it is to go through this with him.
Gary is a man who we can all learn from. During this entire journey Gary has never once complained about all the things he has to do in order to get better. He HAS NEVER EVER been SELFISH - NOT ONE TIME. He never makes the kids and I feel guilty for living. He wants us to be happy and places more importance on our happiness than his. He is a remarkable human being and so gentle and mild. He rarely has anything negative to say about anyone or anything. He has never disrespected me and always wants the absolute best for his family. We just love him so very much. He is such a remarkable husband, father and friend. When I grow up I want to be just like Gary!
DR. BARTH
Today was a huge day for us with Dr. Barth. As many of you know we have struggled in our relationship with Dr. B. He is a brillant man who I believe has been given a gift from God to help people that are faced with cancer. We know he cares about Gary but he is so incredibly intense and many times has made us to feel "less than intelligent". We are not MD's (although I wish I could be to be able to do what he can do for others). We try so hard to understand what it is we need to do. All I want is to help Gary and make things just a little bit better for him. So, the way in which we communicate is very different and we walk away frustrated most of the time after meeting with him. Gary actually gets physically sick when he thinks he has done something wrong and has to face Dr. B. It is so hard because we have the utmost of respect for Dr. B. and we really want him to like us and care about us as human beings and not just as a cancer case.
Dr. B was more than kind to us today and spoke to us in a way in which we could understand him. He was caring and it made all the difference in the world to us. I left the office with a few tears in my eyes - tears of joy. Gary had a ginormous grin on his face. We want to please him and do everything right. We want him to think we are doing a good job trying to manage Gary's care. Trust me when I tell you that this cancer thing is complicated and it changes on a daily basis. I am just so happy that we actually had a wonderful meeting time with him. I truly hope it continues. Thank you Dr. B for being so kind to Gary. He really needed it.
HOUSE
Well, we have committed our housing situation to prayer and we are trying not to stress. Deep down we know everything will work out. God ALWAYS provides a path and if the house sells quickly then we move quickly. Boo Hoo. If not, we stick around. YEAH!!! The boys love our home. We love our home. Everything will work out according to the plan. We need to just sit back and see what happens.
PRAYER REQUESTS
1. Pray that Gary regains his appetite and begins to eat more regularly.
2. Pray for peace for Gary and pray for him to focus not on the things he can't do but the things he can do.
3. Pray for Dr. Barth as he navigates us through the cancer field. Pray for his family and his mind and for peace for him.
4. Pray that God gives us direction in what to do with our home. We wait patiently to know what to do.
5. Pray for me. I am a little run down but holding strong. A greater measure of strength would be great.
6. Pray for the kids. They need stability and security and pray we continue to provide that for them.
7. Pray for sleep, rest and comfort for Gary.
8. Pray for TOTAL healing for Gary.
9. Pray for everyone who has come along side us and supported us and loved us.
There is so much to pray for so pray for whatever leads you.
I am sooooooo incredibly tired. We HAD to take Hobie for a late night walk (that is the last thing I wanted to do) and then the boys were already grilling me about our plans for tomorrow. I told them that we will get through today and think about tomorrow when it comes! We should all do that more often.
Thanks for your time.
Sleep Tight and Thank God for His goodness and peace!
Love, Me
Tonight's entry might be a little lengthy - sorry in advance.
I do not know where to start but let's pick a place - PRAYER.
PRAYER
Many times we have had so many of you in our home to pray over Gary. I think our last prayer gathering drew about 75 of you. I have been feeling the need to do that again for our family. Something very powerful happens when people come together and pray. I just got done reading 90 Minutes In Heaven by Don Piper and it was given to me by a friend at church. What an amazing testament! The book is a true account of a man who was hit by a semi and was dead for 90 minutes. To make my point short and sweet he basically says that the reason as to why he lived was because people were praying for him. Very specific prayers were said for him. I will set a time to do this for Gary and we can all gather again and pray for him.
Prayer changes things and prayer is healing and super powerful. No matter how sick Gary gets when I pray I feel empowered. I feel peaceful and calm. Pastor Denny led our staff meeting today and he used my absolute favorite verse as the basis for our devotion. This verse has changed my life and after studying it during a Bible Study at Coast HIlls years ago I knew it would have special meaning to me someday. I would look at this verse and disect it and think to myself how amazingly difficult it would actually be to NOT BE ANXIOUS and to HAVE PEACE that transcends human understanding. After years of wrestling with that very verse I can truly tell you that I HAVE THAT PEACE and I RARELY get anxious now. Sad. Yes. Overwhelmed. Yes. Anxious. No. It is ONLY by the grace of GOD that I have obtained this. Read the verse below and really try and apply it to your own life.
Phil 4:6-9
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
COMPARISONS
We will ask this of all of you one last time. We know this will be a difficult request but we want you to all promise to try and do this for us. PLEASE do not compare your lives to ours. How many of you have told me that you have no room to complain about anything compared to what we have to deal with every day? I am here to tell you that I want to be in relationship with you. I do not want you to feel bad when you are sharing your struggles and trials with me. Everything you go through is extremely significant and important. I can promise you that I am not wasting my time sitting around saying how awful you were to complain about your trivial problems when we are sitting here dealing with our nasty circumstances. What you struggle with is never trivial. PLEASE do not ever feel bad. We love you all and we want to share our life and we want you to do the same with yours. Was that redundant enough for all of you? Did I get my point across? STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE TO OURS. Instead, with everything we all go through try and gain some perspective. Look at us and learn through our trial. We know so much good comes from bad and we see it every day. Hold on to your joy and try to look at the positive in everything.
MOST IMPORTANT SUBJECT MATTER - Gary
Gary has been kinda sick. Sick to the tune of a 14 pound weight loss in a 6 day period of time. Chemo is really taking its toll on him this time and eating is just so incredibly difficult for him. I try to "help" him eat and he just looks at me and tells me that he is trying and he does not mean to not eat. The mere thought of food repulses him. Everything tastes like metal. He threw up last night.
I want to force him to eat because I know when people battle cancer they have to eat. How can I look in Gary's painful eyes and force the issue? I can't. I see what he goes through day after day after day after day. He sees no light at the end of the tunnel. He sees no reprieve from pain and discomfort. He does not sleep at night despite sleeping aids. He longs to be normal and be a part of our lives outside the bedroom. Every day. You can't even imagine how heartbreaking it is to go through this with him.
Gary is a man who we can all learn from. During this entire journey Gary has never once complained about all the things he has to do in order to get better. He HAS NEVER EVER been SELFISH - NOT ONE TIME. He never makes the kids and I feel guilty for living. He wants us to be happy and places more importance on our happiness than his. He is a remarkable human being and so gentle and mild. He rarely has anything negative to say about anyone or anything. He has never disrespected me and always wants the absolute best for his family. We just love him so very much. He is such a remarkable husband, father and friend. When I grow up I want to be just like Gary!
DR. BARTH
Today was a huge day for us with Dr. Barth. As many of you know we have struggled in our relationship with Dr. B. He is a brillant man who I believe has been given a gift from God to help people that are faced with cancer. We know he cares about Gary but he is so incredibly intense and many times has made us to feel "less than intelligent". We are not MD's (although I wish I could be to be able to do what he can do for others). We try so hard to understand what it is we need to do. All I want is to help Gary and make things just a little bit better for him. So, the way in which we communicate is very different and we walk away frustrated most of the time after meeting with him. Gary actually gets physically sick when he thinks he has done something wrong and has to face Dr. B. It is so hard because we have the utmost of respect for Dr. B. and we really want him to like us and care about us as human beings and not just as a cancer case.
Dr. B was more than kind to us today and spoke to us in a way in which we could understand him. He was caring and it made all the difference in the world to us. I left the office with a few tears in my eyes - tears of joy. Gary had a ginormous grin on his face. We want to please him and do everything right. We want him to think we are doing a good job trying to manage Gary's care. Trust me when I tell you that this cancer thing is complicated and it changes on a daily basis. I am just so happy that we actually had a wonderful meeting time with him. I truly hope it continues. Thank you Dr. B for being so kind to Gary. He really needed it.
HOUSE
Well, we have committed our housing situation to prayer and we are trying not to stress. Deep down we know everything will work out. God ALWAYS provides a path and if the house sells quickly then we move quickly. Boo Hoo. If not, we stick around. YEAH!!! The boys love our home. We love our home. Everything will work out according to the plan. We need to just sit back and see what happens.
PRAYER REQUESTS
1. Pray that Gary regains his appetite and begins to eat more regularly.
2. Pray for peace for Gary and pray for him to focus not on the things he can't do but the things he can do.
3. Pray for Dr. Barth as he navigates us through the cancer field. Pray for his family and his mind and for peace for him.
4. Pray that God gives us direction in what to do with our home. We wait patiently to know what to do.
5. Pray for me. I am a little run down but holding strong. A greater measure of strength would be great.
6. Pray for the kids. They need stability and security and pray we continue to provide that for them.
7. Pray for sleep, rest and comfort for Gary.
8. Pray for TOTAL healing for Gary.
9. Pray for everyone who has come along side us and supported us and loved us.
There is so much to pray for so pray for whatever leads you.
I am sooooooo incredibly tired. We HAD to take Hobie for a late night walk (that is the last thing I wanted to do) and then the boys were already grilling me about our plans for tomorrow. I told them that we will get through today and think about tomorrow when it comes! We should all do that more often.
Thanks for your time.
Sleep Tight and Thank God for His goodness and peace!
Love, Me
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